THE NEWS

Last Saturday I ran a test on myself. I wasn't sure what I would discover but I knew it was time. Time to have information. Time to have knowledge. It was time.

When I got the results (and I have to confess that the result was rather quick) I was devastated. I felt so sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Then after awhile I started to feel a little excited. Anticipation set in; as did wonder. But still anytime I thought about telling PF I would get so scared. I didn't want to have to deal with his reaction. Last time he didn't handle it very well. In fact it was a time of strife in our marriage. I really thought that he would divorce me.

By know I hope you realize that I am pregnant. In fact tomorrow will be 10 weeks! I didn't want to tell anyone because it was still so early. But around Wednesday this week I couldn't hold it in any longer. I don't plan on telling the children until I'm into my 2nd trimester. DQ is going to be devastated. ST will be ecstatic, and I have no clue how MI will take the news. MI's been asking for a baby brother her age for awhile now. Of course that's not going to happen but I don't know if she'll understand that.

I did tell PF. He's taken it so much better than last time. I mean he isn't moping around, or trying to give himself a heart attack. He is calm and gratious. I told him Saturday night while we watched the Olympics. It just flew out of my mouth. No setting the stage. No romantic talk. I didn't even look at him. Really I don't remember what he said. I think it had something to do with having a lot of things to get done. If there is anything really upsetting him it's the fact that I had those medical procedures done last month. His worried about how that would affect the baby.

Well folks life's a crap shoot. You don't know what you're going to get. But whatever is is. I'm not going to spend my time worrying about what's been done for it cannot be undone. I'm living in the moment. This is God's child and I am nothing but a vessel and an instrument for His work. I love babies. Always have. I'm not too keen on 3 year olds but you know that falls under the future and I'm not going there. My reality is now. This day and what I do today is all I can control and even then not everything is in my control.

I am now very excited about this pregnancy. I am looking forward to meeting this child. My belly is already big. The round ligaments are feeling some strain. I haven't been sick. I have been hungry. Very, very hungry. I eat almost 2 to 3 hours. I also can't eat a whole lot in one sitting or I get sick to my stomache. I'm craving proteins. Cheese, meat, peanut butter (which I don't cave into to protect the baby from too early a nut introduction), and Coke a Cola (which I don't cave into because I don't believe that it would be very good for the baby.) I've stopped taking 2 meds. The other thing about this pregnancy is that I am dizzy. This is different than my other two pregnancies; so when people ask about what I want I just tell them that the pregnancy were not similiar to the other two.

To make this pregnancy even more interesting, my niece is pregnant, too with her second child. I'm a month further than her. So we will have a race to see who will give birth first. I've already got my doula set up. Okay she's not a trained professional but she's always been my doula. It's my sister, I Don't Get Mad/I Get Even. I know she will be there for me, and she won't let the health care professionals try to bully me. I am so grateful to God for a sister like her. She's always, always been there for me. God bless her.

So keep me in your prayers if you pray; if not then keep me in your thoughts. I'm forty years old and pregnant.