Big

I'm in the final monthes of pregnancy. My belly button slowly becomes a protuberance. In the evenings I can feel myself growing and I can feel my navel unravel. I am larger than any of my prior pregnancies. I can actually touch you (with my belly) without getting in your space.

I waddle like a duck when I walk, especially when I'm just getting up and getting started in walking. My inner thighs at these moments feel like I've been riding a horse for the first time for many, many miles.

When I was pregnant before I remember meeting up with women who wanted it to be all over and done with, NOW. I never understood them. But now I'm one of those women. I'm hoping the baby will come early. I'm hoping the baby is actually just small and the doctor's got the wrong date.

Actually I have 2 fears associated with going into labor early. That is I figure it will happen (if it's going to happen) on either March 12 (MI has an appointment with a doctor that lasts all day long) or March 29 (My sister, "I don't get mad; I get even" is unavailable to help that day.) So those are my worries and my reasons for those worries.

Of course I have plenty of other worries but I won't bore you all with those. Tomorrow will be 29 weeks, which means I only have 11 weeks left. The numbers for what's left are finally getting smaller. Every night I walk into my room and look at the corner I've chosen to put the crib in and think I better clear that space out. I don't. The bed is always more inviting. Sleep is such a strange state for me these days. I spend a lot of time being tired. I can easily fall asleep when I go to bed but then 4AM strikes and I'm up. I had had this theory that perhaps if I stayed awake later then I could sleep without awaking. I've tried this over the past couple of nights and it's not working. In fact I've been getting up earlier. 2AM strikes. I remember the insommnia with MI's pregnancy but it wasn't accompanied with the anxiety. So to night I'm going to bed early. One day I'll get to the corner and clear it out. I keep telling myself I'll get to the things I need to do.

A short something...

I am at work after a very, very long holiday break. Okay. Maybe it wasn't all that long than other years it just felt that way.

I am grateful to have a job to go today. I know many do not. My two younger children have driven me crazy the last couple of days. But I'm not going to dwell on the negative.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, happy New Year.