What I'm tired about

I am tired of people who feel inconvienced by the way things are. Buck up you bunch of whiny, sniveling idiots. I mean. I had to walk over to the main building to get the stupid schedule-- Why would it be too difficult for you? You certainly don't look 6 months pregnant. Plus you're in the freaking military. Like inconvience is a new concept to you? Good lord! What do you do on TDY's? Do walk around sniveling about being away from your home and family?

Really from the first day of the semester you haven't impressed me. In fact I've worried about our defenses if you are representative of our military. I mean you show up to school without our stupid schedule and then expect me to know where in the world you are suppose to go. Now you get peeved at me because I won't let you take my class schedule for next semester. You really grate on my nerves.

This hasn't been a good day. It did start out good but it went down hill reall fast. First MI throws a fit because her daddy has to take her to school. Then ST won't get dressed. Despite my attempts to get things pulled together the night before the girls were still late for school. Oh well. Guess I should be glad they had their backpacks.

I do wonder whether when I'm old and feeble whether these beautiful children of mine will take care of me. Often I think I'll just be sitting in my own waste rotting away.

As if the first part of the day wasn't miserable enough I'm sitting here at work fighting queasiness. I had to race to the bathroom with my ever ready trash can. Two pregnancy and deliveries have left me with a less than desirable situation when it comes to being sick. So I'm not having a good day. And to all those damn motivational speakers who talk about you choose what kind of day your having or better you can always start your day over-- NOT WHEN YOU ARE 6 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH 3 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 9 YEARS!

I've been trying to keep my angst from my public life. But today I'm so tired and the feelings of anxiety and depression are too strong, I need to express them.

First I am so frustrated by MI. It looks like she is going to repeat Kindergarten. MI is determined not to learn to read. I know she knows her alphabet but she doesn't produce work that indicates that knowledge. I know she knows the sounds that are represented by those letters but she refuses to produce work that shows that knowledge. I know that there are simple words that she knows but when quizzed she refuses to cooperate.

What can I do about a child who won't work? I lie awake a night worrying about her future. What's to become of her? Why won't she cooperate at school? Why won't she cooperate at home?

Then that really gets everything churning. Everything seems so hopeless. Nothing is in my control. I can't even seem to control my own feelings. God. I've never cried so much in my life. In fact this seems to rate right up there with the OKC boot camp for librarians.

So I don't know what I'm going to do. Guess I just keep on crying.

If you want to see...

If you want to see my attitude scroll down. I've added a new pic. It's me. Without a doubt.

On the big screen

Yesterday, I went for a Down syndrome and spina bifida screening. This is a non-invasive procedure. Essentially it's 2 blood tests spaced through out the early stages of pregnancy and 2 ultrasounds. Oh I forgot to mention I had a genetic work up, too. Nothing much in that to indicate any strong possibilities for problems.

I won't know anything about the blood work until next week. The ultrasound was quite an experience. They had a huge flat screen TV on the wall. I think it was like 5'x 4' screen. The baby was a busy one at the moment we were peeking in at it. It jumped and jerked. It's little hands were flaying away. We got some good pictures of a fist and a foot. The profile is beautiful. Okay Adj. Queen, this one's for you, it appears that this child will be a girl, also. But remember it is still very early in the pregnancy so it could change but I'm pretty sure it's a girl.

Both the tech. and the doc would chuckle at the antics of the baby. They had a hard time getting the baby into position so they could get the reading they needed. The tech would bounce her instrument up and down on my belly trying to persuade the baby to turn over. After a while they did manage to get the readings they needed. At this point in time there doesn't seem to be any physical problems that they can see. So I go back in Oct. for a blood test, and Nov. will be the second ultra sound.

I looked at the first ultrasound and marveled at the distinct changes in the baby. The baby is now a fetus while before it was an embryo. How she's grown! She no longer looks like a kidney bean. Now she has a head with a tiny nose. Her arms has hands and fingers. Her feet are tiny miniatures of feet. It all looked so prefect. It was a profound moment for me. Somehow seeing the baby on such a big screen made it all so very real.

PS
Adj. Queen are you sure SO isn't daylighting as a ob. doc.?

Tears

Well folks-- I'm totally absorbed in myself and this pregnancy. So here's the latest development-- I just spent 5 minutes crying over this video. Something that had no intention to bring tears to ones eyes had tears streaming from mine. Now I know I'm pregnant. I'm so screwed up. I don't remember being quite this emotional with my other pregnancies. The weirdest things set me off. I'm glad I'm in my own office because I can weep silently without my co-workers knowing.

In fact the only thing they've noticed is I'm quieter. So maybe that's a blessing for them. I don't know. You'll have to ask them.

Last night I worked in the evening. I had a class to teach, too. This was one of the best classes I've ever had! I made a mistake in a search and one of the students figured out what I had done wrong! WooHoo! It's so nice to know that they're getting it. This is like my second night class I taught, and I think I would rather teaching an evening class anytime over a day class. One professor said that the evening classes are really better because these are the folks who are working during the day, and they're coming to us because they WANT to be there. They aren't marking time; they are engaged in their education. Essentially they are more motivated. It's fantastic.

So I wonder what else will send tears coursing down my cheeks today? We'll see.

Sick and tired

I was doing so well in the morning sickness business. But last night in the wee hours of the morning I lost my track record. ST came to our room because she had a nightmare. I took her back to her room and was about to lie down with her there when I told her I had to go. I raced back to my room. I was sick but you know what even so I felt better.

Since the late afternoon yesterday I hadn't been feeling so well. PF and I had dinner at an Indian restaurant. The food was good. But I started to feel really bad. I decided that I must have over eaten. I got to bed early.

Now I'm tired, and my tummy still feels queasy. I hope this isn't how it's going to be. I don't know if I can work 30 hours a week feeling queasy. Oh well maybe I'll just take off early today.

For 2

Well if you're interested I have something to share that isn't exactly something that ought to be shared. So you've been forewarn-- if you're squeemish do not read further.

You know how people talk about pregnant women eating for 2? Well I think there is more to it than just that. I'm pretty sure I'm pooping for 2. I've had more bowel movements in the last month or so than I've had most of my life; or, at least, it just seems that way. I don't ever remember this situation with the other 2. I also have to be careful eating leafy greens. That is a true formula for up all night! It sucks too because I like leafy greens.

At this point in time I don't have much more to share, and I know I've shared more than I should but I've been amazed with this development. For those interested I meet with the nurse on Wednesday. I should be able to hear the baby's heart beat. I'm looking forward to that.

THE NEWS

Last Saturday I ran a test on myself. I wasn't sure what I would discover but I knew it was time. Time to have information. Time to have knowledge. It was time.

When I got the results (and I have to confess that the result was rather quick) I was devastated. I felt so sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Then after awhile I started to feel a little excited. Anticipation set in; as did wonder. But still anytime I thought about telling PF I would get so scared. I didn't want to have to deal with his reaction. Last time he didn't handle it very well. In fact it was a time of strife in our marriage. I really thought that he would divorce me.

By know I hope you realize that I am pregnant. In fact tomorrow will be 10 weeks! I didn't want to tell anyone because it was still so early. But around Wednesday this week I couldn't hold it in any longer. I don't plan on telling the children until I'm into my 2nd trimester. DQ is going to be devastated. ST will be ecstatic, and I have no clue how MI will take the news. MI's been asking for a baby brother her age for awhile now. Of course that's not going to happen but I don't know if she'll understand that.

