The story of the wannabe unicorn; or how I confused myself with a rhinoceroes

Last week I worked a lot of hours. I had over 30 hours in last week. This week I was suppose to have over 30 hours of work in, too. Well ST got the flu over the weekend. So that shot my 10 hour day.

See Monday I was going to work for 6 hours during the day and return at night and work another 4 hours. In the break I was going to pick up the girls from school and cart them to their various after school activities. Then I was going to high tail it to work.

Well, it didn't happened. In fact I ended up spending money on Monday. I had to take ST to the doctor because she looked horrible. So the 6 hours was gone. I dropped her off with my mother who was waiting to pick-up MI. I went and picked up DQ. Took her to ballet. We were late. I had stopped and got DQ an Icy from 7-11. My mistake.

Needless to say it was my mistake, too when I bent down carelessly to put her Icy in the cubby DQ had chosen. On my descent down I felt an excursiating pain on my head. I quietly muttered a damn it. And then I heard the teenage girl who assists the teacher remark, "That looked like it hurt." At this point I removed my hand from my head and realized that I was bleeding. Suddenly blood was coursing down my face. It was getting in my eyes, down my nose. I couldn't believe it. I've hit my head before but I've never had a cut on my head. I knew that head wounds bleed a lot. I knew I needed to get paper towels to stop the flow but the bathroom was locked. I went to the owner and asked if she had some paper towels. To say that she blanched when she looked at me would be an understatement. Her eyes widened to the point where I thought they were going to pop out of her head. Oh have I mentioned that I was crying? I couldn't believe it. I'm not one to cry when I get hurt but I was crying. I felt so ashamed of myself because I was crying which then only made me cry more. Go figure.

Anyway, Summer, one of the teachers, comes in and looks at my head. She told me I needed to go to the ER for some stitches. I told her that head wounds bleed profusely and I doubt that I need any medical attention. Summer really looked perplexed. She told me that it was a very large gash on my head. Summer got the phone and wanted to call PF. Faced with that phone I realized I couldn't remember his work number or his cell number. It took me a couple of attempts to get it right. Summer informs PF that I was okay and that I didn't lose consciousness. I'm standing there thinking OH MY GOD that is not the way to start this conversation. I get the phone and told PF that I'm taking myself to the urgent care facility about a mile and one half up the road. He said he would meet me there.

Now I realize that I will need to call work. I call and tell my co-worker that I was in need of medical attention. Okay. Got that covered. Now I must get into my mother's car and drive myself to the urgent care place.

When I get there I find out that I have never gone to the urgent care place for myself. I've taken my children and my husband but never myself. So I have to fill out their paper work. Now I'm crying and bleeding everywhere and I have to fill out this stupid form. I'm thinking I need to try not to touch too many things so they don't have to clean up too much stuff. You know bloodborne pathogens and all. I try to fill this form out. I didn't do a good job. In fact I couldn't answer many of the questions. I mean do you have your significant others SSN memorized? I don't. I got called to the window again. They asked about PF's SSN and birthdate. I told her that I didn't know the SSN and couldn't find my cheat sheet in my purse. I told her that PF's birthday was 9/30/68 which is my birthdate. She said cool how we share a birthday. I look at her completely confused. I told her that PF and I don't share a birthdate. That's when she looks at me. And she says, "Oh my your nose is bleeding! Do you need some assistance?" DUH! I told her that I didn't have a bloody nose but that my blood was coursing over my face from a head wound.

Finally I get called in for my vitals. The nurse asked me to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. Ten being the most painful. I thought for a second to be a hero but changed my mind. I told her that it was most definitely a 10+. I was taken immediately back. I sat in a room where they used it as a store room and an examining room for minor surgeries. I guess I was going to have minor surgery. They asked me all kinds of health questions. It's only now that I realized I forgot to tell them that I am an asmatic. While I'm waiting PF finally makes his way in to the room. I heard who ever was guiding him. She was a little confused about where they had put me. Hmmmmmmm. Comforting huh?

Well the doctor came in shortly afterwards and starts giving me a thorough examination. He gets to the part where they look up your nasal passages. Guess where the numskull put his hand?!-- on top of my head! I started crying and whimpering again. He's all like, "What did I do?" I point to the top of my head. And he's like "OHHHHH! That's why your here. That's a nasty gash. How you do that?" So he gets to work on me. I have 7 staples in my head.

For the last 3 days I've been a little loopy. I've done some irrational things that scared me. I've gotten things mixed up. So I'm guessing that I was a bit concussed on top of the gash on my head. The first day I was nauseous. I haven't had much of an appetite. But I think I'm on the mend. I can say things now and make sense. This morning I washed my hair for the first time in about a week. I went into this needing a shampoo. I didn't do the best of jobs on it for there is still the ointment that they put on the gash there but I look decent once again.

Oh wait! I've forgotten to explain the title. My boss called me up yesterday telling me I needed to come up with a good story. So this morning I realized what it was going to be. ST had an unicorn theme birthday party. My story: I tried grafting a horn onto my head and it didn't take. But I'll have a scar to show for my trouble. PF said that I took on my role a rhinoceros too seriously.