Rant

I had an idea for something to post here but that is gone completely from my mind. Now I just want to rant about people with "New Age-y" ideals. I have some friends that are into all this touchy feel; feel good shit. What amazes me is that they have no qualms about telling you how mean-spirited you are; what you are allowed to say to and around them but yet they are the ones that are open-hearted and serene. Really? Because what I just describes sounds very controlling and kinda ranks on the rude side. Why can't I say things like I like pigs? I think their cute but I don't mind eating them. I'm being honest but somehow I'm mean. And another thing, no matter what my husband's family thinks I am a part of it. Whether they like it or not. They don't really include me in on the family business or flat out tell me that they are discussing something with him and I intruded on the conversation. Well I only did so because you were pondering how he got that way... Guess what folks I sullied the man. I did it. I'm proud of that. Guess I am mean spirited. I know I am when I'm mad. And yes I'm mad. You simper there with all those freaking "I'm so much better than you. I'm serene you aren't. I'm in touch with my feelings you aren't. You are HURTING." Well la-dee-da. So what if I'm hurting. Does that make me less of a person? I don't think so. I think it makes me real. Not only that but I would even suggest that I am the one in touch with my feelings. Give me a real person over some yoga, New Age person any day. I really love it when someone tells me what I'm feeling. REALLY????? Because as far as I know I'm alone in this body of mine. I am quite capable of telling you how I feel. Do you know what happens when someone tells me how I'm feeling? I get mad. REALLY, REALLY MAD. How dare you presume how I'm feeling? To me that is as bad as not listening to someone. Worse even. It is arrogant.

Long time no write. Life is a busy prospect. And with 4 kids; a dog; a husband and a part-time job it's just not so easy to write. In fact I'm here to write about something at work. Yep. No kid stories. No dog stories. I'll do that another time. (Maybe.) As some of you know, I'm a librarian. For the last 3 years I've been on our marketing committee. I've enjoyed working on it. We've done some great stuff. After 3 years I wanted off. I went to the meeting with every expectation of it being my last for awhile. During the meeting the Chair told everyone that she was stepping down. The Director said to everyone that the next chair ought to be the new circulation librarian or ME. I then threw out that I didn't want to be on the committee anymore. The Director actually pouted! The new circulation librarian squirmed in her seat not wanting the position. Then another librarian said he was leaving too. So now I was faced with a dwindling committee and a pouting boss. Can you guess what happened next? Yep. I'm now the chair of the marketing committee. So in the coming year I will chair a committee. I've never done this kind of work. So it will be a new experience for me. The circulation librarian is Chair-Elect. But I don't think she's going to hang around long. (Rumor has it she has a bit of wanderlust.) Now I'm telling myself that this will help with getting future jobs. Although, I'm hoping that my job will be my job for a long time. (I know they say you shouldn't be anywhere longer than 3 years but I like my work and it gives me enough challenges.) Yes, lately, I've been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I think I want to stay in the academic world. I like it. I didn't think I would but I do. Go figure. Although I do consider going back to the public library world in a relatively non librarian position. There is actually a marketing position opened in the big city library system right now. Last night PF talked about retiring and me getting a full-time position. I just looked at him and said, "I don't know if I can do that. I like working part-time." Most of my work life is part-time work. I only had about 5 years of full-time experience to my name. I really see my full-time job as being my children and husband. Life is about change. Change is difficult. I can change. I know I can.

2nd Installment of the Epic Road Trip

After our stay in Gillette which I incorrectly posted as Cody, Wyomning, we did indeed go on to Cody, Wyoming. That was our base for alot of our travels.

We went to Big Horn Canyon. This is a most awesome place. We spent one day driving around the top looking for critters. We saw the big horn sheep/goats (whatever); the wild mustangs; prairie dogs. We basked in the awesomeness of the canyon. Cliffs are very special to me. I love sheer drops. They move me. No. I don't want to jump. I just stand in awe of God and the powers of nature as they've cut these deep crevices into rocks. We think of rocks as these hard things but yet they are susceptible to wind and water. Water in my opinion is the true awesome material. We need it to live but it can destroy us so easily in so many ways.

