I went to a kid party over the weekend. I didn't really want to go because the hosting family lives down the street from us. They are your perfect family. Three boys. Slender, sexy mom. Good looking dad with the family dog to boot. They drive a mini-van and a SUV. And this was going to be a pool party at our neighborhood club house.
Now, I knew even though Passionfruit didn't that I would be required to get in the pool. I'm not obese, at least not in my mind, but I am overweight. I've seen this neighbor at the pool, and she wears bikinis. She looks good in them too. I'm a beached whale in comparison. So you can already see where my mind is taking me.
Well, we went. The kids had a great time. Sexy neighbor didn't wear a bathing suit and didn't get in the water. How gracious is that? Meow. However Sexy neighbor was wearing a cute pair of hip huggers, a green halter top, and these sexy little strappy sandals with just a touch of a heel. Her hair was all fluffed up and looked nice without being tedious. I'd say the chick is about 5 to 6 years older than me.
At one point one of my girls needed to go to the potty. We went and flushed the toilet. The water in the bowl kept rising and rising. I open the door in hopes of catching my darling's eye. No such luck. No, in fact the only person who noticed me was Sexy neighbor. Sexy neighbor comes in looks the situation over; grabs a plunger and plunges that toilet until it goes down. I'm standing there watching this woman in these impossibly cute, sexy sandals, a coke can in her hand plunging the hell out of the toilet, and I realize that I am not only matronly but inept.
I'm suddenly plunged back into the past. I'm a senior in high school and Eric Johnson is telling me that I'm the kinda of girl guys want to marry-- not date! I think it's really cool that this guy I've known since third grade is trying to console me and make me feel better. But really deep down does any woman really only want to be a matron? I remember my dad trying to console me, too. His line was every man wants a lady in the parlor and a whore in bed. Hmmmm. Makes ya think, doesn't it.
Well, one thing I know, I will never be able to make plunging a toilet look sexy. I guess I will continue to live my life as a matronly woman. I apparently was matronly even in high school. But inside I think I'll still be yearning to be just a tad bit sexy to the opposite sex.
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