Tears

Well folks-- I'm totally absorbed in myself and this pregnancy. So here's the latest development-- I just spent 5 minutes crying over this video. Something that had no intention to bring tears to ones eyes had tears streaming from mine. Now I know I'm pregnant. I'm so screwed up. I don't remember being quite this emotional with my other pregnancies. The weirdest things set me off. I'm glad I'm in my own office because I can weep silently without my co-workers knowing.

In fact the only thing they've noticed is I'm quieter. So maybe that's a blessing for them. I don't know. You'll have to ask them.

Last night I worked in the evening. I had a class to teach, too. This was one of the best classes I've ever had! I made a mistake in a search and one of the students figured out what I had done wrong! WooHoo! It's so nice to know that they're getting it. This is like my second night class I taught, and I think I would rather teaching an evening class anytime over a day class. One professor said that the evening classes are really better because these are the folks who are working during the day, and they're coming to us because they WANT to be there. They aren't marking time; they are engaged in their education. Essentially they are more motivated. It's fantastic.

So I wonder what else will send tears coursing down my cheeks today? We'll see.

Sick and tired

I was doing so well in the morning sickness business. But last night in the wee hours of the morning I lost my track record. ST came to our room because she had a nightmare. I took her back to her room and was about to lie down with her there when I told her I had to go. I raced back to my room. I was sick but you know what even so I felt better.

Since the late afternoon yesterday I hadn't been feeling so well. PF and I had dinner at an Indian restaurant. The food was good. But I started to feel really bad. I decided that I must have over eaten. I got to bed early.

Now I'm tired, and my tummy still feels queasy. I hope this isn't how it's going to be. I don't know if I can work 30 hours a week feeling queasy. Oh well maybe I'll just take off early today.

For 2

Well if you're interested I have something to share that isn't exactly something that ought to be shared. So you've been forewarn-- if you're squeemish do not read further.

You know how people talk about pregnant women eating for 2? Well I think there is more to it than just that. I'm pretty sure I'm pooping for 2. I've had more bowel movements in the last month or so than I've had most of my life; or, at least, it just seems that way. I don't ever remember this situation with the other 2. I also have to be careful eating leafy greens. That is a true formula for up all night! It sucks too because I like leafy greens.

At this point in time I don't have much more to share, and I know I've shared more than I should but I've been amazed with this development. For those interested I meet with the nurse on Wednesday. I should be able to hear the baby's heart beat. I'm looking forward to that.

THE NEWS

Last Saturday I ran a test on myself. I wasn't sure what I would discover but I knew it was time. Time to have information. Time to have knowledge. It was time.

When I got the results (and I have to confess that the result was rather quick) I was devastated. I felt so sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Then after awhile I started to feel a little excited. Anticipation set in; as did wonder. But still anytime I thought about telling PF I would get so scared. I didn't want to have to deal with his reaction. Last time he didn't handle it very well. In fact it was a time of strife in our marriage. I really thought that he would divorce me.

By know I hope you realize that I am pregnant. In fact tomorrow will be 10 weeks! I didn't want to tell anyone because it was still so early. But around Wednesday this week I couldn't hold it in any longer. I don't plan on telling the children until I'm into my 2nd trimester. DQ is going to be devastated. ST will be ecstatic, and I have no clue how MI will take the news. MI's been asking for a baby brother her age for awhile now. Of course that's not going to happen but I don't know if she'll understand that.

I did tell PF. He's taken it so much better than last time. I mean he isn't moping around, or trying to give himself a heart attack. He is calm and gratious. I told him Saturday night while we watched the Olympics. It just flew out of my mouth. No setting the stage. No romantic talk. I didn't even look at him. Really I don't remember what he said. I think it had something to do with having a lot of things to get done. If there is anything really upsetting him it's the fact that I had those medical procedures done last month. His worried about how that would affect the baby.

Well folks life's a crap shoot. You don't know what you're going to get. But whatever is is. I'm not going to spend my time worrying about what's been done for it cannot be undone. I'm living in the moment. This is God's child and I am nothing but a vessel and an instrument for His work. I love babies. Always have. I'm not too keen on 3 year olds but you know that falls under the future and I'm not going there. My reality is now. This day and what I do today is all I can control and even then not everything is in my control.

I am now very excited about this pregnancy. I am looking forward to meeting this child. My belly is already big. The round ligaments are feeling some strain. I haven't been sick. I have been hungry. Very, very hungry. I eat almost 2 to 3 hours. I also can't eat a whole lot in one sitting or I get sick to my stomache. I'm craving proteins. Cheese, meat, peanut butter (which I don't cave into to protect the baby from too early a nut introduction), and Coke a Cola (which I don't cave into because I don't believe that it would be very good for the baby.) I've stopped taking 2 meds. The other thing about this pregnancy is that I am dizzy. This is different than my other two pregnancies; so when people ask about what I want I just tell them that the pregnancy were not similiar to the other two.

To make this pregnancy even more interesting, my niece is pregnant, too with her second child. I'm a month further than her. So we will have a race to see who will give birth first. I've already got my doula set up. Okay she's not a trained professional but she's always been my doula. It's my sister, I Don't Get Mad/I Get Even. I know she will be there for me, and she won't let the health care professionals try to bully me. I am so grateful to God for a sister like her. She's always, always been there for me. God bless her.

So keep me in your prayers if you pray; if not then keep me in your thoughts. I'm forty years old and pregnant.

Summer vacation

We are back from a rather long family Summer vacation. We headed towards Michigan to visit PF's baby sister. Along the way we stopped to visit with PF's friends that could be found along the way.

First I have to say that this vacation went extremely well. The kids were really well behaved. I also think they had a fun time. What I'm trying to say is that it didn't seem all that stressful as previous vacations we've taken but perhaps that is because the kids are older.

Some highlights to the trip--

We took a ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegeon. The girls had a blast on the trip. DQ didn't want to go originally because, "I get sea sick." She did not get sea sick.

Some activities we participated while in Michigan were a long drive (45 min.)North to Rainbow Ranch for an hour horseback ride. We then went North again and found this little town that survives only on tourism. We did our part in maintaining that economy by going miniature golfing, go-kart driving; bumper boat riding.

I have to say that there was an added bonus to the visit with PF's sister, too. She has a cat who is rather tender hearted. Our girls love cats so they have a hard-time accepting that the cat needs to be left alone. So this time a volunteer cat visited the house of Shutter Bug. (Hope you like the new name. PF's sister is connected to her camera. Odd, now that I think about it PF is rather connected to his cameras, too. Must be a family trait.)

The girls got to name the volunteer kitty. It was an adorable black and white kitty-- black on top-- white underbelly with white paws. Her final name was Cuddles.

We ended the trip by going a different way home and visiting with a college friend of PF's. He lives in St. Louis, Missouri. We went to the St. Louis Zoo. It is free but you have to pay $10 for parking. If you want to go to the children's zoo or do any other fun activities you have to pay extra for them. Once a long time ago while we were visiting St. Louis the zoo advertised a new feature in the children's zoo-- a slide through the river otter exhibit. So we bought the pass that got us a ride on the train, 3-d movies, motion simulator; and the children's zoo. The kids loved the children's zoo but the weather was so stifling hot that the rest of the adventure was not so much fun. In the evening we had dinner with the college buddy.

The next day we spent swimming in the hotel pool and making plans for the rest of the day. We went to the Mermac Caverns. MI wasn't so independent in these caves. Her little hand stayed in mine the whole time, and I frequently had to coax her to continue with the tour.

Like I said this was a long trip, and we did a lot of things. I really am impressed with our darling girls. Life is good.