The next day we took a boat right. We got to see the cliffs from the bottom up. Our skipper told us the Native American stories about the canyon. MI got to steer the boat. DQ and MI had playful antics. ST was in a mood so nothing was going well in her opinion.

Another day PF took us to a Medicine Wheel. We hiked a good mile or more to get there. The kids got to play in snow that hadn't melted from the winter. The vista was beautiful and inspiring. I liked the feel around the Medicine Wheel. It inspired mediatation.

PF wanted to see this museum that replicated the internment camps that the American Japanese endured. It wasn't opened to the public yet. I think he was really disappointed.

When we did finally leave Cody. We stopped in at the Buffalo Bill Dam Visitor Center. One of the most interesting fascets of this adventure was the toilets. They were not flushable. Another amazing thing was watching the water pound out of the dam down into the river. There was a rainbow down there.

Finally we drove on to Yellowstone National Park. We had to go through it and the Grand Tetons to get to the yurt where we would be staying for several days. All I can say is God is an amazing artist and I revel in His works. These parks are beautiful, breath-taking places. I want to go back some day. I would like to stay in the park itself.

We stopped at a restaurant in Yellowstone where we met up with a biker group. Their leader looked like Dogg, the Bounty Hunter! It was uncanny the similiarity. Embarassed DQ to know end when I told him that he looked like the bounty hunter. He offered to take a picture with DQ but she was too shy to do so. We did take pics with a big furry dude though. They had a big Teddy bear dressed like Theodore Roosevelt in the gift shop.

While we were there we got up close and personal with a bison who was chilling on the baseball field. We learned while driving around Yellowstone that wild life sightings create traffic jams because people stop to take pictures and to gawk. One day while we were there a bison just calmly sauntered down the road totally ignoring the spectacle he created. He handles celebrity much better than humans.

This next leg of the trip was rather scarry for me because we were driving through all these switch backs and mountains. Natives wanted to do 60 or more on these roads and I, who had lost her confidence earlier in the trip, limped a long slowly. I think I had a mantra of "I'm a low lander. I don't do mountains." I still think they were crazy for wanting to speed around those curves. It was worse going into and out of Jackson Hole. The grades were crazy and I told PF, "I don't want to ever go back that way." Guess what!??? We didn't.

We had to go into Idaho to get to the yurt. The sky was darkening. We had these directions to follow. Every turn we made had us driving on a more rustic road until we were actually just following a track made through the field into the forrest. The trail ended at the yurt. We were alone! It was so quiet. The kids being kids made so much noise; it was overwhelming. I was looking forward to seeing the night sky without light pollution.

I think I will end this entry here. The yurt experience deserves its own post.

My blouse

PF and I have discussions about how to wear one of my blouses. I bought this back in February. The first time I wore it I put the pretty lace inset in the back and PF came along and said, "That should go in the front." So I dutifully turned it around and wore it the way he wanted.

I went through that whole day feeling a bit odd. I could feel air going down my front. It just didn't feel right. I discussed it with my co-workers and we all decided that the next time I wore it it would be with the "tag" in the back. Which means the lace inset would be in the back.

This morning I put the blouse on and along comes PF and he says, "You have your blouse on backwards." I told him that I wore it the way he wanted last time so today I'm wearing it this way. It feels better. It's one of my favorite shirts because it has bat wings!

Stuff

The end of last year was just very upsetting. PF got sick and ended up in the hospital. Which I suppose is the reason for my thoughts on death that I've been having lately. There was one night where I pondered what death would feel like. I received some sort of notion because it was a really moving experience. Of course that's just my imagination but somehow it felt real. I had a moment of weightlessness; peace and dark. OK the dark doesn't seem to go with all the near death experiences that people talk about but the darkness wasn't scarry. This experience has really been bothering me. It lingers with me like a scent.

Perhaps this is too personal to post but I need to talk about it. I need to wipe it out.