I did tell PF. He's taken it so much better than last time. I mean he isn't moping around, or trying to give himself a heart attack. He is calm and gratious. I told him Saturday night while we watched the Olympics. It just flew out of my mouth. No setting the stage. No romantic talk. I didn't even look at him. Really I don't remember what he said. I think it had something to do with having a lot of things to get done. If there is anything really upsetting him it's the fact that I had those medical procedures done last month. His worried about how that would affect the baby.

Well folks life's a crap shoot. You don't know what you're going to get. But whatever is is. I'm not going to spend my time worrying about what's been done for it cannot be undone. I'm living in the moment. This is God's child and I am nothing but a vessel and an instrument for His work. I love babies. Always have. I'm not too keen on 3 year olds but you know that falls under the future and I'm not going there. My reality is now. This day and what I do today is all I can control and even then not everything is in my control.

I am now very excited about this pregnancy. I am looking forward to meeting this child. My belly is already big. The round ligaments are feeling some strain. I haven't been sick. I have been hungry. Very, very hungry. I eat almost 2 to 3 hours. I also can't eat a whole lot in one sitting or I get sick to my stomache. I'm craving proteins. Cheese, meat, peanut butter (which I don't cave into to protect the baby from too early a nut introduction), and Coke a Cola (which I don't cave into because I don't believe that it would be very good for the baby.) I've stopped taking 2 meds. The other thing about this pregnancy is that I am dizzy. This is different than my other two pregnancies; so when people ask about what I want I just tell them that the pregnancy were not similiar to the other two.

To make this pregnancy even more interesting, my niece is pregnant, too with her second child. I'm a month further than her. So we will have a race to see who will give birth first. I've already got my doula set up. Okay she's not a trained professional but she's always been my doula. It's my sister, I Don't Get Mad/I Get Even. I know she will be there for me, and she won't let the health care professionals try to bully me. I am so grateful to God for a sister like her. She's always, always been there for me. God bless her.

So keep me in your prayers if you pray; if not then keep me in your thoughts. I'm forty years old and pregnant.

Summer vacation

We are back from a rather long family Summer vacation. We headed towards Michigan to visit PF's baby sister. Along the way we stopped to visit with PF's friends that could be found along the way.

First I have to say that this vacation went extremely well. The kids were really well behaved. I also think they had a fun time. What I'm trying to say is that it didn't seem all that stressful as previous vacations we've taken but perhaps that is because the kids are older.

Some highlights to the trip--

We took a ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegeon. The girls had a blast on the trip. DQ didn't want to go originally because, "I get sea sick." She did not get sea sick.

Some activities we participated while in Michigan were a long drive (45 min.)North to Rainbow Ranch for an hour horseback ride. We then went North again and found this little town that survives only on tourism. We did our part in maintaining that economy by going miniature golfing, go-kart driving; bumper boat riding.

I have to say that there was an added bonus to the visit with PF's sister, too. She has a cat who is rather tender hearted. Our girls love cats so they have a hard-time accepting that the cat needs to be left alone. So this time a volunteer cat visited the house of Shutter Bug. (Hope you like the new name. PF's sister is connected to her camera. Odd, now that I think about it PF is rather connected to his cameras, too. Must be a family trait.)

The girls got to name the volunteer kitty. It was an adorable black and white kitty-- black on top-- white underbelly with white paws. Her final name was Cuddles.

We ended the trip by going a different way home and visiting with a college friend of PF's. He lives in St. Louis, Missouri. We went to the St. Louis Zoo. It is free but you have to pay $10 for parking. If you want to go to the children's zoo or do any other fun activities you have to pay extra for them. Once a long time ago while we were visiting St. Louis the zoo advertised a new feature in the children's zoo-- a slide through the river otter exhibit. So we bought the pass that got us a ride on the train, 3-d movies, motion simulator; and the children's zoo. The kids loved the children's zoo but the weather was so stifling hot that the rest of the adventure was not so much fun. In the evening we had dinner with the college buddy.

The next day we spent swimming in the hotel pool and making plans for the rest of the day. We went to the Mermac Caverns. MI wasn't so independent in these caves. Her little hand stayed in mine the whole time, and I frequently had to coax her to continue with the tour.

Like I said this was a long trip, and we did a lot of things. I really am impressed with our darling girls. Life is good.

Missing my Bunco nights!

I've been very busy with myself lately. This has been my summer for medical tests. I had a colonscopy/endoscopy procedure almost two weeks ago. I also had a HIDA-scan and an ultrasound. To date I haven't learned anything other than I most likely have GERD.

Armed with another prescription drug to take my pain is gone. And I don't wake up with heart burn anymore. Which I didn't really realize I was doing until going on the GERD medicine. Needless to say I'm sleeping much better than I have for a couple of years. I still have a hard time getting to sleep but "Oh well."

I had lunch with Adj. Queen and CraftyMinx. This was the first time I talked with CraftyMinx. I felt totally comfortable with her. I've been reading her blog for a couple of years now. So it wasn't like she was a total stranger.

During this lunch I mentioned that I play Bunko with the neighborhood ladies. They laughed. It was a laugh that sounded kinda incredulous. So I wanted to explain why I play Bunko. I live in a neighborhood with HOA. I don't get to go to the meetings. I get to watch the kids. Really I don't mind that at all. My only probably is that PF goes to the meetings. And let's face it folks. PF is only a man. And pretty oblivious to undercurrents or even overcurrents going on in a room.

Thus I go to the "unofficial" HOA meeting. This is where I learn things about the meeting that I don't get from PF. Last year it was great because the HOA prez was a woman and the HOA secretary/treasurer was a woman. No big deal right? WRONG! Those two went after each other. Two strong personalities colliding. It was great. The gossip was juicy and riveting. Who needs soap operas when you've got an HOA?

Plus it is a totally mindless game of rolling dice. I can play it. I'm not one for games but this one is alright because I can talk and play at the same time. I've even gotten good at scoring and talking at the same time.

Well I haven't been to Bunko in about 3 months. PF was out of town one month and then I started working evenings so I can be with the girls this Summer during the days. I've missed it. I haven't heard the news of the neighborhood. Plus I've been known to win. In fact the last time I played I could have won the majority of prizes. Boy was that a rowdy night. My life was endanger. Preggy Mom down the street talked about running me over afterwards. Or at the very least knocking me over the head to get the goods. I figure it's the pregnancy talking.

This year has been rather sad. We lost one of our regular players. Her husband came home from Iraq and got transferred to Ohio. (She got pregnant shortly afterwards but remained sweet.) Then another woman dropped out because she's going back to school. She's learning to be a sonographer. One of the nice things that happened was one of the ladies' came by my house to find out why I hadn't been. She's a really nifty lady and I enjoy her a lot.

I have another friend that I recently discovered plays Bunko. So I'll have to remind myself to call her when we are going to be down people. I don't really like playing with "ghosts" because you have to think then.

Mid-life Crisis

This is my fortieth year. Truly, it doesn't bother me to be turning the big 4O but I have to admit I've got somethings going on in my head. So I'm going to share with you all my mid-life crisis "project". Here it is in color, I want a trike or maybe this one.

I'm not courageous enough to go for a motorcycle but a trike would be cool. Of course, I doubt that PF would take me seriously. So maybe I will have to wait until the kids are out of the house.

My Career

I'm here at the reference desk. This has been a boring night. So very few people coming to me for my sage advice. I guess if you reframe this thought one might think of it this way, "I get paid close to $19.00 an hour to tell a few stray students where the bathrooms are."

