Tired Mother

Stuff

2012-01-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

The end of last year was just very upsetting. PF got sick and ended up in the hospital. Which I suppose is the reason for my thoughts on death that I've been having lately. There was one night where I pondered what death would feel like. I received some sort of notion because it was a really moving experience. Of course that's just my imagination but somehow it felt real. I had a moment of weightlessness; peace and dark. OK the dark doesn't seem to go with all the near death experiences that people talk about but the darkness wasn't scarry. This experience has really been bothering me. It lingers with me like a scent.

Perhaps this is too personal to post but I need to talk about it. I need to wipe it out.

Here's another thing that came up recently: While taking down the Christmas decorations DQ asked me if I would remarry if Daddy ever died. I didn't look at her. For those that might not know PF was in the hospital Christmas Eve night and all of Christmas day. The kids didn't know anything about his fainting and being taken to the hospital. They just woke up Christmas morning and there was their aunt and cousin sitting on the couch. So that was probably the source of the question. My answer to DQ was I didn't know. DQ then said that she hoped not because step-fathers can be really mean. I told her that my main job is to protect them. I don't think I would remarry if they were still in the house. I agreed with her that bringing in some foreign man would not be a good idea. But I also told her that any decisions I made I would discuss with them before making them. I told her that one never knows how one is going to react to any given situation. I also told her that hopefully we will never have to worry about that. I talked to her about my marriage. I told her that her father and I have too much invested in the relationship to just give up on it. I told her that there is more to it than just having kids. I told her that her father and I have over 17 years together and many, many memories. I told her that we value the relationship. Sure we get mad at each other but these are just little bumps along the way. I told her that what's going to make this relationship last was the fact both her parents are committed and vested in it. 17+ years is a lot of time to through away.

Epic Road Trip

2011-10-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

PF recently saw my blog and told me that I failed to chronicle our summer vacation. This summer we went to several National Parks and Memorials. Our first stop was Scott's Bluff in Nebraska. We elected to drive to the top and do our hiking from there. We also saw Chimney Rock but didn't stop there. Just marveled at the wonder. After the a short amount of hiking the kids were hungry. We drove back into town and ate at a McDonald's. Met some interesting families there. This was the 1st time someone encouraged us to go see Mount Rushmore.

After lunch we headed on into Wyoming. Our next place to visit was going to be Devil's Tower National Park. On the way to our hotel PF noticed that we would be passing a coal mining venture. He wanted the kids to get a sense of where electricity comes from... Neither the kids or I were interested. Kinda felt bad. We got to the hotel in time for dinner and a quick swim. In the morning we headed on over to Devil's Tower. It affected me in a very spiritual way. We watched folks climbing it and it just didn't seem right. There was a sense of peace there. I could have stayed there and just sat. I wanted to revel in God's handiwork. I wanted the cool breeze to waft over my body. It just seemed right to be there. I wanted to sit and sit.

Unfortunately with kids you can't. They were hungry, thirsty and tired. So we drove to the closest "civilized" area--Tourist Trap. Paid an unGodly amount for lunch and they won't take a credit card! I highly recommend folks not to patronize the place across from the KOA but do all their business with KOA. Really I don't mind tourist traps. It's a business but one ought to be pleasant about robbing me. I smile would do wonders for me. PF told me that several people recommended going to Mount Rushmore and Jewel Cave. So we get into the car and start heading towards South Dakota. In the mean time we notice a thunderstorm that developed. We got caught in that storm and it remained rather stormy for most of the afternoon.

While driving to SD I was driving the posted speed limit but that was too high for the road conditions. We ended up hydroplaning. When all was said and done we were in the middle of the median facing in the direction we just come. We get back on the road and continue to SD. The rain continued and continued and continued. PF and I decided that conditions were just not right and that we would head back to Wyoming. I wanted to go to bed. Kids were hungry again. (I think that is the main theme to the story here.) We get dinner and go back to the hotel.

In the morning it was time to head to Cody, Wyoming. But that adventure will have to be another post. I need to get something done today.

Ponderings

2011-09-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

I started this blog for 2 reasons. 1)I had just lost my best friend and I wanted to write my memories of him down. 2)My then 3 year old daughter was a challenge and a joy. I needed a place to write down my feelings.

Now my daughter, 8 years old, is a challenge. Joy? Not so much. In fact I'm close to disliking her. She speaks to me in the most disrespectful ways. I don't even have to raise my voice. Her answer is, "STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!!!!! YOU DON'T LOVE ME." Makes me want to scream in her face to show her what a shout or a scream is.

This morning I told her twice to get dressed. Third time I yelled. Fourth time I yelled. Her response was, "Don't yell at me." I told her that I asked her nicely 3 times. She replied, "No the third time you yelled at me."

What's up with that? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

While driving her to school she said that I wasn't excited to have had her. I told her that I was the only one that was excited about her birth. I told her that everyone around me was offering me sympathy and condolences at my pregnancy. But I was happy and excited. And I was. I remember being so happy that I was pregnant again. PF wasn't happy. In fact he was trying to give himself a heart attack. It was one time that I seriously considered filing for divorce because he was soooooooo ugly during the pregnancy. I remember one time I screamed at him, "WHAT?!!!!!!!!?????? DO YOU WANT ME TO GET AN ABORTION?" If he had said yes I think we would no longer be because I loved her so much! I would have gone out there on my own. It would have been hard but I would have done it.

Now, I have this child that seems to think she can get away with anything just by shouting at me that I'm screaming at her and that I don't love her. Her tone of voice is frequently soo ugly sounding. She is soooooooooo negative.

There are days where I wonder where that cute, delightful child is. She didn't always talk so harshly all the time. She had a wonderful way about her. Between the ages of 1-4 she never seemed to care what others thought. She did her own thing. She was her own person. Yes. That caused some tension from time to time but really it wasn't bad. Starting in Kindergarten she suddenly began to care what people were saying about her. She wanted to play with other kids. We no longer have our little Tom boy who plays with boy toys; or wears Spiderman socks and underwear or shoes; or dresses up in fancy play dresses to catch bugs. Nope. She's gone. In her place is a horrible monster. A growling; mean ogre. A girl that will change her likes based on the group of kids she wants to play with at the time. A once avid Beiber fan now dislikes him horribly. So much so she's willing to be ugly to those that do like him. I can't seem to get through to her. I am at a loss.

I no longer want to interact with her. I will because I do love her but I'm finding it hard to see any good in her. Oh... there are times when she can be charming and she's doing well in school but the home life is not good. She won't help with the meager chores I ask of her. Alas, I'm sorry to say this but this girl is my mother-in-law through and through. What's even sadder is these behaviors come from my side of the family too. I have 2 aunts that are very similar. My coping mechanism is avoidance. I avoid my aunts and a I avoided my mil when I had to be in her physical company. (We did great over the phone.)

This morning on my drive to work I told myself that MI will be the one there for me when I get too old to care for myself. That she will turn out to be the best of the bunch. My prayer for her is that she will change into a delightful person again.

A Challenge

2011-06-08T12:57:00.001-07:00

So by now I suppose most of my siblings know that I'm in Tae Kwon Do classes. My mom found out yesterday evening. I'm sure my mom had a lot to say about this. I know because my mom is pretty forthcoming with her opinions.

Guess what! She doesn't think I'll make it to black belt! It's kinda of funny. She knows the best way to get me to do something is to say I can't do it. It's a challenge. Now I wonder if my mom is basically using reverse psychology on me. But you know it doesn't matter. I'm going to make it to black belt. I already have a pretty good axe kick. The only thing I need to work on is my extension.

What I'm finding out is that my ballet training is inhibiting some of my movement. My main problem is the tenets of ballet is to keep your supporting leg totally straight; whereas, in TKD a bent knee is EXPECTED on the supporting leg. Bent knees are the total premise of this martial arts.

Last night I learned that you are expected to "stay" low. Once you are in fighter's position STAY there. Grant it makes sense. But muscle memory is hard to "erase" after years-- no decades of training.

Another draw back for me is my knees. They aren't so good anymore and I have to wear braces to keep them in proper position. My petella often roams around. Despite this I've been doing well. Only a little aches here and there.

Here's a funny for ya. One of the masters is a twentysomething young man. HE is GORGEOUS! Eye Candy. I swear! Now don't think I have crush on him I don't but he does make the class more appealing. I think he has an ego to go with his looks, too.

As I departed from my mother she told me that I would have done better in Zumba. I like Zumba but it's hard to get to class and since I don't have to pay for it I often skip it. I pay for this so I go. I mean I'm not going to lose that money. Plus I sweat ever so much more in TKD than I did in Zumba. Yep, Mom, all you did was make me more determined to make black belt. I'm only on white but I'm closer to yellow than I was when I first started. I think I might even get some private lessons. I need to catch up after all. Oh are you wondering why I joined the Black Belt club? Well I was trying to keep MI interested in TKD. She wants to quit. I'm not letting her quit because she needs to understand comittment. Tough you say. Damn betcha. She needs some toughness in her life. She needs to achieve something.

Summer plans

2011-04-29T20:57:00.001-07:00

So, here's the back story to this posting, my husband and I grew up in families that were in no position to take the proverbial family vacation. My husband's family were farmers and there simply no way to go very far for a vacation. My family's vacation was to get in the car and drive practically non-stop to my parents' birthplace to visit their families. On the surface that sounds fine and you know it was but it sure would have been nice to stop and see some of the sights along the way. We never did because my parents wanted to have as much time with their families as possible. I understand that and appreciate it, too.

I'm excited about this year's summer vacation because we are going to do something we never got to do as kids. We are going to go Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. We get to see some of the majestic West! Never thought I would. I want to see the Morning Glory pond at Yellowstone and of course Ol' Faithful but there are still so many things I want to see.

The best part of this trip is we get to stay in a yurt! This way we get a kind of camping experience but it still seems civilized enough for our dear DQ. She wanted to stay in a motel. This is about the same cost and I don't have to figure out how to stick all the camping gear into the mini-van and I don't have to buy a tent. These yurts do not have TVs! I'm so happy. I want the kids to run and be free (with supervision) like it was when I was a kid.