Here's another thing that came up recently: While taking down the Christmas decorations DQ asked me if I would remarry if Daddy ever died. I didn't look at her. For those that might not know PF was in the hospital Christmas Eve night and all of Christmas day. The kids didn't know anything about his fainting and being taken to the hospital. They just woke up Christmas morning and there was their aunt and cousin sitting on the couch. So that was probably the source of the question. My answer to DQ was I didn't know. DQ then said that she hoped not because step-fathers can be really mean. I told her that my main job is to protect them. I don't think I would remarry if they were still in the house. I agreed with her that bringing in some foreign man would not be a good idea. But I also told her that any decisions I made I would discuss with them before making them. I told her that one never knows how one is going to react to any given situation. I also told her that hopefully we will never have to worry about that. I talked to her about my marriage. I told her that her father and I have too much invested in the relationship to just give up on it. I told her that there is more to it than just having kids. I told her that her father and I have over 17 years together and many, many memories. I told her that we value the relationship. Sure we get mad at each other but these are just little bumps along the way. I told her that what's going to make this relationship last was the fact both her parents are committed and vested in it. 17+ years is a lot of time to through away.

Epic Road Trip

PF recently saw my blog and told me that I failed to chronicle our summer vacation. This summer we went to several National Parks and Memorials. Our first stop was Scott's Bluff in Nebraska. We elected to drive to the top and do our hiking from there. We also saw Chimney Rock but didn't stop there. Just marveled at the wonder. After the a short amount of hiking the kids were hungry. We drove back into town and ate at a McDonald's. Met some interesting families there. This was the 1st time someone encouraged us to go see Mount Rushmore.

After lunch we headed on into Wyoming. Our next place to visit was going to be Devil's Tower National Park. On the way to our hotel PF noticed that we would be passing a coal mining venture. He wanted the kids to get a sense of where electricity comes from... Neither the kids or I were interested. Kinda felt bad. We got to the hotel in time for dinner and a quick swim. In the morning we headed on over to Devil's Tower. It affected me in a very spiritual way. We watched folks climbing it and it just didn't seem right. There was a sense of peace there. I could have stayed there and just sat. I wanted to revel in God's handiwork. I wanted the cool breeze to waft over my body. It just seemed right to be there. I wanted to sit and sit.

Unfortunately with kids you can't. They were hungry, thirsty and tired. So we drove to the closest "civilized" area--Tourist Trap. Paid an unGodly amount for lunch and they won't take a credit card! I highly recommend folks not to patronize the place across from the KOA but do all their business with KOA. Really I don't mind tourist traps. It's a business but one ought to be pleasant about robbing me. I smile would do wonders for me. PF told me that several people recommended going to Mount Rushmore and Jewel Cave. So we get into the car and start heading towards South Dakota. In the mean time we notice a thunderstorm that developed. We got caught in that storm and it remained rather stormy for most of the afternoon.

While driving to SD I was driving the posted speed limit but that was too high for the road conditions. We ended up hydroplaning. When all was said and done we were in the middle of the median facing in the direction we just come. We get back on the road and continue to SD. The rain continued and continued and continued. PF and I decided that conditions were just not right and that we would head back to Wyoming. I wanted to go to bed. Kids were hungry again. (I think that is the main theme to the story here.) We get dinner and go back to the hotel.

In the morning it was time to head to Cody, Wyoming. But that adventure will have to be another post. I need to get something done today.

Ponderings

I started this blog for 2 reasons. 1)I had just lost my best friend and I wanted to write my memories of him down. 2)My then 3 year old daughter was a challenge and a joy. I needed a place to write down my feelings.

Now my daughter, 8 years old, is a challenge. Joy? Not so much. In fact I'm close to disliking her. She speaks to me in the most disrespectful ways. I don't even have to raise my voice. Her answer is, "STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!!!!! YOU DON'T LOVE ME." Makes me want to scream in her face to show her what a shout or a scream is.