Now I want you to realize I take my job seriously. In fact I don't merely tell them where the bathroom is; I make it sound like an adventure. If they want to stay on the main floor of the library they need to go out the gates, out the doors, and into the dark corner. Truly it is a dark corner. I personally gave up going to that bathroom because of the darkness. I'm sure you guys remember "Charlie in the woodwork". I know I've told some of you about Charlie. I digress.

When I ponder all the things I've done over the last 14 years as a librarian with a masters degree I'm amazed. I've learned that toothpaste is darn near impossible to get off mirrors. I've wiped poop off stools; watered plants that meant something to by supervisors; I've directed people to bathrooms; I've listened to genealogists tell me about their pedigrees feigning interest as not to anger them (believe me folks some of them are easily offended); cleaned up used condoms; dealt with disturbed people who thought there were people after them; I've been stalked; romanced; called profane names; dealt with bomb threats; tried evacuating a library when a light fixture was smoking. Who thought libraries were boring places? Of course I left off my all time favorite... about the dude who whipped out his little buddy for a nice massage. God how I wish could have thought of the following reply, "Why don't you put that thing away before it goes off?" Really I think that was perfect.

Now I'm an academic librarian and things aren't quite as interesting here. Although I seem to still get the large portion of weirdos. This week I got a call from some woman in Texas who wanted me to tell her how to get a card indicating her children have Native American blood. She told me this sad tell of woe. She's disabled and her computer is on the blink. And she really, really needs these cards by August 2008! Boy I really wanted to tell her that that probably wasn't going to happen. In fact I bet she'll be lucky to get them by August 2009. Of course as though I needed to round out the week some young man took a fancy to me. Due to the ear plugs I don't think he realized just how loud he was when he was trying to catch my attention everytime I walked past him. You gotta love being a librarian.

The weekend

Last Thursday was PF's birthday. Since I work evenings now we did nothing to mark it. I'm not sure I would have even wished PF happy birthday if ST hadn't made a big production of wishing him a happy birthday that morning. I simply had forgotten.

But in truth I hadn't really forgotten. PF's birthday present was a weekend long contra dance. He was so happy this weekend. PF got to party, party, party. I hired a girl I know to babysit our kids on Friday and Saturday. My brother took MI to the lake with his family. It was a really nice weekend.

Last night was nice for me. PF took the DQ and ST to the party after the parties. I stayed home and slept. I also wanted to wait for MI to come home. I didn't know when my brother was coming home. I really thought someone needed to be there for her. As it turned out I was correct. MI was part of a very eventful trip. My brother and his family and my sister and her family went down to the lake. My sister on Friday night had a car accident. A car ran a red light and hit her. Unfortunately these dudes were not the nicest people in the world. They tried intimidating her. At one point they blocked her off from her car. The 911 dispatcher kept telling her to get in the car. When the police showed up there were 4 cars. These creeps continued to harass her even with the police there. Finally a cop told them to step away from the area. The cop also told her not to move from his side. The creep driving did not have insurance. The other creep kept telling her that he would vouch for the uninsured creep. Not the best reference in the world. So after that mess gets cleaned up she moves on to my brother's house. They had to move all the stuff from my sister's car because her car was over heating.

When they get down to the lake my brother collapses. He apparently does this on a regular basis. He's all weak and shaky, and he only wants my s-i-l to take care of him. There he had his huge (tall and burly) son-in-law who could have carried him to bed but instead he insisted on my 5 foot sister-in-law to drag him to bed. She told me that it apparently has something to do with his blood sugar level because he gets better after eating chocalate. I wish he would get it looked into. I mean diabetes runs in the family. Anyway, with all of this going on MI didn't get to bed until 12:30AM.

On Saturday they find out that my brother took things off the boat that shouldn't have been taken off. He also couldn't remember where he had put things. So they had to drive into the nearest town 30 minutes away to get the parts. Then they got the boat stuck in the boat house. My brother lost his glasses when he jumped in to find out what was going on.

Needless to say they didn't get the boat out until Sunday. MI got to go swimming in the lake when they pulled into a nice cove. MI kept telling me that she caught all these fish but that Poppa (what she calls my sister's husband) kept letting them go. I'm pretty sure she had fun.

A Rainy Summer Day

Today it rained. It rained. And it rained.

It wasn't simple rain. There were intermittent thunderstorms. So how do you explain to children that no it's not okay to go to the pool during a thunderstorm. Or how about it's not a good idea to have your father's computer on during a thunderstorm.

So my day was spent washing clothes; I read a book; I tried to encourage the children to read; I played a couple of games of Clue.

The kids were bored. Although MI loved the fact that she could watch movies all morning and early afternoon long.

Don't think rain is going to be much of an issue this summer. I think this is going to be one of those dry, humid summers that is going to kill me.

My fear

I have a deep fear of being alone.

I've never been on my own. I went from my parents house to my husbands house. I've never been tested and tried.

I guess the companion fear is "How well will I deal with being on my own?"

We have a book at our library that I purchased at the request of an adjunct. It's called, Suddenly single mom by T.J. Terry. I glanced through it when it came in to be cataloged and thought there was a lot of good information and wisdom. I think it's important to remember that this book exists, and being an academic library it isn't likely that the book will be weeded anytime.

Adj. Queen. Girl. Everyone is afraid of roaches. They are plain nasty creatures. As far as someone making you eat one... I think you've watched too much TV!

Think about it. Roaches will probably survive a nuclear holocaust. Okay. They'll mostly like come out of it "bigger and better" for it, too. ;-)

Fear factor

What do you fear?

I wonder how many people will answer this question. I'll share mine if you share yours.

I'm worth more and I'm not going to settle... EVER!

Of late I've been searching for myself. Oh, I don't mean it in a cliched way. I mean lately I've been seriously asking myself questions about my life. I've admitted to myself what my main problem in life is. I don't care to share that bit of information but it is something that defines who I am, and why I do the things that I do.

Because of this epiphany in my life I need to think about my life right now. I am happily married but I see where I really haven't lived my own life. I've lived a very sheltered life. I've never been on my own. In fact if I were suddenly to become single today I would still not be alone. I have my children.

Yesterday, I went to a family event that incorporated several different families (not all directly related to me). A woman who is related to my brother that I happened to go to high school with was at the party. This woman has gone through at least 2 marriages. (I think it's more but can't remember.) Between marriages she's dated men. I hate to say this so that probably means I shouldn't say it but damn I'm left with no outlet then. So here goes. These men that populate her life are not very interesting, smart, attractive or employed. Which amazes me since she is smart, attractive and interesting and employed. After meeting the new flame in her life I had to fight urges of pulling her aside and telling her I could introduce her to men that not only are intelligent they look good too. Okay. So now you know how very shallow I am. But really I'm not that much into looks. I mean I like my men smart. This guy she had with her yesterday looked like someone who would be interviewed by the media after a catastrophic event for our area. Those of you living in the South, and other areas considered back water by the rest of the country know what I mean. The media looks for those individuals who look like they are complete idiots (usually missing a couple of teeth).

So here's my real thought. After considering these men that this woman dates and sometimes end up marrying, and thinking of someone else who recently found herself widowed, and the man she ended up married to a few short months after her husband death I'm really wondering about the world out there. If I were to end up single would all I have to choose from would be dorks? If so I think that I am really grateful for my children.

