Life passing

Last night I found out that I lost an individual who meant alot to me. When Passionfruit told me that one of my dearest, longest friends had died I was completely shocked. I had just done a Google search on him not more than two months ago. I never even gleaned from that information that he had moved so very far away.

Now I live with regret and sorrow. Of things I should have said and things I should have apologized for to him. The last time I saw him I was not the most pleasant individual to be around. I was in a situation where I was uncomfortable and felt threatened. Unfortunately I fear I may have offended and hurt him.

Alan Joseph Wormser was one of my best friends in all the world. I knew him ever since the early 80s. I was a young teenager. I remember I had such a crush on him! He probably knew it but was kind enough to ignore the silly puppy love of a teen.

As the years progresssed that puppy love turned into a profound friendship. Though we didn't see each other frequently over the years when we did get together it was like we had never been apart. One of the highest complements I've ever received in my life was from Alan. Alan told me about ten years ago that I was someone he never wanted to loose contact with.

Unfortunately in the end we did lose contact with one another. I can't help but keep going back to 1999 and wondering whether through my self-centeredness and self-absorbtion I destroyed one of the most important relationships I ever had in my life.

I can only hope that Alan didn't hold my behavior against me.