This morning I told her twice to get dressed. Third time I yelled. Fourth time I yelled. Her response was, "Don't yell at me." I told her that I asked her nicely 3 times. She replied, "No the third time you yelled at me."

What's up with that? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

While driving her to school she said that I wasn't excited to have had her. I told her that I was the only one that was excited about her birth. I told her that everyone around me was offering me sympathy and condolences at my pregnancy. But I was happy and excited. And I was. I remember being so happy that I was pregnant again. PF wasn't happy. In fact he was trying to give himself a heart attack. It was one time that I seriously considered filing for divorce because he was soooooooo ugly during the pregnancy. I remember one time I screamed at him, "WHAT?!!!!!!!!?????? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET AN ABORTION?" If he had said yes I think we would no longer be because I loved her so much! I would have gone out there on my own. It would have been hard but I would have done it.

Now, I have this child that seems to think she can get away with anything just by shouting at me that I'm screaming at her and that I don't love her. Her tone of voice is frequently soo ugly sounding. She is soooooooooo negative.

There are days where I wonder where that cute, delightful child is. She didn't always talk so harshly all the time. She had a wonderful way about her. Between the ages of 1-4 she never seemed to care what others thought. She did her own thing. She was her own person. Yes. That caused some tension from time to time but really it wasn't bad. Starting in Kindergarten she suddenly began to care what people were saying about her. She wanted to play with other kids. We no longer have our little Tom boy who plays with boy toys; or wears Spiderman socks and underwear or shoes; or dresses up in fancy play dresses to catch bugs. Nope. She's gone. In her place is a horrible monster. A growling; mean ogre. A girl that will change her likes based on the group of kids she wants to play with at the time. A once avid Beiber fan now dislikes him horribly. So much so she's willing to be ugly to those that do like him. I can't seem to get through to her. I am at a loss.

I no longer want to interact with her. I will because I do love her but I'm finding it hard to see any good in her. Oh... there are times when she can be charming and she's doing well in school but the home life is not good. She won't help with the meager chores I ask of her. Alas, I'm sorry to say this but this girl is my mother-in-law through and through. What's even sadder is these behaviors come from my side of the family too. I have 2 aunts that are very similar. My coping mechanism is avoidance. I avoid my aunts and a I avoided my mil when I had to be in her physical company. (We did great over the phone.)

This morning on my drive to work I told myself that MI will be the one there for me when I get too old to care for myself. That she will turn out to be the best of the bunch. My prayer for her is that she will change into a delightful person again.

A Challenge

So by now I suppose most of my siblings know that I'm in Tae Kwon Do classes. My mom found out yesterday evening. I'm sure my mom had a lot to say about this. I know because my mom is pretty forthcoming with her opinions.

Guess what! She doesn't think I'll make it to black belt! It's kinda of funny. She knows the best way to get me to do something is to say I can't do it. It's a challenge. Now I wonder if my mom is basically using reverse psychology on me. But you know it doesn't matter. I'm going to make it to black belt. I already have a pretty good axe kick. The only thing I need to work on is my extension.

What I'm finding out is that my ballet training is inhibiting some of my movement. My main problem is the tenets of ballet is to keep your supporting leg totally straight; whereas, in TKD a bent knee is EXPECTED on the supporting leg. Bent knees are the total premise of this martial arts.

Last night I learned that you are expected to "stay" low. Once you are in fighter's position STAY there. Grant it makes sense. But muscle memory is hard to "erase" after years-- no decades of training.

Another draw back for me is my knees. They aren't so good anymore and I have to wear braces to keep them in proper position. My petella often roams around. Despite this I've been doing well. Only a little aches here and there.

Here's a funny for ya. One of the masters is a twentysomething young man. HE is GORGEOUS! Eye Candy. I swear! Now don't think I have crush on him I don't but he does make the class more appealing. I think he has an ego to go with his looks, too.

