Of late I've been searching for myself. Oh, I don't mean it in a cliched way. I mean lately I've been seriously asking myself questions about my life. I've admitted to myself what my main problem in life is. I don't care to share that bit of information but it is something that defines who I am, and why I do the things that I do.
Because of this epiphany in my life I need to think about my life right now. I am happily married but I see where I really haven't lived my own life. I've lived a very sheltered life. I've never been on my own. In fact if I were suddenly to become single today I would still not be alone. I have my children.
Yesterday, I went to a family event that incorporated several different families (not all directly related to me). A woman who is related to my brother that I happened to go to high school with was at the party. This woman has gone through at least 2 marriages. (I think it's more but can't remember.) Between marriages she's dated men. I hate to say this so that probably means I shouldn't say it but damn I'm left with no outlet then. So here goes. These men that populate her life are not very interesting, smart, attractive or employed. Which amazes me since she is smart, attractive and interesting and employed. After meeting the new flame in her life I had to fight urges of pulling her aside and telling her I could introduce her to men that not only are intelligent they look good too. Okay. So now you know how very shallow I am. But really I'm not that much into looks. I mean I like my men smart. This guy she had with her yesterday looked like someone who would be interviewed by the media after a catastrophic event for our area. Those of you living in the South, and other areas considered back water by the rest of the country know what I mean. The media looks for those individuals who look like they are complete idiots (usually missing a couple of teeth).
So here's my real thought. After considering these men that this woman dates and sometimes end up marrying, and thinking of someone else who recently found herself widowed, and the man she ended up married to a few short months after her husband death I'm really wondering about the world out there. If I were to end up single would all I have to choose from would be dorks? If so I think that I am really grateful for my children.
Considering what I've been typing here I bet you all think that I'm being very morbid here. I'm not worried about PF dying on me. I'm just thinking about some very practical things here like... I don't want to marry again. That would not be in my financial interest. Nor do I believe it would be in the interest of my kids. However, I don't think I would rule out having a relationship with someone. But I would be very particular about that person. It definitely would be someone who had a brain in his head. He would have to believe in evolution. He would have to dance (and I don't mean gyrating to what's on the radio). He would have to have spirituality. He would have to be compassionate. He would have to have a job (something more than the local MickeyD's) In essence he would have to be a lot like my very own PF.
What makes these women turn to these men? I don't know. All I know is I am definitely not going out with the village idiot just to be going out. I am worth far more than that. If that means I never have a date then so be it. Why do I right this? So that I can come back to it if I ever need to. I want to be able to help myself out later. Maybe if these women had thought ahead to all the possibilities out there they won't settle either.
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