Setting out on a new adventure

Okay, I've been harassed enough to update this blog. My dear friend the Adjective Queen apparently looks at this site often. After seeing nothing change she nags for something new.

Unlike the Adjective Queen, I never found writing as the source to release my creativity. No, my creativity finds release in physical movement. I dance when I need to express myself. I do not come from a very physical family. In fact my mother absolutely hates to excercise. On the other hand I really do like to move my body. Stretching, lengthening my muscles just feels good. I even like watching my body move. I like creating lines that are asthetically pleasing.

Movement is the essential part of my being. Earlier in life all I wanted to do was to travel. Go to places that are not the most popular tourist spots. Like, I prefer Northern California to the more frequented Southern California. I mean Eureka and Trinidad are absolutely beautiful. I love the cliffs and the rocky shores. For our honeymoon we went to Greece; later we followed that up with a trip to Lithuania. Think about it, most folks when they go to Europe hit France, Great Britain, Italy and Spain. Greece is more on the beaten path but still fewer Americans go there than the main core European countries.

Now, I find myself longing for anything that takes me away from my family. I'm tired of Passionfruit getting all the time away. I want some of that freedom. Luckily the new job offers an opportunity for away time.

The first time I went, I have to admit I felt rather lost without my identity of mother. No one needed their nose wiped. No sibling squabbles that required my attention. But after a glass of wine and watching another lonely woman make an ass out of herself I finally found my groove. I realized that I didn't need anyone to make me feel anything or do anything. So up to the hotel room. I got ready for bed. I turned on the television. This in itself amazed me because I don't watch television since having the kids. So I delighted in the stolen moment to actually watch programs that other adults are watching and talking about.

After about 30 minutes of this TV watching I realized that I was not missing a thing. Reality programming strikes me as being terribly un- real. So I laid in bed with the TV on not paying any attention to it. Actually I eventually went to sleep with the eerie blue light emminating from the television. Somehow this replicated Passionfruit's various lighted gadgets in our bedroom at home.

Now I'm looking forward to another time away. This time I'm beginning to worry because Miss Independence seems to be heading towards the sick bed. Her nose is runny. Her little eyes look glassy, and her emotions are running high. But no fever or any other symptoms to cause alarm I just come from an alarmed family in general. Aunty I don't get mad I get even volunteered to take her while I'm away. Hope said aunty can deal with illness. I've called the Toddler whisperer to alert her to possible switch over during that week.

This time the trip is to somewhere more interesting than the last place. Looking forward to the mountain air. Passionfruit alerted his old college buddy/best friend that I'm coming to town. Now I'm obligated to spending sometime with his family.

A thought on Miss Independence

With the passing of my dear friend, Digger Dude, I am often struck now by how malignant the modern world is to our relationships. I get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the world.

Everyday since Alan's passing I try to not rush. Unfortunately I don't always make it. I've been taking my daughter, Miss Independence, to her preschool and picking her up. Because of her stubborness I have recently grounded her from her fun activities. No more ballet classes. No more gymnastics. With this edict, we've been given time to "smell" the proverbial flowers. I allow her to range all over the grounds of the campus. I work at the local community college.

Miss Independence's favorite place is the drainage ditch that I jump every morning to go to work. Right now there is just the slightest amount of water in it, not even an inch. Miss Independence talks about the "ducks" that live in the ditch. They are not ducks but they are geese. The geese do not live in the ditch. The ditch drains into a pond where the geese live.

I wonder at Miss Independence and her tendence to call all avarian creatures ducks. Does she just like the word? I really don't think she can't tell the difference between birds and ducks. Miss Independence seems so very intelligent. Miss Independence loves thinking. Her little forehead is frequently furled in effort to think about things. Screw drivers are her favorite toy. Once she gets enough force behind her... I guess I'll have to approach everything very carefully.

What a tangent I got off on with Miss Independence. Unfortunately, Miss Independence, who is three years old, has gotten the best of me. Sometimes she totally cows me.

Why do I allow this little being frazzle me to no end?

Life passing

Last night I found out that I lost an individual who meant alot to me. When Passionfruit told me that one of my dearest, longest friends had died I was completely shocked. I had just done a Google search on him not more than two months ago. I never even gleaned from that information that he had moved so very far away.

Now I live with regret and sorrow. Of things I should have said and things I should have apologized for to him. The last time I saw him I was not the most pleasant individual to be around. I was in a situation where I was uncomfortable and felt threatened. Unfortunately I fear I may have offended and hurt him.

Alan Joseph Wormser was one of my best friends in all the world. I knew him ever since the early 80s. I was a young teenager. I remember I had such a crush on him! He probably knew it but was kind enough to ignore the silly puppy love of a teen.

As the years progresssed that puppy love turned into a profound friendship. Though we didn't see each other frequently over the years when we did get together it was like we had never been apart. One of the highest complements I've ever received in my life was from Alan. Alan told me about ten years ago that I was someone he never wanted to loose contact with.

Unfortunately in the end we did lose contact with one another. I can't help but keep going back to 1999 and wondering whether through my self-centeredness and self-absorbtion I destroyed one of the most important relationships I ever had in my life.

I can only hope that Alan didn't hold my behavior against me.