As I departed from my mother she told me that I would have done better in Zumba. I like Zumba but it's hard to get to class and since I don't have to pay for it I often skip it. I pay for this so I go. I mean I'm not going to lose that money. Plus I sweat ever so much more in TKD than I did in Zumba. Yep, Mom, all you did was make me more determined to make black belt. I'm only on white but I'm closer to yellow than I was when I first started. I think I might even get some private lessons. I need to catch up after all. Oh are you wondering why I joined the Black Belt club? Well I was trying to keep MI interested in TKD. She wants to quit. I'm not letting her quit because she needs to understand comittment. Tough you say. Damn betcha. She needs some toughness in her life. She needs to achieve something.

Summer plans

So, here's the back story to this posting, my husband and I grew up in families that were in no position to take the proverbial family vacation. My husband's family were farmers and there simply no way to go very far for a vacation. My family's vacation was to get in the car and drive practically non-stop to my parents' birthplace to visit their families. On the surface that sounds fine and you know it was but it sure would have been nice to stop and see some of the sights along the way. We never did because my parents wanted to have as much time with their families as possible. I understand that and appreciate it, too.

I'm excited about this year's summer vacation because we are going to do something we never got to do as kids. We are going to go Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. We get to see some of the majestic West! Never thought I would. I want to see the Morning Glory pond at Yellowstone and of course Ol' Faithful but there are still so many things I want to see.

The best part of this trip is we get to stay in a yurt! This way we get a kind of camping experience but it still seems civilized enough for our dear DQ. She wanted to stay in a motel. This is about the same cost and I don't have to figure out how to stick all the camping gear into the mini-van and I don't have to buy a tent. These yurts do not have TVs! I'm so happy. I want the kids to run and be free (with supervision) like it was when I was a kid.

The link between Temperance and Women's rights

There was a time when I looked/viewed at Temperance Movement as silly and stupid; however, today I had an epiphany. I finally understand the movement. These ladies suffered under the hands of men. Most of the men were their husbands or fathers. Gosh! Now that I figured it I'm so ashamed of myself. Why? Because I was looking at them and judging them on my days standards and situation.

Guess what folks?! the Temperance Movement was a necessary action for Women's Rights. Those ladies back then realized that much of the male abuse they received were while those men were drunk. Their men worked hard. They played hard. They got drunk. They got violent and depressed when they got drunk. They hit women and children in drunken rages.

So now I can see why they felt that outlawing alcohol was a good idea. To them they thought alcohol was the root of the problem. An easy solution.

As we know it isn't an easy solution. Alcoholism is a disease. It's a horrible disease. Ok. I'm not going to beat a dead horse here but I'm amazed I never thought of this before.

DQ Blizzard.

DQ. DQ is going through some changes. She is so emotional these days. It's really quite funny and pathetic all at the same time.

I feel for her because my mother and my sister, I don't get mad/I get even, really aren't sympathetic. I think they think I baby her too much but really I remember feeling similar things when I was her age. I feel her pain. She so wants to be grown up but she knows that she won't be anytime soon.

It's funny to watch her get upset. Things upset her and she doesn't understand why. I remember that too. Gosh those darn hormones are such pesty things.

DQ, is so tiny still. She can fit into size 4t clothing and the only thing wrong with them is the length. She needs size 10 clothing but even the slim pants are too wide for her waist.

So some of her favorite sayings are, "I hate this family"; "I hate my sisters" ; "I hate you" ; "I hate daddy". Pretty typical stuff for her age but I know this is all just the beginning.

I just hope she knows that I love her. I love her and I'll be waiting for her at the end of this tunnel with open arms.

Labor Day

This was started on March 31st. I'm going to finish it tonight and share with you all.

A year ago today I labored to give birth to my 4th child. And I mean labored. In my other deliveries I never sweated or at least it never poured off me like I had run a marathon. I remember how the sweat just kept coming. My labor was induced. The waves of contractions never let up. There was no rest. I did the most during this labor. I sat in a rocking chair. I bounced on the labor ball. I did the labor dance with PF. I don't have fond memories of the birth like the others. This one really was difficult. I shouldn't complain because so many other women have harder times than I have had. But compared to the other 2 births this one was harder for me.