The link between Temperance and Women's rights

2011-03-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I looked/viewed at Temperance Movement as silly and stupid; however, today I had an epiphany. I finally understand the movement. These ladies suffered under the hands of men. Most of the men were their husbands or fathers. Gosh! Now that I figured it I'm so ashamed of myself. Why? Because I was looking at them and judging them on my days standards and situation.

Guess what folks?! the Temperance Movement was a necessary action for Women's Rights. Those ladies back then realized that much of the male abuse they received were while those men were drunk. Their men worked hard. They played hard. They got drunk. They got violent and depressed when they got drunk. They hit women and children in drunken rages.

So now I can see why they felt that outlawing alcohol was a good idea. To them they thought alcohol was the root of the problem. An easy solution.

As we know it isn't an easy solution. Alcoholism is a disease. It's a horrible disease. Ok. I'm not going to beat a dead horse here but I'm amazed I never thought of this before.

DQ Blizzard.

2010-07-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

DQ. DQ is going through some changes. She is so emotional these days. It's really quite funny and pathetic all at the same time.

I feel for her because my mother and my sister, I don't get mad/I get even, really aren't sympathetic. I think they think I baby her too much but really I remember feeling similar things when I was her age. I feel her pain. She so wants to be grown up but she knows that she won't be anytime soon.

It's funny to watch her get upset. Things upset her and she doesn't understand why. I remember that too. Gosh those darn hormones are such pesty things.

DQ, is so tiny still. She can fit into size 4t clothing and the only thing wrong with them is the length. She needs size 10 clothing but even the slim pants are too wide for her waist.

So some of her favorite sayings are, "I hate this family"; "I hate my sisters" ; "I hate you" ; "I hate daddy". Pretty typical stuff for her age but I know this is all just the beginning.

I just hope she knows that I love her. I love her and I'll be waiting for her at the end of this tunnel with open arms.

Labor Day

2010-03-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

This was started on March 31st. I'm going to finish it tonight and share with you all.

A year ago today I labored to give birth to my 4th child. And I mean labored. In my other deliveries I never sweated or at least it never poured off me like I had run a marathon. I remember how the sweat just kept coming. My labor was induced. The waves of contractions never let up. There was no rest. I did the most during this labor. I sat in a rocking chair. I bounced on the labor ball. I did the labor dance with PF. I don't have fond memories of the birth like the others. This one really was difficult. I shouldn't complain because so many other women have harder times than I have had. But compared to the other 2 births this one was harder for me.

When it came time to actually push I had to wait for my doctor to make it across 2 parking lots to attend. They had me panting. I panted for so long that my whole body started to tingle. I never felt anything like it before. I kept thinking to myself that "I didn't need any stinking doctor. I had given birth before without one I could do this again." But they all kept forcing me to pant. When my doc finally made it into the room I was so ready to push. She wanted me to move further down the bed. I just didn't want to. I wanted to push. Anyway she got tough with me and I finally did as they asked and moved my butt down the bed. I pushed and out she came. I remember my doc saying, "You're no longer pregnant." Then came the other stuff that's really not all that fun and most don't want to hear about it but I have to say that her partner is much better (gentler) at cleaning up the afterbirth. It must have been gauze that she put up there but it felt more like a wire brush. And when she went to stitch the small tear that occurred she ran the cat gut back and forth before actually making the sutures. So I guess in away I wish I had her partner there after all. Doc O, delivered all the others and this was the first time that my doc made it to one the births.

I took a shower after the birth. I was so icky feeling. I forgot how messy labor and birth is. I surprised my nurse. She came into help me shower and she found me all done. My older children came by that evening to meet their youngest sibling. They were all so proud and excited.

Toilets + baby=Interesting times

2010-03-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

Imp drives me to hate toilets. I have 3 older children who don't seem to be able to remember anything except whether I treated their siblings better than them.

Here is the problem: Imp can raise the toilet seat. Imp loves to play in the water of the commode. Yep, splashing is the best. Of course then things progress to putting things into the toilet. One night I came into the bathroom and there in the toilet sat a frog. Ok. A toy frog. But still it took me a back for a moment or two.

Although, I have to admit this is much better than some of the other things I've found in the toilet. Use your imagination folks. It's gotten to be quite a chore at times cleaning up after Imp. I'm living in dread of when Imp discovers how to flush the toilet. Don't you know I'm going to have some really fantastic plumbing bills in the near future.

Oh I can hear you now... "Buy one of those child safety products that lock the lid." Need I remind you I have other children in the house? They tend to leave the chore of pottying to the last second. I still hear some of my kids saying to their waste on the way to the toilet, "Hold on pee pee. Hold on." I don't think a lock on the toilet is the answer. For right now closing the door is adequate.

When Imp progresses to opening doors then we'll put those door handle covers on them. Hopefully by the time Imp can disable those covers she will not be playing in the toilet.

All I can say is Imp is horribly attracted to toilets. I'm hoping that this is a good omen that potty training shall be easier than it was with the others. I can only hope, right?

Imp

2010-02-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged about anything about the kids. So I'm at home with my eyes running and my nose running down my face. Imp is home with me because there really isn't any point to her going to childcare. So here is the story of Imp.

Imp is a delightful baby. She is now 10 months old. Things she enjoys...

First, magnets. She loves to pull the magnets off the refrigerator and take them around to different surfaces to see if they will stick to them. Unfortunately she hasn't found anything yet. I'm waiting to see how long it takes her to find the metal back door but right now she is content to continue to try the wood cabinets in the kitchen.

The kitchen holds a great many things that fascinate her. Open the refrigerator door and she goes into hypercrawl. It's amazing how fast she can crawl to make it into the refrigerator. Another part of the kitchen is the pantry. When the doors are open she crawls over and starts taking things out of the pantry. My spices have hit the floor so many times now. I had mustard seeds rolling around the floor for days. Do you think I'm done? No. Imp loves the dishwasher. It's a great teething toy. Recently Imp had a run in the bottom basket. She pulled too hard on it and it came flying out and knocked her over. Poor thing hit her head and she cried and cried. When she was all calmed down I went back to stuffing the dishwasher and she, with great deterimination, plucked the flatware out and threw them on the floor. As you can see I get a lot of work done around the house. Not.

Next, comes her sister's easel. This easel has a whiteboard and a chalkboard on either side. Imp loves the chalk. Everyday we must return all the pieces to their home in the little compartment shelf of the easel. I'm starting to think about moving the easel down to her sisters' hall way. Imp also enjoys chewing the chalk.

Which leads me to the next characteristic of Imp. She is completely oral. PF and I don't remember the others being quite so orally fixated. EVERYTHING. Goes in her mouth. Cords are her most favorite thing to chew. It's like having a puppy in the house. Yes folks I know it's important to child proof the house but really it's really hard to do it with 3 other children in the house. Also this child finds things... The childcare center is baby proof yet she finds paper and small twigs and sticks to stick in her mouth. We spend our day constantly sweeping her mouth with our fingers to get the stuff out. Sometimes she tricks us because it's only her tongue she's chewing on occassionally. Other times she stores things in her mouth. She's like a chipmunk.

This is a really adorable little one. She has a way about her that takes your heart and squeezes it. Her smile melts your heart. Such a wonderful happy baby.

Friends / Enemies

2010-01-26T17:56:00.000-08:00

"Never explain — your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you anyway." Source unknown.

How my dad tried to get this through my head.

Opinions.

2010-01-26T12:40:00.001-08:00

You have the right to your opinions; as long as you keep them to yourself. Says a friend...

Ignorant vs. stupid

2009-10-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

According to the Webster dictionsary ignorant is uninformed or without education. Stupid... showing a lack of sense or intelligence.

I write this because I've been trying to explain to my children that when I corrected something they say it is not to be critical... at least not in a negative way but to help them sound like the intelligent young ladies that they are.

Buffet; ballet-- neither of these words are suppose to be said with the t sound at the end. DQ often insists on saying buf fet. GRRRRRRRRRR. "Buffe with the short e sound DQ", says mommy. DQ responds with a bunch of eye rolling and sighing.

Recently I explained to her that when she speaks and mispronounces things she sounds ignorant. It's okay to sound ignorant at times because there is something you can do about ignorance. Ignorance has a cure. It is education. It is enlightenment. Ignorance does not have to be terminal.

On the other hand, there is stupid. Stupid is terminal. Stupid. There is nothing one can do about being stupid. And forgive me folks there are stupid people in this world. Bless their hearts, all they can do is their very best and that's it. They are lucky if they can find something in this world that they can do well. Sometimes they can and you know what most times they're happy.

I work at a community college where we believe in student success. I do believe in student success. But there are times when I help someone, and I seriously have issues with the college, and their belief that every student that walks through our doors will leave with an associates degree. What I mean is I help people who just don't get the education process. They are trying really hard. I mean it. They are working their butts off. But they just can't process all the information that they are expected to learn and know. I see them struggling. And I always try really hard to help them but sometimes I really, really get the feeling that they just don't get it. My heart breaks for them because I know they are really trying. But I also know they will never become Einsteins or even above average. I hate to say that but it's true.

On a personal note, I know my girls are smart. Not one of them are stupid. So I'm going to continue to correct their pronunciation of words and their grammar. I'm going to insist they look things up in the dictionary or the encyclopedia. I am determined that my children will not be ignorant of general knowledge stuff. Of course they will have those subjects that they are ignorant of as we all have subjects we are ignorant of due to disinterest or not being exposed to those ideas and concepts. But ignorance is not terminal folks... Given a reason to explore and learn my girls can do it. I just want them to know they can do it.

I'm in love

2009-10-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in love! It's the greatest thing! The flutters one feels with the first flush of love. How you anxiously await to see your beloved's face and their beautiful smile. Yes, I feel all these things and more!

I live to hear the laugh and to see the smile. I feel complete when my beloved blesses me with a smile. That toothless grin the precious giggles. Oh how I love all of that.

Yes, I'm speaking of the New Baby. I have also found a name for the new baby. From this day forward new baby will be Imp. That's right Imp. Why Imp? Well I'll tell ya...

First, Imp has a look that comes over her face that can only be described as impish.

Second, I can tell when Imp is storing something away in the long term memory to be tried out when she gets more mobile. Adorable.

Mobile! Imp is crawling now. Yep c.r.a.w.l.i.n.g. Ok, it's only an army type crawl-- you know the drag the belly on the ground crawl but she's still able to get where she wants to go. She's the only one of my kids to do this.