Considering what I've been typing here I bet you all think that I'm being very morbid here. I'm not worried about PF dying on me. I'm just thinking about some very practical things here like... I don't want to marry again. That would not be in my financial interest. Nor do I believe it would be in the interest of my kids. However, I don't think I would rule out having a relationship with someone. But I would be very particular about that person. It definitely would be someone who had a brain in his head. He would have to believe in evolution. He would have to dance (and I don't mean gyrating to what's on the radio). He would have to have spirituality. He would have to be compassionate. He would have to have a job (something more than the local MickeyD's) In essence he would have to be a lot like my very own PF.

What makes these women turn to these men? I don't know. All I know is I am definitely not going out with the village idiot just to be going out. I am worth far more than that. If that means I never have a date then so be it. Why do I right this? So that I can come back to it if I ever need to. I want to be able to help myself out later. Maybe if these women had thought ahead to all the possibilities out there they won't settle either.

DQ's 1st Holy Communion

Well I've been quite silent on DQ's 1st Communion. Mainly because I wasn't sure how well that day would go. I lived in silent dread.

So I can now talk about it. DQ looked lovely in her dress. I made her veil, and I am so proud of myself because it turned out lovely.

We had to get the church an hour ahead of time for pictures. I sat in our assigned pew, waiting patiently. Along comes the director of the event and tells me that I am in the wrong pew. I had forgotten to bring my sheet with me so not wanting to make a fuss I moved. Let me also explain that she had the father of the boy who was suppose to be seating behind us. (They did not show up to the rehearsal; apparently Disney World takes precedence over sacraments. [MEOW!])

Now I'm sitting in this rather short pew waiting patiently, and the wife of the man comes in and sits down behind me in the pew I just vacated. I feel a tap on my shoulder and the wife tells me I'm sitting in the wrong pew. DUH! We discuss this and I explain I was told to move. The husband reappears and tells his wife that Mary told me to move. I explained why I didn't attempt to correct Mary. But the wife continues. I finally get up and go to Mary. I tell her we have a dispute about the pew. I really used the wrong word. Anyway she tells me to move or do whatever.

So back to the pew. I explain to the family that Mary really had missed counted and I didn't want to make them move. I was rather frustrated at this point and the husband seemed rather attached to the pew, too. Well they did end up moving and we ended up moving. So that was the excitement for the day.

Anyway, DQ, was among the first young people to enter the church. She did so well. Her part in the ceremony was to help bring up the gifts. PF and I went up with DQ when she received her 1st Communion.

The ladies of the church held a reception afterwards. It was a lovely spread. The cakes were provided by a local fancy bakery. We stayed to the bitter end. I helped to clean up afterwards. In return the ladies made me take home some of the left-over cake and cookies. I was really happy for that since I was going to have a last minute dinner at my house to celebrate DQ's happy day. What a wonderful time we had.

ST's tooth story

Sunday ST pulled her own tooth. I mean, she twisted it out of her gums. That's how she corrected me when I said she pulled her own tooth. Personally I hate talking/hearing anything about teeth or mouth.

Anyway ST was terribly excited about loosing this tooth. She washed it clean of blood. She showed everyone that she came in contact with her tooth. Needless to say she lost her tooth. So that evening she set about writing a note to the toothfairy.

Dear toothfairy today I lost my tooth. I was so excited I just had to show every one. But after I showed every one I lost my tooth. I looked and I looked but I could not Find my tooth anywhere. if you have any time can you look for it your friend ST.

one question. What is your name: __________________ First name and last

can I have moor than one $


Everytime I read this note it brings a smile to my face. Not only did she write a very nice letter but her questions crack me up. ST is such a cutie. I would have scanned the letter but ST used some wrapping paper to write it on. It's too large to fit on my scanner.

Three daughters' gallery

To those who might be interested, I have a companion blog. This is dedicated to the art/creativity of my children. Yes, I am a proud mother but I am also a mother trying to conserve on space in her life. When this idea hit me I knew I had struck gold. Much of the children's work can now be digitized and saved. I am a happy mother now that I've come up with this idea.

So for those friends and family members dispersed throughout the country you are more than welcome to view the new blog. Please forgive me for adding those pesky letter verification things but I started to receive comment spam.

Stick horse

Last week DQ brought home a parent/child assignment. A state holiday is remembered today and the 2nd grade teachers thought it would be wonderful to have the children and parents create a stick horse together.

DQ was all pumped about it. Apparently the teachers also thought it would be cool to bate the children into a contest. In other words these stick horses needed to be made not bought and then they, the teachers, were going to judge our creative abilities.

Hopefully by now most of you know that I am not an arts and crafty kinda gal. Oh, I've done an occassional counted cross-stitch. I did a needlepoint kit once. I even hooked my brother a rug once. But I am not crafty. I buy kits. Remember that I was doing a reupholstering job lately?

So over the weekend I designed a muzzle out of paper towel tubes. I taped them together. Yesterday we got together to finish the project. See the rest of the weekend was spent preparing for Passover. I finally found a recipe for potatoe kugel that I like. Why do good recipes always have to be so labor intensive? I digress. So yesterday we spent sometime looking for the muzzle.

Once I found it. I looked at it and realized that we needed something to be the head. Well I have all these pieces of foam left over from covering the seat cushions. So I balled them up and taped them on to the muzzle. Now the nose looked too flat so I bunched up a bit more foam and taped that on to the muzzle. Voila! I now had a horses head. My original idea was to cover this in construction paper but I looked at this head again and decided it was too lumpy. So wrapped it in some of the remaining batting from the seat backs. Which then led me to realize that the paper would not hold up very well. So I measure out the rest of the material that I would need to cover the cheap chairs I have. The rest I used to cover the head. We, DQ, PF and I, worked together to sew the material together. This was a very long endeavor.

I finally had to get dinner heated, and the rest of the kids back in the house, and feed the family. After dinner I get back to designing this horse head. I use black craft foam for the ears. The eyes are large, flat brownish buttons with smaller black buttons sewn on top. The nostrils are small black buttons. PF observed that the way I folded the material around the nose made adequate nostrils and the buttons were not necessary. But I had already sewn those buttons on the stupid head and I wasn't taking them off. Earlier in the evening I had made a proclamation that the horse simply wasn't going to have a mane because I didn't have any yarn that would be adequate. (I didn't think pink or purple would cut it) I felt bad about that. While I was reiterating this proclamation to PF in our bedroom my eyes fell on my scarf. It's made from that furry kind of yarn. I now had a mane!

By the time this horse came all together it was 11:00PM! I was tired. PF was tired, and DQ was asleep in bed. Actually I think it's pretty cute. It is a red clay colored horse with a dark grey mane. So we'll see how it survives the day.

Wanting to pass on Passover

For the second time in 2 years Passover does not correspond with Easter. Now for many this isn't a big deal, and I suppose I really should be grateful for that fact but I'm not. I'm done celebrating things for awhile.

Perhaps it's the fact that PF is going out of town, and won't be back until the second night of Seder. Last year's Seder was a disaster. Really. My food processor broke; I forgot to put the turkey breast in the oven; I thought I was getting the kugel into the oven (that's how I found out the turkey was missing from the oven).

I'm not Jewish. I only started celebrating Passover with my dear husband back in 1993. We use to go to the Hillel for the dinners. The year we were going through infertility treatments we did a Seder for ourselves. Our dogs were made to suffer through it. At one point our Dancer dog started to make these noises that sounded like she was deep in prayer. We laugh about that still.