When it came time to actually push I had to wait for my doctor to make it across 2 parking lots to attend. They had me panting. I panted for so long that my whole body started to tingle. I never felt anything like it before. I kept thinking to myself that "I didn't need any stinking doctor. I had given birth before without one I could do this again." But they all kept forcing me to pant. When my doc finally made it into the room I was so ready to push. She wanted me to move further down the bed. I just didn't want to. I wanted to push. Anyway she got tough with me and I finally did as they asked and moved my butt down the bed. I pushed and out she came. I remember my doc saying, "You're no longer pregnant." Then came the other stuff that's really not all that fun and most don't want to hear about it but I have to say that her partner is much better (gentler) at cleaning up the afterbirth. It must have been gauze that she put up there but it felt more like a wire brush. And when she went to stitch the small tear that occurred she ran the cat gut back and forth before actually making the sutures. So I guess in away I wish I had her partner there after all. Doc O, delivered all the others and this was the first time that my doc made it to one the births.

I took a shower after the birth. I was so icky feeling. I forgot how messy labor and birth is. I surprised my nurse. She came into help me shower and she found me all done. My older children came by that evening to meet their youngest sibling. They were all so proud and excited.

Toilets + baby=Interesting times

Imp drives me to hate toilets. I have 3 older children who don't seem to be able to remember anything except whether I treated their siblings better than them.

Here is the problem: Imp can raise the toilet seat. Imp loves to play in the water of the commode. Yep, splashing is the best. Of course then things progress to putting things into the toilet. One night I came into the bathroom and there in the toilet sat a frog. Ok. A toy frog. But still it took me a back for a moment or two.

Although, I have to admit this is much better than some of the other things I've found in the toilet. Use your imagination folks. It's gotten to be quite a chore at times cleaning up after Imp. I'm living in dread of when Imp discovers how to flush the toilet. Don't you know I'm going to have some really fantastic plumbing bills in the near future.

Oh I can hear you now... "Buy one of those child safety products that lock the lid." Need I remind you I have other children in the house? They tend to leave the chore of pottying to the last second. I still hear some of my kids saying to their waste on the way to the toilet, "Hold on pee pee. Hold on." I don't think a lock on the toilet is the answer. For right now closing the door is adequate.

When Imp progresses to opening doors then we'll put those door handle covers on them. Hopefully by the time Imp can disable those covers she will not be playing in the toilet.

All I can say is Imp is horribly attracted to toilets. I'm hoping that this is a good omen that potty training shall be easier than it was with the others. I can only hope, right?

Imp

It's been a while since I've blogged about anything about the kids. So I'm at home with my eyes running and my nose running down my face. Imp is home with me because there really isn't any point to her going to childcare. So here is the story of Imp.

Imp is a delightful baby. She is now 10 months old. Things she enjoys...

First, magnets. She loves to pull the magnets off the refrigerator and take them around to different surfaces to see if they will stick to them. Unfortunately she hasn't found anything yet. I'm waiting to see how long it takes her to find the metal back door but right now she is content to continue to try the wood cabinets in the kitchen.

The kitchen holds a great many things that fascinate her. Open the refrigerator door and she goes into hypercrawl. It's amazing how fast she can crawl to make it into the refrigerator. Another part of the kitchen is the pantry. When the doors are open she crawls over and starts taking things out of the pantry. My spices have hit the floor so many times now. I had mustard seeds rolling around the floor for days. Do you think I'm done? No. Imp loves the dishwasher. It's a great teething toy. Recently Imp had a run in the bottom basket. She pulled too hard on it and it came flying out and knocked her over. Poor thing hit her head and she cried and cried. When she was all calmed down I went back to stuffing the dishwasher and she, with great deterimination, plucked the flatware out and threw them on the floor. As you can see I get a lot of work done around the house. Not.

Next, comes her sister's easel. This easel has a whiteboard and a chalkboard on either side. Imp loves the chalk. Everyday we must return all the pieces to their home in the little compartment shelf of the easel. I'm starting to think about moving the easel down to her sisters' hall way. Imp also enjoys chewing the chalk.

