Epic Road Trip

PF recently saw my blog and told me that I failed to chronicle our summer vacation. This summer we went to several National Parks and Memorials. Our first stop was Scott's Bluff in Nebraska. We elected to drive to the top and do our hiking from there. We also saw Chimney Rock but didn't stop there. Just marveled at the wonder. After the a short amount of hiking the kids were hungry. We drove back into town and ate at a McDonald's. Met some interesting families there. This was the 1st time someone encouraged us to go see Mount Rushmore.

After lunch we headed on into Wyoming. Our next place to visit was going to be Devil's Tower National Park. On the way to our hotel PF noticed that we would be passing a coal mining venture. He wanted the kids to get a sense of where electricity comes from... Neither the kids or I were interested. Kinda felt bad. We got to the hotel in time for dinner and a quick swim. In the morning we headed on over to Devil's Tower. It affected me in a very spiritual way. We watched folks climbing it and it just didn't seem right. There was a sense of peace there. I could have stayed there and just sat. I wanted to revel in God's handiwork. I wanted the cool breeze to waft over my body. It just seemed right to be there. I wanted to sit and sit.

Unfortunately with kids you can't. They were hungry, thirsty and tired. So we drove to the closest "civilized" area--Tourist Trap. Paid an unGodly amount for lunch and they won't take a credit card! I highly recommend folks not to patronize the place across from the KOA but do all their business with KOA. Really I don't mind tourist traps. It's a business but one ought to be pleasant about robbing me. I smile would do wonders for me. PF told me that several people recommended going to Mount Rushmore and Jewel Cave. So we get into the car and start heading towards South Dakota. In the mean time we notice a thunderstorm that developed. We got caught in that storm and it remained rather stormy for most of the afternoon.

While driving to SD I was driving the posted speed limit but that was too high for the road conditions. We ended up hydroplaning. When all was said and done we were in the middle of the median facing in the direction we just come. We get back on the road and continue to SD. The rain continued and continued and continued. PF and I decided that conditions were just not right and that we would head back to Wyoming. I wanted to go to bed. Kids were hungry again. (I think that is the main theme to the story here.) We get dinner and go back to the hotel.

In the morning it was time to head to Cody, Wyoming. But that adventure will have to be another post. I need to get something done today.

Ponderings

I started this blog for 2 reasons. 1)I had just lost my best friend and I wanted to write my memories of him down. 2)My then 3 year old daughter was a challenge and a joy. I needed a place to write down my feelings.

Now my daughter, 8 years old, is a challenge. Joy? Not so much. In fact I'm close to disliking her. She speaks to me in the most disrespectful ways. I don't even have to raise my voice. Her answer is, "STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!!!!! YOU DON'T LOVE ME." Makes me want to scream in her face to show her what a shout or a scream is.

This morning I told her twice to get dressed. Third time I yelled. Fourth time I yelled. Her response was, "Don't yell at me." I told her that I asked her nicely 3 times. She replied, "No the third time you yelled at me."

What's up with that? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

While driving her to school she said that I wasn't excited to have had her. I told her that I was the only one that was excited about her birth. I told her that everyone around me was offering me sympathy and condolences at my pregnancy. But I was happy and excited. And I was. I remember being so happy that I was pregnant again. PF wasn't happy. In fact he was trying to give himself a heart attack. It was one time that I seriously considered filing for divorce because he was soooooooo ugly during the pregnancy. I remember one time I screamed at him, "WHAT?!!!!!!!!?????? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET AN ABORTION?" If he had said yes I think we would no longer be because I loved her so much! I would have gone out there on my own. It would have been hard but I would have done it.

Now, I have this child that seems to think she can get away with anything just by shouting at me that I'm screaming at her and that I don't love her. Her tone of voice is frequently soo ugly sounding. She is soooooooooo negative.

There are days where I wonder where that cute, delightful child is. She didn't always talk so harshly all the time. She had a wonderful way about her. Between the ages of 1-4 she never seemed to care what others thought. She did her own thing. She was her own person. Yes. That caused some tension from time to time but really it wasn't bad. Starting in Kindergarten she suddenly began to care what people were saying about her. She wanted to play with other kids. We no longer have our little Tom boy who plays with boy toys; or wears Spiderman socks and underwear or shoes; or dresses up in fancy play dresses to catch bugs. Nope. She's gone. In her place is a horrible monster. A growling; mean ogre. A girl that will change her likes based on the group of kids she wants to play with at the time. A once avid Beiber fan now dislikes him horribly. So much so she's willing to be ugly to those that do like him. I can't seem to get through to her. I am at a loss.