Since having kids I've started doing Passover meals at our house. PF is a lovely man but is quite useless in the kitchen. Oh he can cook but he drives me crazy asking me questions about how to do things. It gets to the point where I'm like, "Oh never, mind! I'll do it myself." I just wish he would do it. I don't care how it gets done but man all those questions is nerve wracking. Now my b-i-l is great! I love to cook with him. We work well together in the kitchen. He just does it. No questions asked. Okay maybe, "What do you want me to do?" but that's it.

So here's the problem. I really, really don't want to do Seder this year. PF is not going to be there to help, and with American Airlines cancelling flights I really don't think he'll make it home in time for the meal. I don't want to invite people over for dinner. I don't want to cook a large meal. I don't want to have to get the china out. I don't want to have to clean the china afterwards. I don't want to have to get all the dining room chairs finished in time for this meal. I don't want to have to clean house. I'm just not in the mood.

Would it be so terrible to pass on Passover this year?

Colors

When I was a little girl my mother's furniture were Earth-tones. The winged chairs upholstery was fairly large flowers of yellow, green, brown and gold. The couch was that aweful green of the '70s (Mainly because it was the '70s). The fabric had large loops of threads. The threads were made of some sort of synthetic material. I always enjoyed pressing the loops under my finger nails. But I hated it when I was sick or it was summer time. That material just made you swelter in the already sweltering heat of West Texas.

I hate the colors my mother chose for her livings room. I remember thinking when I was a little girl that my furniture would be pinks and other pastel colors. Well in choosing the chairs for my living room guess what color I chose? Gold! The material for the valance I bought is mostly gold toned. The material I bought for the teak chairs is a reddish brown. What in the world happened to me? Where did all the pink and pastels go to?

Okay, my reading room furniture is a purplish color but even then the arm chair and ottoman is more gold. My living room couch is a striped beast of navy, burgundy, with tiny stripes of gold and green. My "thrown" chair is green with yellow shot through it. Do you see what I mean? I've somehow taken on the golds and greens of my mother! How did that happen!?! Okay. I'm married to a man. That might have one factor towards this but really he doesn't usually care what I pick out. He trusts my judgement when it comes to things like that. Have I become my mother? Really that doesn't bother me. I like my mom; I just didn't like her Earth tone trend. I'm just going to tell myself that the color chair I picked was better than the other choice of pale olive green.

Projects of major proportions.

Inspired by the story of stump removal it is time to share my story about the major projects going on in our house. Last year you may recall that I got the garage pretty well cleaned up. Those who know PF knows that this is a major feat. Especially since he helped and did not resist my efforts.

Well back in Jan. we sold our first house. You know the one that hadn't been lived in for the last 3 years. Of course it hadn't been on the market to sale either. My understanding is that is the only way a house will sale. I proved my point by forcing PF to put it on the market. Once he did that it only took about 9-10 months to sale. We did much better than I expected, too.

Now this is significant because we now have money to spend. We've been celebrating by making many purchases that we've been unable to afford. I bought brand new kitchen chairs. I bought cloth to re-upholster the teak dining room chairs that were really, really nasty (between time and children the wool didn't last well); also bought cloth to make a rather tasteful valance. PF bought a new Imac. The old computer that was bought back in 1998/1999 will be moved into the living room for the kids. Well we did have a computer for the kids in the living room but it's pretty much useless. It only plays 2 games. None of the games bought over the years can be played on it. Well PF measured the cabinet we had the kids' computer in and it is too small to hold the 1998 computer. So we came up with the brillant plan of buying a new desk.

At first we thought it would be for the living room but somehow the idea evolved and now PF is getting a new desk for his study and the "old" desk (It's only 3 yrs. old) is going into the living room. I loved this idea. I got to go shopping again! So the hunt began. I thought I had talked PF into this gorgeous black roll-top desk. But he did some measuring and the computer wouldn't fit well enough into it to close the top and lock it. Gone is my dream. Oh well, it was meant for PF after all, right? This shopping experience ended up taking about 3 weeks. I mean we found something that we both liked. It's a modular set. The return on the desk is shorter than the old desk's return. But PF had to keep thinking about it. We made 4 trips to the much hated store where it resides.

Finally last Friday we bought the thing. Now the problem is to get PF to clear off the old desk and much of the rest of the study to do the moving. I have managed to get him to allow me to go through several of the boxes that occupied the center of the floor. Now all those things in those boxes fit into 2 boxes. Over the last several days I've tried to start on the boxes to the left of the old "path into" the room was. I've hit resistance. PF won't let me near them. If I even get close to them his hackles raise, and he starts bristling. I back away slow making sure not to make any sudden movements. Why is this an issue for me? The stupid desk will be delivered this Friday! We are in no way ready for this delivery.

Oh! I suppose I should back up to last Friday. When we got to the store PF started his ponderings again. It was like he was trying to talk himself out of it. I lost my patience. So instead of getting mad and making a scene I walked away. The girls and I walked the store. We went all over the 2nd floor several times. Finally I redirected them back as the store was announce that the store is closing in 45 minutes. On my way back to PF I see a barrel chair; I've been looking for a barrel chair ever since my father died. The funeral home had one. It was the chair I sat in as we made arrangements for my father. It comforted me so much. It was like being cradled in someone's arms. So I sat down in the chair, and low and behold! the chair fit me just fine! It was perfect! So I went back to our sales' lady and told her that I had something I wanted to purchase. I got two of those chairs. Later after I thought about what color the chairs are I laughed but that is another story to be told another time. (Read the NeverEnding Story by Michael Ende.) I also got a cute little accent table to set between the two chairs. What to PF several weeks took me little more than 5 minutes to decide. OK. To be honest I've been looking for 4 years. Now that I think about it it's kinda funny that these chairs will be delivered to my house with the green door the week my father died four years ago.

Pray that we can get things pulled together and be ready for the momentous occassion. I have another story that is related to this but it will have to wait since I've already been so long winded here. I've lost most of my voice so I figure that is why I'm a Chatty Cathy in my posting.

Do you know who has the keys?

People have been monkeying around with stuff at my work. I came back to work after Spring Break to find my office door locked. I never lock my office. I'm lazy. I don't want to have to get my keys out of my purse.

These morning my supervisor told me about the book taken from Tech Services and put in the book drop. I guess we ought to be happy that they put it in the book drop but it had not been processed.

Several months ago we rekeyed the door in response to the Virginia Tech killings. Tech Services is our "safe" room. At our meeting evaluating the safety of our buildings I had joked that the door would be locked and you would be on your own. So they discussed rekeying the door so circ staff could make it back there.

Now I'm truly wondering at our safety. Someone has the key to the door. That someone has an impish streak. All I'm saying is it is silly to think that we can provide a safe environment. I don't know who this joker is. But I think it demonstrates that our safe room isn't all that safe.

My kids

Here are some cute things the kids have said over the last few days.

MI's favorite saying right now, "I want to be like God." or "I'm trying to be like God." This is funny because her behavior prior to these proclamations is less than God like. Well if you believe God is loving and kind. If your god is more like the Old Testament God full of wrath and swift punishment then I suppose MI's behavior reflects that.

ST announced yesterday that Parker thinks she is "H-O-T". He apparently chases her around the playground at recess. I think there's been some kissing going on, too. I told her to tell him to keep his lips and body to himself.

DQ. Oh my! DQ is looking more like a teenager everyday. She left the mini-van yesterday without me telling her I love her. I almost rolled the window down to call after her, "I love you." but realized that she would probably die a death of mortification. She is so into music. DQ loves RadioDisney. We have to listen to it in the mini-van. It's the only place we get a decent reception. I'm pretty sure she has a crush on Zac Efron. But hey, Mommy thinks he's a cutie, too. Love his smile!