Which leads me to the next characteristic of Imp. She is completely oral. PF and I don't remember the others being quite so orally fixated. EVERYTHING. Goes in her mouth. Cords are her most favorite thing to chew. It's like having a puppy in the house. Yes folks I know it's important to child proof the house but really it's really hard to do it with 3 other children in the house. Also this child finds things... The childcare center is baby proof yet she finds paper and small twigs and sticks to stick in her mouth. We spend our day constantly sweeping her mouth with our fingers to get the stuff out. Sometimes she tricks us because it's only her tongue she's chewing on occassionally. Other times she stores things in her mouth. She's like a chipmunk.

This is a really adorable little one. She has a way about her that takes your heart and squeezes it. Her smile melts your heart. Such a wonderful happy baby.

Friends / Enemies

"Never explain — your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you anyway." Source unknown.

How my dad tried to get this through my head.

Opinions.

You have the right to your opinions; as long as you keep them to yourself. Says a friend...

Ignorant vs. stupid

According to the Webster dictionsary ignorant is uninformed or without education. Stupid... showing a lack of sense or intelligence.

I write this because I've been trying to explain to my children that when I corrected something they say it is not to be critical... at least not in a negative way but to help them sound like the intelligent young ladies that they are.

Buffet; ballet-- neither of these words are suppose to be said with the t sound at the end. DQ often insists on saying buf fet. GRRRRRRRRRR. "Buffe with the short e sound DQ", says mommy. DQ responds with a bunch of eye rolling and sighing.

Recently I explained to her that when she speaks and mispronounces things she sounds ignorant. It's okay to sound ignorant at times because there is something you can do about ignorance. Ignorance has a cure. It is education. It is enlightenment. Ignorance does not have to be terminal.

On the other hand, there is stupid. Stupid is terminal. Stupid. There is nothing one can do about being stupid. And forgive me folks there are stupid people in this world. Bless their hearts, all they can do is their very best and that's it. They are lucky if they can find something in this world that they can do well. Sometimes they can and you know what most times they're happy.

I work at a community college where we believe in student success. I do believe in student success. But there are times when I help someone, and I seriously have issues with the college, and their belief that every student that walks through our doors will leave with an associates degree. What I mean is I help people who just don't get the education process. They are trying really hard. I mean it. They are working their butts off. But they just can't process all the information that they are expected to learn and know. I see them struggling. And I always try really hard to help them but sometimes I really, really get the feeling that they just don't get it. My heart breaks for them because I know they are really trying. But I also know they will never become Einsteins or even above average. I hate to say that but it's true.

On a personal note, I know my girls are smart. Not one of them are stupid. So I'm going to continue to correct their pronunciation of words and their grammar. I'm going to insist they look things up in the dictionary or the encyclopedia. I am determined that my children will not be ignorant of general knowledge stuff. Of course they will have those subjects that they are ignorant of as we all have subjects we are ignorant of due to disinterest or not being exposed to those ideas and concepts. But ignorance is not terminal folks... Given a reason to explore and learn my girls can do it. I just want them to know they can do it.

I'm in love

I'm in love! It's the greatest thing! The flutters one feels with the first flush of love. How you anxiously await to see your beloved's face and their beautiful smile. Yes, I feel all these things and more!

I live to hear the laugh and to see the smile. I feel complete when my beloved blesses me with a smile. That toothless grin the precious giggles. Oh how I love all of that.

Yes, I'm speaking of the New Baby. I have also found a name for the new baby. From this day forward new baby will be Imp. That's right Imp. Why Imp? Well I'll tell ya...

First, Imp has a look that comes over her face that can only be described as impish.

Second, I can tell when Imp is storing something away in the long term memory to be tried out when she gets more mobile. Adorable.

Mobile! Imp is crawling now. Yep c.r.a.w.l.i.n.g. Ok, it's only an army type crawl-- you know the drag the belly on the ground crawl but she's still able to get where she wants to go. She's the only one of my kids to do this.