I no longer want to interact with her. I will because I do love her but I'm finding it hard to see any good in her. Oh... there are times when she can be charming and she's doing well in school but the home life is not good. She won't help with the meager chores I ask of her. Alas, I'm sorry to say this but this girl is my mother-in-law through and through. What's even sadder is these behaviors come from my side of the family too. I have 2 aunts that are very similar. My coping mechanism is avoidance. I avoid my aunts and a I avoided my mil when I had to be in her physical company. (We did great over the phone.)

This morning on my drive to work I told myself that MI will be the one there for me when I get too old to care for myself. That she will turn out to be the best of the bunch. My prayer for her is that she will change into a delightful person again.

A Challenge

So by now I suppose most of my siblings know that I'm in Tae Kwon Do classes. My mom found out yesterday evening. I'm sure my mom had a lot to say about this. I know because my mom is pretty forthcoming with her opinions.

Guess what! She doesn't think I'll make it to black belt! It's kinda of funny. She knows the best way to get me to do something is to say I can't do it. It's a challenge. Now I wonder if my mom is basically using reverse psychology on me. But you know it doesn't matter. I'm going to make it to black belt. I already have a pretty good axe kick. The only thing I need to work on is my extension.

What I'm finding out is that my ballet training is inhibiting some of my movement. My main problem is the tenets of ballet is to keep your supporting leg totally straight; whereas, in TKD a bent knee is EXPECTED on the supporting leg. Bent knees are the total premise of this martial arts.

Last night I learned that you are expected to "stay" low. Once you are in fighter's position STAY there. Grant it makes sense. But muscle memory is hard to "erase" after years-- no decades of training.

Another draw back for me is my knees. They aren't so good anymore and I have to wear braces to keep them in proper position. My petella often roams around. Despite this I've been doing well. Only a little aches here and there.

Here's a funny for ya. One of the masters is a twentysomething young man. HE is GORGEOUS! Eye Candy. I swear! Now don't think I have crush on him I don't but he does make the class more appealing. I think he has an ego to go with his looks, too.

As I departed from my mother she told me that I would have done better in Zumba. I like Zumba but it's hard to get to class and since I don't have to pay for it I often skip it. I pay for this so I go. I mean I'm not going to lose that money. Plus I sweat ever so much more in TKD than I did in Zumba. Yep, Mom, all you did was make me more determined to make black belt. I'm only on white but I'm closer to yellow than I was when I first started. I think I might even get some private lessons. I need to catch up after all. Oh are you wondering why I joined the Black Belt club? Well I was trying to keep MI interested in TKD. She wants to quit. I'm not letting her quit because she needs to understand comittment. Tough you say. Damn betcha. She needs some toughness in her life. She needs to achieve something.

Summer plans

So, here's the back story to this posting, my husband and I grew up in families that were in no position to take the proverbial family vacation. My husband's family were farmers and there simply no way to go very far for a vacation. My family's vacation was to get in the car and drive practically non-stop to my parents' birthplace to visit their families. On the surface that sounds fine and you know it was but it sure would have been nice to stop and see some of the sights along the way. We never did because my parents wanted to have as much time with their families as possible. I understand that and appreciate it, too.

I'm excited about this year's summer vacation because we are going to do something we never got to do as kids. We are going to go Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. We get to see some of the majestic West! Never thought I would. I want to see the Morning Glory pond at Yellowstone and of course Ol' Faithful but there are still so many things I want to see.

The best part of this trip is we get to stay in a yurt! This way we get a kind of camping experience but it still seems civilized enough for our dear DQ. She wanted to stay in a motel. This is about the same cost and I don't have to figure out how to stick all the camping gear into the mini-van and I don't have to buy a tent. These yurts do not have TVs! I'm so happy. I want the kids to run and be free (with supervision) like it was when I was a kid.

The link between Temperance and Women's rights

There was a time when I looked/viewed at Temperance Movement as silly and stupid; however, today I had an epiphany. I finally understand the movement. These ladies suffered under the hands of men. Most of the men were their husbands or fathers. Gosh! Now that I figured it I'm so ashamed of myself. Why? Because I was looking at them and judging them on my days standards and situation.

Guess what folks?! the Temperance Movement was a necessary action for Women's Rights. Those ladies back then realized that much of the male abuse they received were while those men were drunk. Their men worked hard. They played hard. They got drunk. They got violent and depressed when they got drunk. They hit women and children in drunken rages.

So now I can see why they felt that outlawing alcohol was a good idea. To them they thought alcohol was the root of the problem. An easy solution.

As we know it isn't an easy solution. Alcoholism is a disease. It's a horrible disease. Ok. I'm not going to beat a dead horse here but I'm amazed I never thought of this before.