That said, is it said when you know the lyrics to both High School Musicals? I find myself listening to RadioDisney sans children. During the middle of the day they play songs that appeal to a much younger crowd. Oh I don't know... preschoolers to toddlers. I have a song running through my head lately from this time period. It is pretty catchy and fun. Oh well, I've always been a kid at heart. "The window, the window... you toss it out the window."

Spit shines

I went through my childhood getting spit shines from my mother. I apparently was a messy child. My mom even made up a song that rhymed and everything about me having a dirty face. I knew when I was really dirty because my mom would whip out a kleenex; wet it down with saliva and go after me.

Did I pass this down to my children? Not so much. I kinda like seeing my children run around with messy faces. But there have been occassions where I've licked my finger and went after a smudge or two. My children think it's kinda gross. They sometimes resist mightily. That thought never crossed my mind as a child. Maybe I knew resistance was futile.

Anyway I've found a picture with a caption I love to go with this post.

MI and my struggle with her

I think we've all heard the phrase "You're driving me to drink..." Well I'm trying to lose weight. I can't say that I've done the best of jobs but I have lost 5 pounds. But I think I'm going to end up gaining it all back due to my sweet MI.

That child is driving me to eat. I want to reward myself for not killing her, or even hitting this morning. Right now I'm hankering after a cup of java with chocolate and cream heaped on to it. This really pisses me off since I am no longer tipping the scales at 200 lbs. I'm down to 193 and I want to keep going but this child is really challenging me.

I have a question, "What the hell is apple pan dowdy?" I know I won't want to eat it because I'm sure it's cooked apples and I hate cooked apples.

I still plan on going and getting that cup of coffee but I won't have anything else today that will jeopardize my weight loss. Oh, are you curious about my goal. I want to get down to 140. So my goal isn't all that crazy. At 140 I wear a size 12.

My Grandma.

Grandmas. I was remembering my paternal grandmother. She had 5 children. My grandmother was a fascinating old lady. She lived a hard life but then she wasn't all that much different from so many others.

Grandma was born at the turn of the last century. Her own mother had quite the life, too. In fact much of it is veiled and hidden. No one knows why my Mama was sent to Ohio but the rumour suggests an out of wedlock child. Mama married a man who was rather difficult to get along with much of the time. He had been married once before and his wife died. I don't know why. All I know is once Tom, Mama's husband, died Mama took her 2 girls to Church and had them baptized Catholic. Mama never got remarried.

My grandma went to school. In the 8th grade she played basketball. I mean she was on her school's basketball team. I remember seeing a picture of these young women dressed in short skirts (short being at the knee) most had their hair bobbed. It wasn't quite the roaring twenties yet but a short hair cut was in fashion. I can't remember if my grandmother finished high school or not. I do know that she spent most of her life working.

At some point she met my grandfather and married him. My grandfather was a hard working man but he was also a hard playing man. I don't think my grandfather spent a whole lot of time with his family. He was a safety man for the steel mills. In the end that would lead him to his death. Buck was also a volunteer fire fighter. I imagine he was one of those men-- Strong, diligent, a bit of a dare devil perhaps a warrior without a war to fight. Except he did find that too.

What I mean is he was one of the many brave men who stood up to big business and demanded rights. My grandfather was a Union man. He took that seriously. Once my father wanted to join the National Guard and my grandfather won't let him. When my father asked why, my grandfather replied, "When the strike hits I don't want to be looking down the barrel and seeing my son. I don't want to have to kill you; or be killed by you." In the town my family grew up in strikes were very serious; in the late eighties I was visiting, and I went to a grocery store. I couldn't find what I was looking for so I asked the girl in the store about the item. She told me that this other store had it but advised me strongly to forget about it since the store was being striked. I kidded you not the girl told me to cross that line would be risking my own life. "It's a Union town here.", she said with pride.

So you see my grandfather was a busy man. And when he wasn't busy with business. He was busy drinking. There was a bar on Brownsville Road where he spent his time with the other volunteer fire fighters. It was near the fire station. It was still there when my grandmother showed it to me in the 80s. And men that were use to doing hard labor were still visiting it. It was like some sort of brotherhood.

What ended my grandfather's working life was a fall on to a vat. The weird thing about this accident was the vat had just had the lid put on it. If my grandfather had slipped a few seconds earlier he would have died out right. Shortly after that my grandfather started to act weird. Oh there wasn't anything seriously wrong at first. He would wander off. No one would know where. Then he stopped bringing home his checks. I'm not sure what was exactly the last straw but my grandfather ended up in the state hospital. He was committed and that meant my grandmother had to find work. She had been working all along but now she need serious money. My own father went to work at the young age of 7. He worked in a Jewish deli. But that's another story.

What this all boils down to is in the end my grandmother went back to school in her mid-40s to become a LPN. I remember the graduating class picture. There are all these fresh young faces in ovals. Then you see this picture of a mature woman with snowy white hair. I think she was so courageous.

One thing I've been told is that I have her walk. My mother says that my grandmother had a very clipped determined walk. She wasn't a tall woman but she got places very quickly. She just kept on walking. Determined. Yes, she was a determined woman. She wanted things her way but she wasn't ugly about it. At least I never saw it. There are those who would say that she could be very ugly but I can't help wonder if there is some sour grapes to those memories. Yes she was a fascinating old lady. She learned to drive a car at 50 years old. Courageous and fascinating.

Future business intern

Yes, Little Blonde bitch, you may have an internship up your sleeve. You may be hot stuff in someone's point of view but to me you are nothing but a rude little shit. I have many fond wishes in your future business experiences. Most of all I hope someone comes down on you with hob-nailed shoes, and knocks you down a peg or two.

All I was trying to do was help you. Your communication skills suck. Next time you come in to the library (without the title) don't expect the librarian to be able to read your mind. Walking in and saying you have an internship and you need to watch the videos for it doesn't help much. You assume too much. First of all I don't know what kind of freaking intern you are going to be. Is it medical? What? And definitely when the nice lady at the reference desk starts to ask questions don't cop an attitude and get all huffy with her. It doesn't make her feel inclined to help you. (She does because it's her job but she's really itching to tell you to fuck off.)

In fact the nice lady behind the desk continues to help you even though you've gone off. When you come back to her it's not very good to continue the attitude especially when you want more help! I'm not asking for grovelling behavior but a more approachable attitude would be nice.

All I want for Valentine's Day

Well most women want some sort of metal for Valentine's. Okay, precious metal with a stone attached. This year I wanted the metal in my scalp out of my head. It was also the day that our drive way got fixed. You know we don't want any unwanted drive ways lying around. :-0

Seriously, our house was suffering from drive way thrust. Our house is down hill from our drive way. The cheap builder only put in a tar joint at the apron of the drive. Well the physics in play here it anytime someone approached the house and applied the brakes on their vehicle caused the drive to smash into the house. Eventually over time the house would have been knocked off the stem walls and foundation. This is much worse than foundation sagging. Luckily we caught it in time so we don't have that kind of damage. We now are proud owners of a drive way wiht 2 expansion joints-- one on the approach on the other at the apron. There are approximately 4 strips of rubber in the cut they made in the concrete. They went all the way down to the sand bed of drive.

This project took longer for them to complete than they expected because our drive was thicker than normal. They could only go so far with the nifty concrete saw. The rest of the way they had to hand chisel it out.