Imp is also sitting by herself. She's been doing this for about 1 1/2 months. She can't get herself into it but if you place her down in a sitting position she can sit.

Imp loves to vocalize. She can be pretty darn loud. But why should she be any different from the others? I swear she's saying dada; and mama but PF refuses to believe it. I also think she is saying Hiiii. It's an adorable tone to it too. Kinda of a high pitch. Ohhhh. High pitch! Let me tell you about the scream Imp has. It is a high pitch, ear shattering scream. Luckily she does not share this with us very often.

I'm trying to think if there is anything else I ought to share with folks. At this time I can't think of anything. QueenB and Adjective Queen I really appreciate your comments from my last post. It so nice to know I'm not alone in the world of bedtime angst.

Time

2009-09-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

This year I'm having the hardest time getting the older girls to bed by 8:30PM. I don't know what the problem is. Do I lack motiviation? Are they rebelling? Has the New Baby messed up the rhythm of the household so much?

I try to get them to bed. I really do. But then there are other nights where I just don't feel up to the fight. And yes bedtime is a fight.

Professionals all talk about having a bedtime ritual. They say do not deviate from it. But really do these people live in the same world as I do? I mean... what about the school event scheduled for 7PM. What do you do then? Tell the school, "I'm sorry but that is conflicting with the bedtime ritual I've created for my children." And yes to get them to bed for 8:30PM you must start the ritual by 7PM.

Frankly we lost what ever ritual we had. I don't know where it went to. All I know is that by 5PM I'm ready to shut the house down but the kids are not. In fact their schedules are so that we don't get home until after 5:30 most days.

Today I got lucky and got dinner in the crock pot. In fact today is our longest day. We won't get home until after 6:30PM. In fact Wednesday we won't get home until 8:30PM. I love Wednesday nights. I get to meet with some mothers that I absolutely adore. These are the neatest young women. We sit and talk and watch each other's children. Between the 3 of us we have 13 children. One of them wants a 5th child so bad you can see it shining in her eyes. I just love watching us herd our kids around together. We make quite a group. Plus it's like herding kittens. It's impossible.

What's really funny is to see the disapproving eyes of folks. They don't like our children at our church too well. They think we have too many. Funny that, since we are all Catholic. Our kids aren't bad. Okay. There are times when they get a little loud and run but hey they are kids! Kids do that. Those rich bitch kids at the Catholic school are ruder than our kids ever are. Oh well. Money smooths everything over I suppose.

Sorry for the tangent. Anyway, I'm just wondering if I'll ever get back into the swing of things. Bedtime. How very difficult bedtime is for me these days. If only PF won't bellow so. I don't know. I'm just feeling very mellow these days. I'm wishing the kids would just get motivated to go to bed on their own. Pipe dreams.

A Point of Convergence

2009-08-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

I have a spot in my house where people just naturally end up gathering. A couple of years back I celebrated my birthday with friends. My close friends. Anyway, I'm in the kitchen cooking the meal. Where do the folks all gather to talk? It's in front of the refrigerator. There is only about 49 inches between the frig and the counter. Yet people always stand there when I'm having a party and even when I'm not.

Here's a thought for everyone--Could it be that the frig is a magnet? A people magnet? I mean I know magnets go on the frig but could the frig be emminating a tractor beam? Are people drawn to this appliance out of sheer helplessness?

Why does this even bother me? Well it is very difficult to get in the frig when there are people standing in front of it. When you are cooking a meal you frequently need to be in the frig. Hence this is a pet peeve of mine.

There's more to the story, too. I mentioned magnets earlier. I have 2 children that sit in front of the frig to play with magnets. They tell elaborate stories to themselves or each other. Again this inhibits getting into the frig. I'm forever shooing them away from the frig.

I'm going home early today. I'm going to drag out the magnetic boards I made a place them around my kitchen. Probably against the bar. Maybe that will help with the kids sitting in front of the frig. Don't know but it's better than never trying.

Pacifier

2009-08-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

Long ago when my older daughters were babies they would not take a pacifier. PF would put one in and out it would pop. I would look at him with a face that I fear could only be described as triumphant. See I'm not a great proponent for pacifiers. I hate the way they look in a child's mouth. I hate that people seem to try to plug up their children.

PF tried to use a pacifier with all three of the older girls. None of them would take a pacifier. I remember how relieved I was. I would never have to worry about dealing with the missing "Binky". I would never have to watch my child walk around looking like there was a plug in her mouth.

Now we're on to our 4th child. Life is much different. I don't know how New Baby took to pacifiers but I think the younger children are far more persitent than her parents are or ever were. Apparently the older girls would hold the pacifier in NB's mouth until she would start to suck on it. Then they would run to me proudly to inform me that the pacifier was in NB's mouth.

Guess what? I now see the value of a pacifier. I still don't like the looks of them. I tend to feel a bit guilty about using a pacifier. But they really come in handy. See NB tends to sort of wake in the middle of the night and cry and fuss. She's really not hungry. I've just fed her. If I get that pacifier into her mouth before she's fully awake I get to go back to sleep. So I know think of pacifiers as my friends. I still don't use them as much as most folks do. I don't mind NB sucking on her fingers. (Stastistically she will need braces with or without sucking on her fingers) But they are my night time friend.

Now before I go to sleep I make sure I have a pacifier sitting in the corner of the crib. Then I know I'm ready for the night time routine. Two feedings during the night and one up to insert pacifier and go back to sleep. All are happy with this routine. Yay for the persitent children in my life!

Toe nails

2009-07-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

Ever since my dad died 5 years ago I've let my toe nails grow. I was a ballet dancer. To wear pointe shoes you could not have long nails. My father use to get so angry with me because I cut my toenails so short. I understand he worried about in-grown toenails. My family has horrible problems with them. My dad suffered from the especially.

Now I'm letting my nails grow. Althoughs years while I danced I never had any problems with in grown toenails. But the past few years I've had more of them. They are not pleasant. One winter I had to wear sandals because of a flair up.

While I was pregnant, my toenails grew so quickly. I got so large I couldn't cut them myself. I was at the mercy of PF. It was funny; he would cut them short like I did while I was young. It would drive me crazy because it caused a funny feeling in my toe.

I'm back to being able to cut my own nails. It's time for them to be cut. In bed the sheet drags on them and pulls them down. I laugh to myself and think of my father. I have toe nails now. I wonder what he would think of them.

Limerick inspired by new baby

2009-07-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

Not my creative writing here but I wanted to share this wonderful limerick that New Baby inspired. My sister, Sister Sister, wrote this this morning.

Limerick Number 1

There once was a babe at the breast

Who knew that was only the best

When offered a bottle

She cried at full throttle

Until Mommy gave up on the test.

The Booby bottle

2009-07-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

Are you curious about the bottle I mentioned in the second to last post? It was suppose to mimic breastfeeding. It looks like a boob. I call it the booby bottle.

Here's the result: New Baby tolerates it to a point and then cries for me. I love it! I still get to leave work for a while to see my little one. I like going down there to take care of her. I don't feel like I'm missing so much of her life doing it that way. Plus it's just a great feeling to know that she needs and wants me. No one can replace me.

Last week got a call from the childcare place-- New Baby didn't want anyone but me. Come get her. When I walked in the office her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She was so excited to see me. None of the other children ever reacted that way to me. Of course I was a stay at home mom but still it was a great experience for me.

Travelling with new baby

2009-07-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

We went on a short vacation. We traveled over 600 miles by car one way. Here's my question... Have you ever been on a trip where you became concern whether you should have ever gone on it in the first place.

Well this was the trip for me. It started out with a car accident. Not ours! Thank God! but it took close to 30 minutes to travel just one half of a mile. Then we had a crying baby. The new baby didn't sleep very much on the trip. In fact she spent most of her time crying and screaming. She has this high pitched scream... most unpleasant. We stopped for the baby several times. We ended up in the bad part of a city to fill the ol' gas tank up. We followed that up with getting turned around and confused and then the street signs themselves were poorly placed.

Instead of driving through the night like we planned we stopped overnight to rest hoping that the morning would bring better results. Well. Whaddya think happened? That's right you guessed it. The baby continued to cry and scream. The new twist to the tale was the severe thunderstorm that stopped us in our tracks because of the driving hail stones. It was so loud in the mini-van that we had to yell and shout to be heard, and we could still barely hear one another. Only later did we discover that the wind had driven the rain into the back of the mini-van wetting those objects on top.

Some highlights to this frustrating trip was MI yelling at ST to "Tame her." in reference to the crying baby. ST was so frustrated that she couldn't "tame her" that ST started yelling back that the only person she can control is herself. Seems like that lesson just make take with ST.

The kids really did enjoy themselves at the B'nai mitvah. Baby danced her 1st hava nagila with mommy. I may be a shicksa but I at least know how to dance it. I was shocked by how many folks didn't know it. PF played his clarinet with the paid band. I ate a lot of yummy food. I also danced Miserlou in high heels and did something to my knee.

So you see. PF and I are not too excited about traveling anytime soon.

The birth

2009-06-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

As you know I've had my fourth daughter. She was born on March 31st at 5:40 P.M. The birth experience was totally different. I was induced. This labor is horrible. The contractions are unrelenting but the positive side of the experience was a great labor nurse. She attended to me with great compassion. She made the experience really wonderful. I thank her for that because this was truly a difficult labor for me. And I stress me. I know that my labor and delivery wasn't horrible in that there were no emergencies; no excessive blood; nothing earth shaking. For me the IV was horrible. They had a hard time putting in the IV. My veins are not terribly visible and they roll when they are found.

I hate to admit it but I lost it. I became a weeping, sniveling, mess. The nurse called the doc and the doc told me we could do it another time. I told her no way. They finally got that IV in and I wasn't going to go through that again. Doc told me there was no way she was going to go forward with me in the state I was in. I had many reasons why I had to do it that day. Most importantly ST could not go through with another false alarm (March 19 I had gone to the hospital with false labor); secondly my sister, who's my doula, had to go out of town April 1 for her job. I told the doc to get my sister back in the room. Together we got me calmed down enough to start the pitocin. The contractions didn't start immediately so I was able to participate in conversation, something I never did in the other deliveries.