Imp is also sitting by herself. She's been doing this for about 1 1/2 months. She can't get herself into it but if you place her down in a sitting position she can sit.

Imp loves to vocalize. She can be pretty darn loud. But why should she be any different from the others? I swear she's saying dada; and mama but PF refuses to believe it. I also think she is saying Hiiii. It's an adorable tone to it too. Kinda of a high pitch. Ohhhh. High pitch! Let me tell you about the scream Imp has. It is a high pitch, ear shattering scream. Luckily she does not share this with us very often.

I'm trying to think if there is anything else I ought to share with folks. At this time I can't think of anything. QueenB and Adjective Queen I really appreciate your comments from my last post. It so nice to know I'm not alone in the world of bedtime angst.

Time

This year I'm having the hardest time getting the older girls to bed by 8:30PM. I don't know what the problem is. Do I lack motiviation? Are they rebelling? Has the New Baby messed up the rhythm of the household so much?

I try to get them to bed. I really do. But then there are other nights where I just don't feel up to the fight. And yes bedtime is a fight.

Professionals all talk about having a bedtime ritual. They say do not deviate from it. But really do these people live in the same world as I do? I mean... what about the school event scheduled for 7PM. What do you do then? Tell the school, "I'm sorry but that is conflicting with the bedtime ritual I've created for my children." And yes to get them to bed for 8:30PM you must start the ritual by 7PM.

Frankly we lost what ever ritual we had. I don't know where it went to. All I know is that by 5PM I'm ready to shut the house down but the kids are not. In fact their schedules are so that we don't get home until after 5:30 most days.

Today I got lucky and got dinner in the crock pot. In fact today is our longest day. We won't get home until after 6:30PM. In fact Wednesday we won't get home until 8:30PM. I love Wednesday nights. I get to meet with some mothers that I absolutely adore. These are the neatest young women. We sit and talk and watch each other's children. Between the 3 of us we have 13 children. One of them wants a 5th child so bad you can see it shining in her eyes. I just love watching us herd our kids around together. We make quite a group. Plus it's like herding kittens. It's impossible.

What's really funny is to see the disapproving eyes of folks. They don't like our children at our church too well. They think we have too many. Funny that, since we are all Catholic. Our kids aren't bad. Okay. There are times when they get a little loud and run but hey they are kids! Kids do that. Those rich bitch kids at the Catholic school are ruder than our kids ever are. Oh well. Money smooths everything over I suppose.

Sorry for the tangent. Anyway, I'm just wondering if I'll ever get back into the swing of things. Bedtime. How very difficult bedtime is for me these days. If only PF won't bellow so. I don't know. I'm just feeling very mellow these days. I'm wishing the kids would just get motivated to go to bed on their own. Pipe dreams.

A Point of Convergence

I have a spot in my house where people just naturally end up gathering. A couple of years back I celebrated my birthday with friends. My close friends. Anyway, I'm in the kitchen cooking the meal. Where do the folks all gather to talk? It's in front of the refrigerator. There is only about 49 inches between the frig and the counter. Yet people always stand there when I'm having a party and even when I'm not.

Here's a thought for everyone--Could it be that the frig is a magnet? A people magnet? I mean I know magnets go on the frig but could the frig be emminating a tractor beam? Are people drawn to this appliance out of sheer helplessness?

Why does this even bother me? Well it is very difficult to get in the frig when there are people standing in front of it. When you are cooking a meal you frequently need to be in the frig. Hence this is a pet peeve of mine.

There's more to the story, too. I mentioned magnets earlier. I have 2 children that sit in front of the frig to play with magnets. They tell elaborate stories to themselves or each other. Again this inhibits getting into the frig. I'm forever shooing them away from the frig.

I'm going home early today. I'm going to drag out the magnetic boards I made a place them around my kitchen. Probably against the bar. Maybe that will help with the kids sitting in front of the frig. Don't know but it's better than never trying.