So this messed up my plans. I wanted to go in the early afternoon to get my staples out. Instead I got to the urgent care place around 5:30. I got them out. It didn't hurt as bad as I was expecting. The good thing was PF and I got to eat at the Indian restaurant that we like. So we did have a Valentines date after all. We weren't planning on one. So it was a nice surprise.

The story of the wannabe unicorn; or how I confused myself with a rhinoceroes

Last week I worked a lot of hours. I had over 30 hours in last week. This week I was suppose to have over 30 hours of work in, too. Well ST got the flu over the weekend. So that shot my 10 hour day.

See Monday I was going to work for 6 hours during the day and return at night and work another 4 hours. In the break I was going to pick up the girls from school and cart them to their various after school activities. Then I was going to high tail it to work.

Well, it didn't happened. In fact I ended up spending money on Monday. I had to take ST to the doctor because she looked horrible. So the 6 hours was gone. I dropped her off with my mother who was waiting to pick-up MI. I went and picked up DQ. Took her to ballet. We were late. I had stopped and got DQ an Icy from 7-11. My mistake.

Needless to say it was my mistake, too when I bent down carelessly to put her Icy in the cubby DQ had chosen. On my descent down I felt an excursiating pain on my head. I quietly muttered a damn it. And then I heard the teenage girl who assists the teacher remark, "That looked like it hurt." At this point I removed my hand from my head and realized that I was bleeding. Suddenly blood was coursing down my face. It was getting in my eyes, down my nose. I couldn't believe it. I've hit my head before but I've never had a cut on my head. I knew that head wounds bleed a lot. I knew I needed to get paper towels to stop the flow but the bathroom was locked. I went to the owner and asked if she had some paper towels. To say that she blanched when she looked at me would be an understatement. Her eyes widened to the point where I thought they were going to pop out of her head. Oh have I mentioned that I was crying? I couldn't believe it. I'm not one to cry when I get hurt but I was crying. I felt so ashamed of myself because I was crying which then only made me cry more. Go figure.

Anyway, Summer, one of the teachers, comes in and looks at my head. She told me I needed to go to the ER for some stitches. I told her that head wounds bleed profusely and I doubt that I need any medical attention. Summer really looked perplexed. She told me that it was a very large gash on my head. Summer got the phone and wanted to call PF. Faced with that phone I realized I couldn't remember his work number or his cell number. It took me a couple of attempts to get it right. Summer informs PF that I was okay and that I didn't lose consciousness. I'm standing there thinking OH MY GOD that is not the way to start this conversation. I get the phone and told PF that I'm taking myself to the urgent care facility about a mile and one half up the road. He said he would meet me there.

Now I realize that I will need to call work. I call and tell my co-worker that I was in need of medical attention. Okay. Got that covered. Now I must get into my mother's car and drive myself to the urgent care place.

When I get there I find out that I have never gone to the urgent care place for myself. I've taken my children and my husband but never myself. So I have to fill out their paper work. Now I'm crying and bleeding everywhere and I have to fill out this stupid form. I'm thinking I need to try not to touch too many things so they don't have to clean up too much stuff. You know bloodborne pathogens and all. I try to fill this form out. I didn't do a good job. In fact I couldn't answer many of the questions. I mean do you have your significant others SSN memorized? I don't. I got called to the window again. They asked about PF's SSN and birthdate. I told her that I didn't know the SSN and couldn't find my cheat sheet in my purse. I told her that PF's birthday was 9/30/68 which is my birthdate. She said cool how we share a birthday. I look at her completely confused. I told her that PF and I don't share a birthdate. That's when she looks at me. And she says, "Oh my your nose is bleeding! Do you need some assistance?" DUH! I told her that I didn't have a bloody nose but that my blood was coursing over my face from a head wound.

Finally I get called in for my vitals. The nurse asked me to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. Ten being the most painful. I thought for a second to be a hero but changed my mind. I told her that it was most definitely a 10+. I was taken immediately back. I sat in a room where they used it as a store room and an examining room for minor surgeries. I guess I was going to have minor surgery. They asked me all kinds of health questions. It's only now that I realized I forgot to tell them that I am an asmatic. While I'm waiting PF finally makes his way in to the room. I heard who ever was guiding him. She was a little confused about where they had put me. Hmmmmmmm. Comforting huh?

Well the doctor came in shortly afterwards and starts giving me a thorough examination. He gets to the part where they look up your nasal passages. Guess where the numskull put his hand?!-- on top of my head! I started crying and whimpering again. He's all like, "What did I do?" I point to the top of my head. And he's like "OHHHHH! That's why your here. That's a nasty gash. How you do that?" So he gets to work on me. I have 7 staples in my head.

For the last 3 days I've been a little loopy. I've done some irrational things that scared me. I've gotten things mixed up. So I'm guessing that I was a bit concussed on top of the gash on my head. The first day I was nauseous. I haven't had much of an appetite. But I think I'm on the mend. I can say things now and make sense. This morning I washed my hair for the first time in about a week. I went into this needing a shampoo. I didn't do the best of jobs on it for there is still the ointment that they put on the gash there but I look decent once again.

Oh wait! I've forgotten to explain the title. My boss called me up yesterday telling me I needed to come up with a good story. So this morning I realized what it was going to be. ST had an unicorn theme birthday party. My story: I tried grafting a horn onto my head and it didn't take. But I'll have a scar to show for my trouble. PF said that I took on my role a rhinoceros too seriously.

Sherman Alexie

I'm reading Sherman Alexie's newest novel. It is a YA novel called The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian. It is really a great read. If you're white and easily get offended by how miniorities see you then you probably don't want to read it. It is a book about race. Plain and simple.

I live in a state where African-Americans are treated better than the Native American people are. In fact in the Western part of the state if you are Native American and end up in a life threatening car accident forget about getting medical emergency help. Those folks will stand there and watch you die.

I know this to be true because when I dated a Native American boy in high school people went around telling my parents the biggest lies about him. Said he was some sort of druggie dude. I can vouch for him. He never did drugs. Alcohol was his choice but he wasn't any different from any other guy in our high school. By the way this guy wasn't from one of the 5 Tribes. The 5 Tribes people aren't looked down on as much as the Apache, Commanche, etc. This guy was an Apache.

Anyway, this book is a hoot! Junior is a 14 year old boy who ends up leaving the reservation to go to school in the white town. Actually he doesn't really leave the "rez", he just goes to school in town. His community sees this as an act of treason.

Sherman Alexie captures the Native American humor well. I first got interested in Alexie when I had to do original cataloging of video the college did of his visit. He is an entertaining speaker. I immediately checked out our copy of Smoke Signals and took it home to watch. This is one of the movies that lives in PF and my imagination. We alluded to it for months after watching it. When we took a trip to New Mexico we found ourselves saying, "Hey! Victor."

My experience is racism against Native Americans is far more accepted than racism against African Americans, Hispanics or Asians. Maybe it just matters about what part of the country you live in but I've seen things that aren't right. I know about more injustices perpetrated on the Native Americans than on any miniority. Our federal government thinks nothing of going in to reservations and eliminating the sources of income the Native people develop for themselves. During the '60s the Federal Marshalls exteriminated the sheep herds of the Navajos. Before Guantanamo we had political prisoners. In fact every time this particular person comes up for parole the parole hearing is denied. This is Native American man accused of killing an FBI agent in North Dakota. The courts were never able to prove that he killed the FBI agent but the government refuses give the man his freedom. It seems to me that as soon as the Native Americans become successful at something the US government steps in and throws a wrench into the works. You don't hear about these things. They don't make the 6 o'clock news or even the 10 o'clock news. Wanna read some good history on Native Americans and their treatment by the U.S. government? Read Angie Deboe's books. Here is something to think about Angie Deboe was denied her PhD. Why? Because she stood up against the treatment of Native Americans.