At some point when the contractions started to get serious I heard my sister say, "She's doing it. She's going away. She's putting herself into that 'trance'." It was true. I was concentrating on my focal point; concentrating on breathing through the pain. My nurse was good about putting me into different positions. I was good about remembering to use the bathroom. While I labor I used a birthing ball; a rocking chair and PF. PF and I did the labor dance. Poor man he didn't have a clue at first what I wanted. He felt lost. All I wanted was for PF to hold me and rock me while we stood between the rocking chair. This is also the only labor I remember where I broke out in a drenching sweat. It was pouring off me. The longest part of the labor was waiting for that little stinker to move down the birth canal. Getting up and moving was the best thing to facilitate that movement. I was glad my nurse supported that kind of labor. (By the way I did this birth naturally. No drugs, other than pitocin.)

Finally I felt ready to push. Boy did things get hopping then. There was so much activity in the room. I think there were about 10 nurses in the room. I was ready to push and I was going to push. But they told me I couldn't. They made me pant. I panted for so long and so hard my whole body started to tingle. I never experienced that sensation before in my life. It totally freaked me out. In fact I got to thinking I didn't need any stinking doctor to deliver this kid. I had done it before I could do it again. (This is why they were having me pant to keep a spontaneous birth from happening) Anyway the nurses were watching the parking lot. Then all of a sudden you could hear them cheering the doctor on her way. She was running across the parking lot. As soon as she got into the room I told them I was pushing. Again I was ordered not to push. In fact the doc wanted to readjust me on the bed. She wanted me to pick up my bottom and scoot down the bed more. I didn't want to do it but then she got stern and I did it. I finally got to push and my little baby girl was born. I didn't push very long at all-- 10 minutes tops. I remember the little head of black hair. Her hair was all wavy and she had lots of it.

Now she is 10 weeks old. She's finishing her 2nd week at child care today. The highlight of that experience is her first day. First day of child care 2 weeks ago, baby got sent home. She would not take a bottle and kept being startled by all the noise in the class room. I've been going down and nursing her. I'm so glad I chose a place close to my work. I love going down there and nursing her.

Today, I brought a different bottle and some milk for them to try. I held off going down there to give them some time to give it to her. I walked in just as she was finishing it. So the little stinker found a bottle she would take. Did I mention it's the cheapest bottle I've bought? Just 99 cents. Yep. So much for the expensive Playtex nursers. So much for the Medela bottles. There you have it.

Yesterday, I found a bottle that is suppose to mimic the mother's breast perfectly. It's even won awards. It's also the most expensive bottle I've bought so far. Wonder if the little stinker will take it?

Showers

2009-03-06T10:22:00.001-08:00

This is a big weekend for my family. A wedding. A baby shower for 3. A shower for me at work.

This morning my co-workers gathered with me to celebrate the future life of a child. They had a nice cake for me. They pooled their money together and gave me an extremely generous gift card to Target.

I have to say I am quite humbled by their kindness and generosity. Times are tough and they gave so much. Really, I appreciate these people so much.

Saturday my nephew will marry his girlfriend. And on Sunday they will attend a baby shower for their future daughter. This shower on Sunday is for my niece (my nephew's sister and me). What's really funny is the shower will be held at a cemetery. This business recently built a room that they use as a community room. I've never been there but apparently it's a lovely room. Some people seem a bit hesitant about the venue but to me it makes prefect sense. Why not have a baby shower celebrating life held at place that marks/celebrates the passing of life? Isn't it all connected? The beginning and the end? A completed circle?

My priest talks about 2 of the most holiest events of life. The birth of a child and the passing of a person. Each event is where God is closest to us. I've given birth twice and I know that I spent a lot of my labor in prayer. Prayer. Not because I was scared, in pain or in distressed but because it seemed like the right thing to do. I spend so much time after the birth being amazed at the way God works. God provides an organ that I don't have until a fertilized egg nests in the lining of my uterus. To me that is a miracle. This organ then nurtures my baby for 9 months. It provides air, food and eliminates the waste products of this new life. Amazing. Truly amazing.

Then I've nurse my children for 2 years. Nursing for me is an extremely spiritual experience. Again God's work at work. My body creating nourishment for my child. I don't do anything but make sure I eat well and drink lots of water. My body does everything on it's own. I'm participating in the life cycle in a way that is totally awesome. So as you can see I find caring for a small infant a profoundly spiritual experience. This is my very personal experience.

Week 36 or 39

2009-03-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a whole month since I've posted. But I wanted people to know that I am doing so much better than the early months of pregnancy. I have a really great therapist who is working with me.

So here's what's up. I've decided to go with my EDD (estimated date of delivery) and not the doctor's. I am so ready to have this baby. I am having difficulty breathing. And sleeping is difficult too. Okay. Sleeping is going to be difficult when the baby is here, too. It's just that I'm not going to be as big as a house after the baby comes.

Yesterday I did some research on inducing labor naturally. Oh! I suppose I need to tell you that this baby will be born in March. If she doesn't come on her own then the doc. will induce on March 31st. My s-i-l is upset. She wants it to me the 30th which is her birthday. I'm sticking with the 31st because one of my best friend's birthday is the 31st.

I tried to fight for a later induction date but the doctor told me in no uncertain terms that that would not happen this time because of my advanced maternal age and the asthma. So I continued to negotiate with the doc and told her I wanted to do this as naturally as possible. At that time I wanted her to break my water and let me do nipple stimulation but after yesterday's research I'm not really happy with that possibility either. Apparently all I'm doing is naturally causing oxytocin to spike which leads to intense, long labor pains. After reading that I was like NO WAY. So I figure there had to be a better way naturally. Of course sexual intercourse rates high up there; walking; riding on bumpy roads; drinking castor oil. Sex isn't very high on my list of things to do. In fact I haven't had sex for a very long time. Because of my age and prior pregnancies things just didn't feel good for me or PF. Apparently internal organs sag with age and pregnancy, too. I already ride on bumpy roads. Walking cool but the breathing makes it difficult.

Now that I've shared entirely too much information I'm going to share something that I've found yesterday that I think is pretty intriguing. Accupressure. What I found in researching it yesterday was pretty encouraging. First of all, it works only if your cervix is ready. It can help ready your cervix, too. So in other words you're not putting yourself or your baby at risk by doing this. It is not invasive or uses chemicals. It also helps in controlling labor pain if you use it during the labor itself. Testimonials attested pretty consistently that labor started for most within a 24 hour or less period. Not all of these testimonials were associated with the author's website.

So I bet you think I ran off and ordered the book? Right? Wrong! I'm such a cheapskate. I don't want to spend 30 bucks on a book. So I've been trying to think how I can purchase this item for my library or get the public library to purchase it. But here's the rub the book comes in PDF. This then leads me to all kinds of questions. How many libraries are purchasing and cataloging PDF books? Are the publishers of PDF books willing/accepting of books to be loaned from libraries? I know there is some vagueness in the world about Kindles from Amazon. Is it okay to loan Kindles from libraries? How does this affect copyright? Sorry. These are my professional questions.

The more I think about this book the more I think I will end up buying it. Thursday is my next doctor's appointment. It will include an internal exam. So I should know by Thursday evening just how far I am to the real deal. With both of my prior pregnancies I was dilated to 2 cm. 2 weeks before giving before. I won't do anything until I know that the cervix is ready. I figure I won't try to induce myself until March 18th.

Big

2009-01-14T12:06:00.000-08:00

I'm in the final monthes of pregnancy. My belly button slowly becomes a protuberance. In the evenings I can feel myself growing and I can feel my navel unravel. I am larger than any of my prior pregnancies. I can actually touch you (with my belly) without getting in your space.

I waddle like a duck when I walk, especially when I'm just getting up and getting started in walking. My inner thighs at these moments feel like I've been riding a horse for the first time for many, many miles.

When I was pregnant before I remember meeting up with women who wanted it to be all over and done with, NOW. I never understood them. But now I'm one of those women. I'm hoping the baby will come early. I'm hoping the baby is actually just small and the doctor's got the wrong date.

Actually I have 2 fears associated with going into labor early. That is I figure it will happen (if it's going to happen) on either March 12 (MI has an appointment with a doctor that lasts all day long) or March 29 (My sister, "I don't get mad; I get even" is unavailable to help that day.) So those are my worries and my reasons for those worries.

Of course I have plenty of other worries but I won't bore you all with those. Tomorrow will be 29 weeks, which means I only have 11 weeks left. The numbers for what's left are finally getting smaller. Every night I walk into my room and look at the corner I've chosen to put the crib in and think I better clear that space out. I don't. The bed is always more inviting. Sleep is such a strange state for me these days. I spend a lot of time being tired. I can easily fall asleep when I go to bed but then 4AM strikes and I'm up. I had had this theory that perhaps if I stayed awake later then I could sleep without awaking. I've tried this over the past couple of nights and it's not working. In fact I've been getting up earlier. 2AM strikes. I remember the insommnia with MI's pregnancy but it wasn't accompanied with the anxiety. So to night I'm going to bed early. One day I'll get to the corner and clear it out. I keep telling myself I'll get to the things I need to do.

A short something...

2009-01-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

I am at work after a very, very long holiday break. Okay. Maybe it wasn't all that long than other years it just felt that way.

I am grateful to have a job to go today. I know many do not. My two younger children have driven me crazy the last couple of days. But I'm not going to dwell on the negative.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, happy New Year.

What I'm tired about

2008-12-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

I am tired of people who feel inconvienced by the way things are. Buck up you bunch of whiny, sniveling idiots. I mean. I had to walk over to the main building to get the stupid schedule-- Why would it be too difficult for you? You certainly don't look 6 months pregnant. Plus you're in the freaking military. Like inconvience is a new concept to you? Good lord! What do you do on TDY's? Do walk around sniveling about being away from your home and family?

Really from the first day of the semester you haven't impressed me. In fact I've worried about our defenses if you are representative of our military. I mean you show up to school without our stupid schedule and then expect me to know where in the world you are suppose to go. Now you get peeved at me because I won't let you take my class schedule for next semester. You really grate on my nerves.

This hasn't been a good day. It did start out good but it went down hill reall fast. First MI throws a fit because her daddy has to take her to school. Then ST won't get dressed. Despite my attempts to get things pulled together the night before the girls were still late for school. Oh well. Guess I should be glad they had their backpacks.

