I have a talisman

I have a talisman. I hang on to it with dear life. Anytime that I think about getting rid of it or at least some of it I can't bring myself to do it.

What is this talisman? It is the baby clothes my three little girls have worn. It's also every piece of baby equipment-- things like crib mattress covers, the bassinet, bibs and bottles.

Anytime I think about passing these things on to the next woman with children I freeze. I become irrationally scared. I know as soon as I give these things away I will become pregnant again. These things are keeping us from growing our family. I just know it.

Where am I keeping these things? Well right now they are in plastic bins in my closet. This is where my problems begin. I know have at least 5 bins of baby clothes in my closet.

Recently I've started moving these bins out. They are going up into the attic. Now I have to deal with my feelings of guilt. I keep thinking that there is someone that could really use the clothes. All of these things are going to waste because I have an irrational fear.

Every once in a while I work up my courage and I think, "This is it. I'm going to pack up all these things and give them away." Then the fear sets in. I just can't make myself give it away. I would lose my talisman.

Family has tried to help. My sister-in-law tells me that my next child will be a boy. Then she goes on and tells me that it will be twin boys! That's when I know she hates me. Me! A mother of 5!@! No way! Her rational. All the clothes are for girls; therefore, I would need different stuff.

Ah! Now that's a thought. Perhaps I can go through the clothes and pull out the things that would work well for any gender. Keep those things and toss the rest. Well not toss but circulate the rest. I think I might just work on that idea.

All I know is that I need a talisman.