So if you read this book by Alexie and get offended by the things that are said in the book. Stop. Think. Read some history. The plight of the Native American is at our door step just as much as the plight of the African American peoples is. Our forefathers were rather good at creating situations that modelled what happened in Ireland. In fact one can say that Ireland was the prototype of the subjegation of people all over the world. The British just prefected it in other places.

Sickness abounds in our house lately. MI suffered a horrible head cold all weekend long. She continues have problems with her nose. Sometimes her head gets so congested that I know she has to be in agony. She's been a real trooper through all of this. Although, she did bite another child at school yesterday. DQ has had a cold too. Her's brought on a bit of larygnitis. It was fun to listen to her as she tried to talk. Oddly enough ST hasn't had anything abnormal. Just the normal allergy stuff.

Now PF is down. He's at home today. He's dizzy. I forgot to get the bed table out for him. I didn't want him walking around since he resembles a pin ball bouncing off the bumpers. I'm worried he's going to end up tilting.

Wondering about me? Well, I feel okay. As long as I don't bend down or roll over while laying down. It feels like it did when I had BPV. So I'm sure I'm having an inner ear issue. I'm just not sure whether it is caused by a virus or if it is BPV. If it is BPV it will last way to long and get progressively worse. Luckily if that happens I know what I will need to do, and I won't need to spend money at the doctor's office.

Another thing that is new is ST is getting an appliance to try to break the thumb sucking habit. The issue here is that her thumb is preventing her big teeth to come in properly. If we can break the habit then the teeth will come in well and perhaps we won't need to get her braces. I weighed the situation and decided it was worth a try. So ST has been going to the orthodontist for the last 2 weeks. Yesterday they made a mold of her mouth.

ST's appointment was too early to get DQ out of school, too. I spent the morning yesterday trying to figure out what to do with DQ. I finally decided to take advantage of the school's transportation system. DQ road the bus home. I'm now realizing I never got my house keyes back from her. I hope they are in the house or somewhere else that is safe. DQ felt so special riding the bus home from school. ST was so out of sorts about not getting to ride the bus home from school. I kept telling her that her time would come. Although I don't feel very comfortable about giving her the house keyes. I'm afraid she would loose them because she would keep showing them to the other kids. ST is such a flighty little thing.

The unimbraceable hugger

Hip huggers! When are they going to go away? I am so tired of looking at young women's midriff's hanging over these low riding pants. Have you noticed, too, that the back end of these pants makes these young women' bottoms look flat and unshapely? Backpockets hang so low that they kinda look like they are all carrying a load.

Really when will the style change? Even Britney Spears no longer looks good in hip huggers. I saw that Britney is going to try and add more cute mistakes to this world. If that's the case then here's my advise Britney... go with the natural waist style pants because you are just a bit too soft these days to pull off the hip huggers. Plus, your plan to have more kids is only going to ruin your figure more so I hope you've prepared yourself for more mean comments from the media.

To be enlightened

After being on the market for approximately 8 to 9 months our house out by the lake sold. Anyone who's sold/bought a house knows there were snafus and snags. An inspection of the house proved that the house needed to be lifted a bit. The oven stopped working sometime during the last 3 years. But overall the house was in good condition. Once we figured out how to fix those issues so we could close relatively quickly the process went pretty smoothly.

We did get pretty close to the asking price. I was just gratefull that PF accepted the bid without any haggling. I remember the night that PF handed me the contract. We were in a restuarant. I jumped up and did a dance. People looked up from their meals to watch me. I didn't care. I was just so happy.

Now we have money. We no longer look at every purchase and wonder if it is essential to our living. Now we can go into Quiznos and get the kids a bag of chips and a drink and buy a children's meal at the competition next door. I've got big plans for that money that we spent on the morgtage. We are going to start saving for the kids education. We aren't going to have a seperate account for each of them. It's all going to go into one account. It will be our money-- not their's.

I'm also going to go out shopping for kitchen chairs, material to recover the dining room chairs and to make a valance for the dining room window. Our other expense we plan to do is put in a fence. I'm tired of the neighbor's dog's poop in our yard.

I feel lighter than I have for years. And I know that PF does to.

How's this for crazy

Last night I could not go to sleep. I laid in bed awake. My thoughts were running wild. I worried about my children. I worried about my house that we are trying to sell so we won't be bankrupt in 2008. I thought about those two baby boys in China. Can you believe it? I really, really thought about applying to adopt one of them. I mean these guys need a family, don't they? DQ needs someone in the family that looks like her in some way. (Last night she was upset. She finally realized that my hair color is not black but dark brown. Her words were, "Now I don't look like anyone in the family!")

As I laid awake, I thought about Adj. Queen. While I worked closely beside her low those many years ago and listened to her complain about her lack of sleep I often did not appreciate her the Cross she bore. Now I am TOTALLY sympathetic. Or is that empathetic? I walk in her shoes. It is horrible to lay in bed while your so lays there softly snoring, totally oblivious to the situation you are enduring. In fact PF started to have a nightmare. So I started to rub his belly and whisper that it's okay. PF awakes and apologizes for waking me. I told him not to worry. I was already awake and hadn't slept a wink yet.

This was a couple of hours after we had turned out the light. Here's something to giggle about. I don't know if you'll remember that I had a nightmare where I was screamming really, really loudly after watching the movie, Cars. Well PF had watched Dogs and Cats with the kids recently. His dream was inspired by something in that movie. I told him we really needed to stop watching these children's movies since we keep getting these nightmares. That got us to laughing pretty hard considering it had to be about 1:00 AM.

Well after the belly laugh PF falls quickly asleep again. I'm beginning to think he suffers from narcolepsy. Depending on how tired PF is he can fall asleep in the middle of talking to you. I'm serious. One minute he's saying, "Let's go buy..." You never know what it was he wanted to buy. The man is asleep. I digress. When PF falls back to sleep I continue to lay there waiting for the blessed event to happen to me. It finally does but I don't know how or why because my brain continue to go around and around. And I went back to thinking about adding to the family. I'm going to have to research about those tumors.

Love without boundaries

I have thousands of children that I love. I've never met them and probably never will. However, I am connected to them because my eldest daughter is their sister through their shared life experience.

I just wanted to do something for these kiddoes. Right now Facebook has a competion going on for charities. Love without Boundaries is in the lead. I would like for themm to win. I'm going to do my part but I wanted to do more. Back in the beginning of December Love without Boundaries had to close down their emergency response because they had run out of money in their general funds. They could no longer respond to the urgent needs of babies abandoned with major health problems. On Christmas morning the director found out about two baby boys with similiar medical issues that required IMMEDIATE medical attention. They had tumors on their backs that had ruptured. Without immediate surgery those two boys would die; the orphanages did not have the means to provide the medical care so they asked Love without Boundaries to help. I know the director of LWB personally and I have a feeling that she took her own personal money to help these two boys.

So if you want a chance to start the New Year out doing a good thing please check out: Facebook Challenge

If you are worried about how much of the money goes to the children they serve I can tell you that they only have a 3% overhead because the board of directors and the founder are all volunteers. Should they win this competition they will have the funds to help emergency cases again. I'm going to link their blog to mine so if you would like to read more you can.