I do wonder whether when I'm old and feeble whether these beautiful children of mine will take care of me. Often I think I'll just be sitting in my own waste rotting away.

As if the first part of the day wasn't miserable enough I'm sitting here at work fighting queasiness. I had to race to the bathroom with my ever ready trash can. Two pregnancy and deliveries have left me with a less than desirable situation when it comes to being sick. So I'm not having a good day. And to all those damn motivational speakers who talk about you choose what kind of day your having or better you can always start your day over-- NOT WHEN YOU ARE 6 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH 3 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 9 YEARS!

2008-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to keep my angst from my public life. But today I'm so tired and the feelings of anxiety and depression are too strong, I need to express them.

First I am so frustrated by MI. It looks like she is going to repeat Kindergarten. MI is determined not to learn to read. I know she knows her alphabet but she doesn't produce work that indicates that knowledge. I know she knows the sounds that are represented by those letters but she refuses to produce work that shows that knowledge. I know that there are simple words that she knows but when quizzed she refuses to cooperate.

What can I do about a child who won't work? I lie awake a night worrying about her future. What's to become of her? Why won't she cooperate at school? Why won't she cooperate at home?

Then that really gets everything churning. Everything seems so hopeless. Nothing is in my control. I can't even seem to control my own feelings. God. I've never cried so much in my life. In fact this seems to rate right up there with the OKC boot camp for librarians.

So I don't know what I'm going to do. Guess I just keep on crying.

If you want to see...

2008-10-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

If you want to see my attitude scroll down. I've added a new pic. It's me. Without a doubt.

On the big screen

2008-09-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went for a Down syndrome and spina bifida screening. This is a non-invasive procedure. Essentially it's 2 blood tests spaced through out the early stages of pregnancy and 2 ultrasounds. Oh I forgot to mention I had a genetic work up, too. Nothing much in that to indicate any strong possibilities for problems.

I won't know anything about the blood work until next week. The ultrasound was quite an experience. They had a huge flat screen TV on the wall. I think it was like 5'x 4' screen. The baby was a busy one at the moment we were peeking in at it. It jumped and jerked. It's little hands were flaying away. We got some good pictures of a fist and a foot. The profile is beautiful. Okay Adj. Queen, this one's for you, it appears that this child will be a girl, also. But remember it is still very early in the pregnancy so it could change but I'm pretty sure it's a girl.

Both the tech. and the doc would chuckle at the antics of the baby. They had a hard time getting the baby into position so they could get the reading they needed. The tech would bounce her instrument up and down on my belly trying to persuade the baby to turn over. After a while they did manage to get the readings they needed. At this point in time there doesn't seem to be any physical problems that they can see. So I go back in Oct. for a blood test, and Nov. will be the second ultra sound.

I looked at the first ultrasound and marveled at the distinct changes in the baby. The baby is now a fetus while before it was an embryo. How she's grown! She no longer looks like a kidney bean. Now she has a head with a tiny nose. Her arms has hands and fingers. Her feet are tiny miniatures of feet. It all looked so prefect. It was a profound moment for me. Somehow seeing the baby on such a big screen made it all so very real.

PS
Adj. Queen are you sure SO isn't daylighting as a ob. doc.?

Tears

2008-08-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

Well folks-- I'm totally absorbed in myself and this pregnancy. So here's the latest development-- I just spent 5 minutes crying over this video. Something that had no intention to bring tears to ones eyes had tears streaming from mine. Now I know I'm pregnant. I'm so screwed up. I don't remember being quite this emotional with my other pregnancies. The weirdest things set me off. I'm glad I'm in my own office because I can weep silently without my co-workers knowing.

In fact the only thing they've noticed is I'm quieter. So maybe that's a blessing for them. I don't know. You'll have to ask them.

Last night I worked in the evening. I had a class to teach, too. This was one of the best classes I've ever had! I made a mistake in a search and one of the students figured out what I had done wrong! WooHoo! It's so nice to know that they're getting it. This is like my second night class I taught, and I think I would rather teaching an evening class anytime over a day class. One professor said that the evening classes are really better because these are the folks who are working during the day, and they're coming to us because they WANT to be there. They aren't marking time; they are engaged in their education. Essentially they are more motivated. It's fantastic.

So I wonder what else will send tears coursing down my cheeks today? We'll see.

Sick and tired

2008-08-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

I was doing so well in the morning sickness business. But last night in the wee hours of the morning I lost my track record. ST came to our room because she had a nightmare. I took her back to her room and was about to lie down with her there when I told her I had to go. I raced back to my room. I was sick but you know what even so I felt better.

Since the late afternoon yesterday I hadn't been feeling so well. PF and I had dinner at an Indian restaurant. The food was good. But I started to feel really bad. I decided that I must have over eaten. I got to bed early.

Now I'm tired, and my tummy still feels queasy. I hope this isn't how it's going to be. I don't know if I can work 30 hours a week feeling queasy. Oh well maybe I'll just take off early today.

For 2

2008-08-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

Well if you're interested I have something to share that isn't exactly something that ought to be shared. So you've been forewarn-- if you're squeemish do not read further.

You know how people talk about pregnant women eating for 2? Well I think there is more to it than just that. I'm pretty sure I'm pooping for 2. I've had more bowel movements in the last month or so than I've had most of my life; or, at least, it just seems that way. I don't ever remember this situation with the other 2. I also have to be careful eating leafy greens. That is a true formula for up all night! It sucks too because I like leafy greens.

At this point in time I don't have much more to share, and I know I've shared more than I should but I've been amazed with this development. For those interested I meet with the nurse on Wednesday. I should be able to hear the baby's heart beat. I'm looking forward to that.

THE NEWS

2008-08-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I ran a test on myself. I wasn't sure what I would discover but I knew it was time. Time to have information. Time to have knowledge. It was time.

When I got the results (and I have to confess that the result was rather quick) I was devastated. I felt so sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Then after awhile I started to feel a little excited. Anticipation set in; as did wonder. But still anytime I thought about telling PF I would get so scared. I didn't want to have to deal with his reaction. Last time he didn't handle it very well. In fact it was a time of strife in our marriage. I really thought that he would divorce me.

By know I hope you realize that I am pregnant. In fact tomorrow will be 10 weeks! I didn't want to tell anyone because it was still so early. But around Wednesday this week I couldn't hold it in any longer. I don't plan on telling the children until I'm into my 2nd trimester. DQ is going to be devastated. ST will be ecstatic, and I have no clue how MI will take the news. MI's been asking for a baby brother her age for awhile now. Of course that's not going to happen but I don't know if she'll understand that.

I did tell PF. He's taken it so much better than last time. I mean he isn't moping around, or trying to give himself a heart attack. He is calm and gratious. I told him Saturday night while we watched the Olympics. It just flew out of my mouth. No setting the stage. No romantic talk. I didn't even look at him. Really I don't remember what he said. I think it had something to do with having a lot of things to get done. If there is anything really upsetting him it's the fact that I had those medical procedures done last month. His worried about how that would affect the baby.

Well folks life's a crap shoot. You don't know what you're going to get. But whatever is is. I'm not going to spend my time worrying about what's been done for it cannot be undone. I'm living in the moment. This is God's child and I am nothing but a vessel and an instrument for His work. I love babies. Always have. I'm not too keen on 3 year olds but you know that falls under the future and I'm not going there. My reality is now. This day and what I do today is all I can control and even then not everything is in my control.

I am now very excited about this pregnancy. I am looking forward to meeting this child. My belly is already big. The round ligaments are feeling some strain. I haven't been sick. I have been hungry. Very, very hungry. I eat almost 2 to 3 hours. I also can't eat a whole lot in one sitting or I get sick to my stomache. I'm craving proteins. Cheese, meat, peanut butter (which I don't cave into to protect the baby from too early a nut introduction), and Coke a Cola (which I don't cave into because I don't believe that it would be very good for the baby.) I've stopped taking 2 meds. The other thing about this pregnancy is that I am dizzy. This is different than my other two pregnancies; so when people ask about what I want I just tell them that the pregnancy were not similiar to the other two.

To make this pregnancy even more interesting, my niece is pregnant, too with her second child. I'm a month further than her. So we will have a race to see who will give birth first. I've already got my doula set up. Okay she's not a trained professional but she's always been my doula. It's my sister, I Don't Get Mad/I Get Even. I know she will be there for me, and she won't let the health care professionals try to bully me. I am so grateful to God for a sister like her. She's always, always been there for me. God bless her.

So keep me in your prayers if you pray; if not then keep me in your thoughts. I'm forty years old and pregnant.

Summer vacation

2008-08-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

We are back from a rather long family Summer vacation. We headed towards Michigan to visit PF's baby sister. Along the way we stopped to visit with PF's friends that could be found along the way.

First I have to say that this vacation went extremely well. The kids were really well behaved. I also think they had a fun time. What I'm trying to say is that it didn't seem all that stressful as previous vacations we've taken but perhaps that is because the kids are older.

Some highlights to the trip--

We took a ferry from Milwaukee to Muskegeon. The girls had a blast on the trip. DQ didn't want to go originally because, "I get sea sick." She did not get sea sick.

Some activities we participated while in Michigan were a long drive (45 min.)North to Rainbow Ranch for an hour horseback ride. We then went North again and found this little town that survives only on tourism. We did our part in maintaining that economy by going miniature golfing, go-kart driving; bumper boat riding.

I have to say that there was an added bonus to the visit with PF's sister, too. She has a cat who is rather tender hearted. Our girls love cats so they have a hard-time accepting that the cat needs to be left alone. So this time a volunteer cat visited the house of Shutter Bug. (Hope you like the new name. PF's sister is connected to her camera. Odd, now that I think about it PF is rather connected to his cameras, too. Must be a family trait.)

The girls got to name the volunteer kitty. It was an adorable black and white kitty-- black on top-- white underbelly with white paws. Her final name was Cuddles.

We ended the trip by going a different way home and visiting with a college friend of PF's. He lives in St. Louis, Missouri. We went to the St. Louis Zoo. It is free but you have to pay $10 for parking. If you want to go to the children's zoo or do any other fun activities you have to pay extra for them. Once a long time ago while we were visiting St. Louis the zoo advertised a new feature in the children's zoo-- a slide through the river otter exhibit. So we bought the pass that got us a ride on the train, 3-d movies, motion simulator; and the children's zoo. The kids loved the children's zoo but the weather was so stifling hot that the rest of the adventure was not so much fun. In the evening we had dinner with the college buddy.

