I sit at work realizing I need to work but yet I'm here instead. I just want to quickly review life.

As many of you know my mother is at the end of her life. When you are in my position you end up evaluating your own life to a certain extent, of course what helps is an overly cautious doctor who sends you in for more tests after your yearly examine, too.

Now after taking my mother to the doctors's well over a year now, I've learned that doctors doctor to their personalities. For example. Cautious people make cautious doctors. Today, I had to field my siblings worries and concerns for a simple test that the oncologist ordered. One sister turned into a mass of nerves as has been the case since Mom's got sick. The other sister turned into Rambo. Ready to take out the oncologist for ordering up a superflous test. Test in question? A simple chest X-Ray! My God you would have thought the doctor ordered up some sort of exotic painful test with the way my two siblings reacted.

So here is the way I view the X-Ray. Oncologist sees body fluids that are in places where it doesn't belong as a danger because it can cause infections and other complications. Surgeon views body fluids as a normal reaction of the body to surgery. Two different types of doctors two different perspectives on body fluids. Not to dis surgeons, but they pretty much seem to know how to cut people open and take things out or repair things but maybe don't get the big picture of the whole body working together as a unit. I've already explained that in my limited experience oncologists view fluid in the body as potential infection sites. Other doctors probably have different view points, too. But I can tell you that I certainly did not think that a simple chest X-Ray warranted the types of reactions from my two female siblings.

You would have thought that Mom was dying! I mean, I know that I just said Mom is at the end of her life, but I don't mean she's on death's doorstep. Mom's got a lot of life in her, yet. And for a 75 year old woman she is the model patient and mother. Bless her heart. Yes, Mom felt a certain amount of frustration over this "development" but she took it like a trooper.

As far as my whacked out sisters... no one hears me complain that I'm left off the list of people on the computer as her emergency contact person. No on hears me complain that they're all whacked. (OKAY, I'm complaining right now, but I don't complain to them.)

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that I'm amazed that the spoiled, rotten, lazy baby sister is holding it all together for the rest of the family. I've had to calm down Aunts, and siblings. Luckily for me our cousins don't give a damn because I don't know how many more people I can take care of right now.

And then my own personal shit going on that I dare not share with my family. Can you imagine how they would take the possible cancer scare in my life right now? Man, I just can't do that to them. They would completely fall apart. So I'm looking forward to getting the fact finding mission over with tomorrow. Tomorrow, I've got to drink a ton of water. Not looking forward to that since lately I can't seem to hold a lot in my bladder. I'll just walk gingerly into the radiology clinic and demand they take me immedtiately. Of course, I know I'm just dreaming. Part of their amusement is to see how long you can hold it!! Luckily they scheduled the pelvic ultrasound as the first and then the mammogram. For those not in the know I'm not worried about the mammogram. Had one 5 or 6 years ago, nothing to it. No sweat. Not really worried about the pelvic ultrasound either. Had several of those while on fertility pills. No, just worried about what it may find. Being relatively educated I went out and read up on ovarian cancer. I do have some of the symptoms but that doesn't mean a thing because the symptoms could be anything. Hence, that is why ovarian cancer is so deadly. No real symptoms.

Again, this is a case where the personality of the doctor plays a big part in the diagnoses, care and therapy. My OB happens to be a very careful person. I like that in her. My OB is also a very caring person. So I feel pretty good overall. Once I told Passionfruit I calmed down very quickly. Passionfruit took me in his arms and held me, and things just got better immediately. So don't worry for me. I'm okay. This is just a fact finding mission and probably nothing will come of it.