The next day we spent swimming in the hotel pool and making plans for the rest of the day. We went to the Mermac Caverns. MI wasn't so independent in these caves. Her little hand stayed in mine the whole time, and I frequently had to coax her to continue with the tour.

Like I said this was a long trip, and we did a lot of things. I really am impressed with our darling girls. Life is good.

Missing my Bunco nights!

2008-07-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

I've been very busy with myself lately. This has been my summer for medical tests. I had a colonscopy/endoscopy procedure almost two weeks ago. I also had a HIDA-scan and an ultrasound. To date I haven't learned anything other than I most likely have GERD.

Armed with another prescription drug to take my pain is gone. And I don't wake up with heart burn anymore. Which I didn't really realize I was doing until going on the GERD medicine. Needless to say I'm sleeping much better than I have for a couple of years. I still have a hard time getting to sleep but "Oh well."

I had lunch with Adj. Queen and CraftyMinx. This was the first time I talked with CraftyMinx. I felt totally comfortable with her. I've been reading her blog for a couple of years now. So it wasn't like she was a total stranger.

During this lunch I mentioned that I play Bunko with the neighborhood ladies. They laughed. It was a laugh that sounded kinda incredulous. So I wanted to explain why I play Bunko. I live in a neighborhood with HOA. I don't get to go to the meetings. I get to watch the kids. Really I don't mind that at all. My only probably is that PF goes to the meetings. And let's face it folks. PF is only a man. And pretty oblivious to undercurrents or even overcurrents going on in a room.

Thus I go to the "unofficial" HOA meeting. This is where I learn things about the meeting that I don't get from PF. Last year it was great because the HOA prez was a woman and the HOA secretary/treasurer was a woman. No big deal right? WRONG! Those two went after each other. Two strong personalities colliding. It was great. The gossip was juicy and riveting. Who needs soap operas when you've got an HOA?

Plus it is a totally mindless game of rolling dice. I can play it. I'm not one for games but this one is alright because I can talk and play at the same time. I've even gotten good at scoring and talking at the same time.

Well I haven't been to Bunko in about 3 months. PF was out of town one month and then I started working evenings so I can be with the girls this Summer during the days. I've missed it. I haven't heard the news of the neighborhood. Plus I've been known to win. In fact the last time I played I could have won the majority of prizes. Boy was that a rowdy night. My life was endanger. Preggy Mom down the street talked about running me over afterwards. Or at the very least knocking me over the head to get the goods. I figure it's the pregnancy talking.

This year has been rather sad. We lost one of our regular players. Her husband came home from Iraq and got transferred to Ohio. (She got pregnant shortly afterwards but remained sweet.) Then another woman dropped out because she's going back to school. She's learning to be a sonographer. One of the nice things that happened was one of the ladies' came by my house to find out why I hadn't been. She's a really nifty lady and I enjoy her a lot.

I have another friend that I recently discovered plays Bunko. So I'll have to remind myself to call her when we are going to be down people. I don't really like playing with "ghosts" because you have to think then.

Mid-life Crisis

2008-06-30T17:56:00.001-07:00

This is my fortieth year. Truly, it doesn't bother me to be turning the big 4O but I have to admit I've got somethings going on in my head. So I'm going to share with you all my mid-life crisis "project". Here it is in color, I want a trike or maybe this one.

I'm not courageous enough to go for a motorcycle but a trike would be cool. Of course, I doubt that PF would take me seriously. So maybe I will have to wait until the kids are out of the house.

My Career

2008-06-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm here at the reference desk. This has been a boring night. So very few people coming to me for my sage advice. I guess if you reframe this thought one might think of it this way, "I get paid close to $19.00 an hour to tell a few stray students where the bathrooms are."

Now I want you to realize I take my job seriously. In fact I don't merely tell them where the bathroom is; I make it sound like an adventure. If they want to stay on the main floor of the library they need to go out the gates, out the doors, and into the dark corner. Truly it is a dark corner. I personally gave up going to that bathroom because of the darkness. I'm sure you guys remember "Charlie in the woodwork". I know I've told some of you about Charlie. I digress.

When I ponder all the things I've done over the last 14 years as a librarian with a masters degree I'm amazed. I've learned that toothpaste is darn near impossible to get off mirrors. I've wiped poop off stools; watered plants that meant something to by supervisors; I've directed people to bathrooms; I've listened to genealogists tell me about their pedigrees feigning interest as not to anger them (believe me folks some of them are easily offended); cleaned up used condoms; dealt with disturbed people who thought there were people after them; I've been stalked; romanced; called profane names; dealt with bomb threats; tried evacuating a library when a light fixture was smoking. Who thought libraries were boring places? Of course I left off my all time favorite... about the dude who whipped out his little buddy for a nice massage. God how I wish could have thought of the following reply, "Why don't you put that thing away before it goes off?" Really I think that was perfect.

Now I'm an academic librarian and things aren't quite as interesting here. Although I seem to still get the large portion of weirdos. This week I got a call from some woman in Texas who wanted me to tell her how to get a card indicating her children have Native American blood. She told me this sad tell of woe. She's disabled and her computer is on the blink. And she really, really needs these cards by August 2008! Boy I really wanted to tell her that that probably wasn't going to happen. In fact I bet she'll be lucky to get them by August 2009. Of course as though I needed to round out the week some young man took a fancy to me. Due to the ear plugs I don't think he realized just how loud he was when he was trying to catch my attention everytime I walked past him. You gotta love being a librarian.

The weekend

2008-06-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday was PF's birthday. Since I work evenings now we did nothing to mark it. I'm not sure I would have even wished PF happy birthday if ST hadn't made a big production of wishing him a happy birthday that morning. I simply had forgotten.

But in truth I hadn't really forgotten. PF's birthday present was a weekend long contra dance. He was so happy this weekend. PF got to party, party, party. I hired a girl I know to babysit our kids on Friday and Saturday. My brother took MI to the lake with his family. It was a really nice weekend.

Last night was nice for me. PF took the DQ and ST to the party after the parties. I stayed home and slept. I also wanted to wait for MI to come home. I didn't know when my brother was coming home. I really thought someone needed to be there for her. As it turned out I was correct. MI was part of a very eventful trip. My brother and his family and my sister and her family went down to the lake. My sister on Friday night had a car accident. A car ran a red light and hit her. Unfortunately these dudes were not the nicest people in the world. They tried intimidating her. At one point they blocked her off from her car. The 911 dispatcher kept telling her to get in the car. When the police showed up there were 4 cars. These creeps continued to harass her even with the police there. Finally a cop told them to step away from the area. The cop also told her not to move from his side. The creep driving did not have insurance. The other creep kept telling her that he would vouch for the uninsured creep. Not the best reference in the world. So after that mess gets cleaned up she moves on to my brother's house. They had to move all the stuff from my sister's car because her car was over heating.

When they get down to the lake my brother collapses. He apparently does this on a regular basis. He's all weak and shaky, and he only wants my s-i-l to take care of him. There he had his huge (tall and burly) son-in-law who could have carried him to bed but instead he insisted on my 5 foot sister-in-law to drag him to bed. She told me that it apparently has something to do with his blood sugar level because he gets better after eating chocalate. I wish he would get it looked into. I mean diabetes runs in the family. Anyway, with all of this going on MI didn't get to bed until 12:30AM.

On Saturday they find out that my brother took things off the boat that shouldn't have been taken off. He also couldn't remember where he had put things. So they had to drive into the nearest town 30 minutes away to get the parts. Then they got the boat stuck in the boat house. My brother lost his glasses when he jumped in to find out what was going on.

Needless to say they didn't get the boat out until Sunday. MI got to go swimming in the lake when they pulled into a nice cove. MI kept telling me that she caught all these fish but that Poppa (what she calls my sister's husband) kept letting them go. I'm pretty sure she had fun.

A Rainy Summer Day

2008-06-09T16:39:00.001-07:00

Today it rained. It rained. And it rained.

It wasn't simple rain. There were intermittent thunderstorms. So how do you explain to children that no it's not okay to go to the pool during a thunderstorm. Or how about it's not a good idea to have your father's computer on during a thunderstorm.

So my day was spent washing clothes; I read a book; I tried to encourage the children to read; I played a couple of games of Clue.

The kids were bored. Although MI loved the fact that she could watch movies all morning and early afternoon long.

Don't think rain is going to be much of an issue this summer. I think this is going to be one of those dry, humid summers that is going to kill me.

My fear

2008-06-05T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have a deep fear of being alone.

I've never been on my own. I went from my parents house to my husbands house. I've never been tested and tried.

I guess the companion fear is "How well will I deal with being on my own?"

We have a book at our library that I purchased at the request of an adjunct. It's called, Suddenly single mom by T.J. Terry. I glanced through it when it came in to be cataloged and thought there was a lot of good information and wisdom. I think it's important to remember that this book exists, and being an academic library it isn't likely that the book will be weeded anytime.

Adj. Queen. Girl. Everyone is afraid of roaches. They are plain nasty creatures. As far as someone making you eat one... I think you've watched too much TV!

Think about it. Roaches will probably survive a nuclear holocaust. Okay. They'll mostly like come out of it "bigger and better" for it, too. ;-)

Fear factor

2008-06-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

What do you fear?

I wonder how many people will answer this question. I'll share mine if you share yours.

I'm worth more and I'm not going to settle... EVER!

2008-06-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

Of late I've been searching for myself. Oh, I don't mean it in a cliched way. I mean lately I've been seriously asking myself questions about my life. I've admitted to myself what my main problem in life is. I don't care to share that bit of information but it is something that defines who I am, and why I do the things that I do.

Because of this epiphany in my life I need to think about my life right now. I am happily married but I see where I really haven't lived my own life. I've lived a very sheltered life. I've never been on my own. In fact if I were suddenly to become single today I would still not be alone. I have my children.

Yesterday, I went to a family event that incorporated several different families (not all directly related to me). A woman who is related to my brother that I happened to go to high school with was at the party. This woman has gone through at least 2 marriages. (I think it's more but can't remember.) Between marriages she's dated men. I hate to say this so that probably means I shouldn't say it but damn I'm left with no outlet then. So here goes. These men that populate her life are not very interesting, smart, attractive or employed. Which amazes me since she is smart, attractive and interesting and employed. After meeting the new flame in her life I had to fight urges of pulling her aside and telling her I could introduce her to men that not only are intelligent they look good too. Okay. So now you know how very shallow I am. But really I'm not that much into looks. I mean I like my men smart. This guy she had with her yesterday looked like someone who would be interviewed by the media after a catastrophic event for our area. Those of you living in the South, and other areas considered back water by the rest of the country know what I mean. The media looks for those individuals who look like they are complete idiots (usually missing a couple of teeth).

So here's my real thought. After considering these men that this woman dates and sometimes end up marrying, and thinking of someone else who recently found herself widowed, and the man she ended up married to a few short months after her husband death I'm really wondering about the world out there. If I were to end up single would all I have to choose from would be dorks? If so I think that I am really grateful for my children.

Considering what I've been typing here I bet you all think that I'm being very morbid here. I'm not worried about PF dying on me. I'm just thinking about some very practical things here like... I don't want to marry again. That would not be in my financial interest. Nor do I believe it would be in the interest of my kids. However, I don't think I would rule out having a relationship with someone. But I would be very particular about that person. It definitely would be someone who had a brain in his head. He would have to believe in evolution. He would have to dance (and I don't mean gyrating to what's on the radio). He would have to have spirituality. He would have to be compassionate. He would have to have a job (something more than the local MickeyD's) In essence he would have to be a lot like my very own PF.

What makes these women turn to these men? I don't know. All I know is I am definitely not going out with the village idiot just to be going out. I am worth far more than that. If that means I never have a date then so be it. Why do I right this? So that I can come back to it if I ever need to. I want to be able to help myself out later. Maybe if these women had thought ahead to all the possibilities out there they won't settle either.

DQ's 1st Holy Communion

2008-05-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well I've been quite silent on DQ's 1st Communion. Mainly because I wasn't sure how well that day would go. I lived in silent dread.

So I can now talk about it. DQ looked lovely in her dress. I made her veil, and I am so proud of myself because it turned out lovely.

We had to get the church an hour ahead of time for pictures. I sat in our assigned pew, waiting patiently. Along comes the director of the event and tells me that I am in the wrong pew. I had forgotten to bring my sheet with me so not wanting to make a fuss I moved. Let me also explain that she had the father of the boy who was suppose to be seating behind us. (They did not show up to the rehearsal; apparently Disney World takes precedence over sacraments. [MEOW!])

Now I'm sitting in this rather short pew waiting patiently, and the wife of the man comes in and sits down behind me in the pew I just vacated. I feel a tap on my shoulder and the wife tells me I'm sitting in the wrong pew. DUH! We discuss this and I explain I was told to move. The husband reappears and tells his wife that Mary told me to move. I explained why I didn't attempt to correct Mary. But the wife continues. I finally get up and go to Mary. I tell her we have a dispute about the pew. I really used the wrong word. Anyway she tells me to move or do whatever.

So back to the pew. I explain to the family that Mary really had missed counted and I didn't want to make them move. I was rather frustrated at this point and the husband seemed rather attached to the pew, too. Well they did end up moving and we ended up moving. So that was the excitement for the day.

Anyway, DQ, was among the first young people to enter the church. She did so well. Her part in the ceremony was to help bring up the gifts. PF and I went up with DQ when she received her 1st Communion.

The ladies of the church held a reception afterwards. It was a lovely spread. The cakes were provided by a local fancy bakery. We stayed to the bitter end. I helped to clean up afterwards. In return the ladies made me take home some of the left-over cake and cookies. I was really happy for that since I was going to have a last minute dinner at my house to celebrate DQ's happy day. What a wonderful time we had.

ST's tooth story

2008-05-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

Sunday ST pulled her own tooth. I mean, she twisted it out of her gums. That's how she corrected me when I said she pulled her own tooth. Personally I hate talking/hearing anything about teeth or mouth.

Anyway ST was terribly excited about loosing this tooth. She washed it clean of blood. She showed everyone that she came in contact with her tooth. Needless to say she lost her tooth. So that evening she set about writing a note to the toothfairy.

Dear toothfairy today I lost my tooth. I was so excited I just had to show every one. But after I showed every one I lost my tooth. I looked and I looked but I could not Find my tooth anywhere. if you have any time can you look for it your friend ST.

one question. What is your name: __________________ First name and last

can I have moor than one $

Everytime I read this note it brings a smile to my face. Not only did she write a very nice letter but her questions crack me up. ST is such a cutie. I would have scanned the letter but ST used some wrapping paper to write it on. It's too large to fit on my scanner.

Three daughters' gallery

2008-04-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

To those who might be interested, I have a companion blog. This is dedicated to the art/creativity of my children. Yes, I am a proud mother but I am also a mother trying to conserve on space in her life. When this idea hit me I knew I had struck gold. Much of the children's work can now be digitized and saved. I am a happy mother now that I've come up with this idea.

So for those friends and family members dispersed throughout the country you are more than welcome to view the new blog. Please forgive me for adding those pesky letter verification things but I started to receive comment spam.

Stick horse

2008-04-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

Last week DQ brought home a parent/child assignment. A state holiday is remembered today and the 2nd grade teachers thought it would be wonderful to have the children and parents create a stick horse together.

DQ was all pumped about it. Apparently the teachers also thought it would be cool to bate the children into a contest. In other words these stick horses needed to be made not bought and then they, the teachers, were going to judge our creative abilities.

Hopefully by now most of you know that I am not an arts and crafty kinda gal. Oh, I've done an occassional counted cross-stitch. I did a needlepoint kit once. I even hooked my brother a rug once. But I am not crafty. I buy kits. Remember that I was doing a reupholstering job lately?

So over the weekend I designed a muzzle out of paper towel tubes. I taped them together. Yesterday we got together to finish the project. See the rest of the weekend was spent preparing for Passover. I finally found a recipe for potatoe kugel that I like. Why do good recipes always have to be so labor intensive? I digress. So yesterday we spent sometime looking for the muzzle.

Once I found it. I looked at it and realized that we needed something to be the head. Well I have all these pieces of foam left over from covering the seat cushions. So I balled them up and taped them on to the muzzle. Now the nose looked too flat so I bunched up a bit more foam and taped that on to the muzzle. Voila! I now had a horses head. My original idea was to cover this in construction paper but I looked at this head again and decided it was too lumpy. So wrapped it in some of the remaining batting from the seat backs. Which then led me to realize that the paper would not hold up very well. So I measure out the rest of the material that I would need to cover the cheap chairs I have. The rest I used to cover the head. We, DQ, PF and I, worked together to sew the material together. This was a very long endeavor.

I finally had to get dinner heated, and the rest of the kids back in the house, and feed the family. After dinner I get back to designing this horse head. I use black craft foam for the ears. The eyes are large, flat brownish buttons with smaller black buttons sewn on top. The nostrils are small black buttons. PF observed that the way I folded the material around the nose made adequate nostrils and the buttons were not necessary. But I had already sewn those buttons on the stupid head and I wasn't taking them off. Earlier in the evening I had made a proclamation that the horse simply wasn't going to have a mane because I didn't have any yarn that would be adequate. (I didn't think pink or purple would cut it) I felt bad about that. While I was reiterating this proclamation to PF in our bedroom my eyes fell on my scarf. It's made from that furry kind of yarn. I now had a mane!

By the time this horse came all together it was 11:00PM! I was tired. PF was tired, and DQ was asleep in bed. Actually I think it's pretty cute. It is a red clay colored horse with a dark grey mane. So we'll see how it survives the day.

Wanting to pass on Passover

2008-04-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

For the second time in 2 years Passover does not correspond with Easter. Now for many this isn't a big deal, and I suppose I really should be grateful for that fact but I'm not. I'm done celebrating things for awhile.

Perhaps it's the fact that PF is going out of town, and won't be back until the second night of Seder. Last year's Seder was a disaster. Really. My food processor broke; I forgot to put the turkey breast in the oven; I thought I was getting the kugel into the oven (that's how I found out the turkey was missing from the oven).

I'm not Jewish. I only started celebrating Passover with my dear husband back in 1993. We use to go to the Hillel for the dinners. The year we were going through infertility treatments we did a Seder for ourselves. Our dogs were made to suffer through it. At one point our Dancer dog started to make these noises that sounded like she was deep in prayer. We laugh about that still.

Since having kids I've started doing Passover meals at our house. PF is a lovely man but is quite useless in the kitchen. Oh he can cook but he drives me crazy asking me questions about how to do things. It gets to the point where I'm like, "Oh never, mind! I'll do it myself." I just wish he would do it. I don't care how it gets done but man all those questions is nerve wracking. Now my b-i-l is great! I love to cook with him. We work well together in the kitchen. He just does it. No questions asked. Okay maybe, "What do you want me to do?" but that's it.

So here's the problem. I really, really don't want to do Seder this year. PF is not going to be there to help, and with American Airlines cancelling flights I really don't think he'll make it home in time for the meal. I don't want to invite people over for dinner. I don't want to cook a large meal. I don't want to have to get the china out. I don't want to have to clean the china afterwards. I don't want to have to get all the dining room chairs finished in time for this meal. I don't want to have to clean house. I'm just not in the mood.

Would it be so terrible to pass on Passover this year?

Colors

2008-04-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl my mother's furniture were Earth-tones. The winged chairs upholstery was fairly large flowers of yellow, green, brown and gold. The couch was that aweful green of the '70s (Mainly because it was the '70s). The fabric had large loops of threads. The threads were made of some sort of synthetic material. I always enjoyed pressing the loops under my finger nails. But I hated it when I was sick or it was summer time. That material just made you swelter in the already sweltering heat of West Texas.

I hate the colors my mother chose for her livings room. I remember thinking when I was a little girl that my furniture would be pinks and other pastel colors. Well in choosing the chairs for my living room guess what color I chose? Gold! The material for the valance I bought is mostly gold toned. The material I bought for the teak chairs is a reddish brown. What in the world happened to me? Where did all the pink and pastels go to?

Okay, my reading room furniture is a purplish color but even then the arm chair and ottoman is more gold. My living room couch is a striped beast of navy, burgundy, with tiny stripes of gold and green. My "thrown" chair is green with yellow shot through it. Do you see what I mean? I've somehow taken on the golds and greens of my mother! How did that happen!?! Okay. I'm married to a man. That might have one factor towards this but really he doesn't usually care what I pick out. He trusts my judgement when it comes to things like that. Have I become my mother? Really that doesn't bother me. I like my mom; I just didn't like her Earth tone trend. I'm just going to tell myself that the color chair I picked was better than the other choice of pale olive green.

Projects of major proportions.

2008-04-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the story of stump removal it is time to share my story about the major projects going on in our house. Last year you may recall that I got the garage pretty well cleaned up. Those who know PF knows that this is a major feat. Especially since he helped and did not resist my efforts.

Well back in Jan. we sold our first house. You know the one that hadn't been lived in for the last 3 years. Of course it hadn't been on the market to sale either. My understanding is that is the only way a house will sale. I proved my point by forcing PF to put it on the market. Once he did that it only took about 9-10 months to sale. We did much better than I expected, too.

Now this is significant because we now have money to spend. We've been celebrating by making many purchases that we've been unable to afford. I bought brand new kitchen chairs. I bought cloth to re-upholster the teak dining room chairs that were really, really nasty (between time and children the wool didn't last well); also bought cloth to make a rather tasteful valance. PF bought a new Imac. The old computer that was bought back in 1998/1999 will be moved into the living room for the kids. Well we did have a computer for the kids in the living room but it's pretty much useless. It only plays 2 games. None of the games bought over the years can be played on it. Well PF measured the cabinet we had the kids' computer in and it is too small to hold the 1998 computer. So we came up with the brillant plan of buying a new desk.

At first we thought it would be for the living room but somehow the idea evolved and now PF is getting a new desk for his study and the "old" desk (It's only 3 yrs. old) is going into the living room. I loved this idea. I got to go shopping again! So the hunt began. I thought I had talked PF into this gorgeous black roll-top desk. But he did some measuring and the computer wouldn't fit well enough into it to close the top and lock it. Gone is my dream. Oh well, it was meant for PF after all, right? This shopping experience ended up taking about 3 weeks. I mean we found something that we both liked. It's a modular set. The return on the desk is shorter than the old desk's return. But PF had to keep thinking about it. We made 4 trips to the much hated store where it resides.

Finally last Friday we bought the thing. Now the problem is to get PF to clear off the old desk and much of the rest of the study to do the moving. I have managed to get him to allow me to go through several of the boxes that occupied the center of the floor. Now all those things in those boxes fit into 2 boxes. Over the last several days I've tried to start on the boxes to the left of the old "path into" the room was. I've hit resistance. PF won't let me near them. If I even get close to them his hackles raise, and he starts bristling. I back away slow making sure not to make any sudden movements. Why is this an issue for me? The stupid desk will be delivered this Friday! We are in no way ready for this delivery.

Oh! I suppose I should back up to last Friday. When we got to the store PF started his ponderings again. It was like he was trying to talk himself out of it. I lost my patience. So instead of getting mad and making a scene I walked away. The girls and I walked the store. We went all over the 2nd floor several times. Finally I redirected them back as the store was announce that the store is closing in 45 minutes. On my way back to PF I see a barrel chair; I've been looking for a barrel chair ever since my father died. The funeral home had one. It was the chair I sat in as we made arrangements for my father. It comforted me so much. It was like being cradled in someone's arms. So I sat down in the chair, and low and behold! the chair fit me just fine! It was perfect! So I went back to our sales' lady and told her that I had something I wanted to purchase. I got two of those chairs. Later after I thought about what color the chairs are I laughed but that is another story to be told another time. (Read the NeverEnding Story by Michael Ende.) I also got a cute little accent table to set between the two chairs. What to PF several weeks took me little more than 5 minutes to decide. OK. To be honest I've been looking for 4 years. Now that I think about it it's kinda funny that these chairs will be delivered to my house with the green door the week my father died four years ago.

Pray that we can get things pulled together and be ready for the momentous occassion. I have another story that is related to this but it will have to wait since I've already been so long winded here. I've lost most of my voice so I figure that is why I'm a Chatty Cathy in my posting.

Do you know who has the keys?

2008-03-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

People have been monkeying around with stuff at my work. I came back to work after Spring Break to find my office door locked. I never lock my office. I'm lazy. I don't want to have to get my keys out of my purse.

These morning my supervisor told me about the book taken from Tech Services and put in the book drop. I guess we ought to be happy that they put it in the book drop but it had not been processed.

Several months ago we rekeyed the door in response to the Virginia Tech killings. Tech Services is our "safe" room. At our meeting evaluating the safety of our buildings I had joked that the door would be locked and you would be on your own. So they discussed rekeying the door so circ staff could make it back there.

Now I'm truly wondering at our safety. Someone has the key to the door. That someone has an impish streak. All I'm saying is it is silly to think that we can provide a safe environment. I don't know who this joker is. But I think it demonstrates that our safe room isn't all that safe.

My kids

2008-03-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some cute things the kids have said over the last few days.

MI's favorite saying right now, "I want to be like God." or "I'm trying to be like God." This is funny because her behavior prior to these proclamations is less than God like. Well if you believe God is loving and kind. If your god is more like the Old Testament God full of wrath and swift punishment then I suppose MI's behavior reflects that.

ST announced yesterday that Parker thinks she is "H-O-T". He apparently chases her around the playground at recess. I think there's been some kissing going on, too. I told her to tell him to keep his lips and body to himself.

DQ. Oh my! DQ is looking more like a teenager everyday. She left the mini-van yesterday without me telling her I love her. I almost rolled the window down to call after her, "I love you." but realized that she would probably die a death of mortification. She is so into music. DQ loves RadioDisney. We have to listen to it in the mini-van. It's the only place we get a decent reception. I'm pretty sure she has a crush on Zac Efron. But hey, Mommy thinks he's a cutie, too. Love his smile!

That said, is it said when you know the lyrics to both High School Musicals? I find myself listening to RadioDisney sans children. During the middle of the day they play songs that appeal to a much younger crowd. Oh I don't know... preschoolers to toddlers. I have a song running through my head lately from this time period. It is pretty catchy and fun. Oh well, I've always been a kid at heart. "The window, the window... you toss it out the window."

Spit shines

2008-03-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

I went through my childhood getting spit shines from my mother. I apparently was a messy child. My mom even made up a song that rhymed and everything about me having a dirty face. I knew when I was really dirty because my mom would whip out a kleenex; wet it down with saliva and go after me.

Did I pass this down to my children? Not so much. I kinda like seeing my children run around with messy faces. But there have been occassions where I've licked my finger and went after a smudge or two. My children think it's kinda gross. They sometimes resist mightily. That thought never crossed my mind as a child. Maybe I knew resistance was futile.

Anyway I've found a picture with a caption I love to go with this post.

MI and my struggle with her

2008-03-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

I think we've all heard the phrase "You're driving me to drink..." Well I'm trying to lose weight. I can't say that I've done the best of jobs but I have lost 5 pounds. But I think I'm going to end up gaining it all back due to my sweet MI.

That child is driving me to eat. I want to reward myself for not killing her, or even hitting this morning. Right now I'm hankering after a cup of java with chocolate and cream heaped on to it. This really pisses me off since I am no longer tipping the scales at 200 lbs. I'm down to 193 and I want to keep going but this child is really challenging me.

I have a question, "What the hell is apple pan dowdy?" I know I won't want to eat it because I'm sure it's cooked apples and I hate cooked apples.

I still plan on going and getting that cup of coffee but I won't have anything else today that will jeopardize my weight loss. Oh, are you curious about my goal. I want to get down to 140. So my goal isn't all that crazy. At 140 I wear a size 12.

My Grandma.

2008-02-27T13:23:00.000-08:00

Grandmas. I was remembering my paternal grandmother. She had 5 children. My grandmother was a fascinating old lady. She lived a hard life but then she wasn't all that much different from so many others.

Grandma was born at the turn of the last century. Her own mother had quite the life, too. In fact much of it is veiled and hidden. No one knows why my Mama was sent to Ohio but the rumour suggests an out of wedlock child. Mama married a man who was rather difficult to get along with much of the time. He had been married once before and his wife died. I don't know why. All I know is once Tom, Mama's husband, died Mama took her 2 girls to Church and had them baptized Catholic. Mama never got remarried.

My grandma went to school. In the 8th grade she played basketball. I mean she was on her school's basketball team. I remember seeing a picture of these young women dressed in short skirts (short being at the knee) most had their hair bobbed. It wasn't quite the roaring twenties yet but a short hair cut was in fashion. I can't remember if my grandmother finished high school or not. I do know that she spent most of her life working.

At some point she met my grandfather and married him. My grandfather was a hard working man but he was also a hard playing man. I don't think my grandfather spent a whole lot of time with his family. He was a safety man for the steel mills. In the end that would lead him to his death. Buck was also a volunteer fire fighter. I imagine he was one of those men-- Strong, diligent, a bit of a dare devil perhaps a warrior without a war to fight. Except he did find that too.

What I mean is he was one of the many brave men who stood up to big business and demanded rights. My grandfather was a Union man. He took that seriously. Once my father wanted to join the National Guard and my grandfather won't let him. When my father asked why, my grandfather replied, "When the strike hits I don't want to be looking down the barrel and seeing my son. I don't want to have to kill you; or be killed by you." In the town my family grew up in strikes were very serious; in the late eighties I was visiting, and I went to a grocery store. I couldn't find what I was looking for so I asked the girl in the store about the item. She told me that this other store had it but advised me strongly to forget about it since the store was being striked. I kidded you not the girl told me to cross that line would be risking my own life. "It's a Union town here.", she said with pride.

So you see my grandfather was a busy man. And when he wasn't busy with business. He was busy drinking. There was a bar on Brownsville Road where he spent his time with the other volunteer fire fighters. It was near the fire station. It was still there when my grandmother showed it to me in the 80s. And men that were use to doing hard labor were still visiting it. It was like some sort of brotherhood.

What ended my grandfather's working life was a fall on to a vat. The weird thing about this accident was the vat had just had the lid put on it. If my grandfather had slipped a few seconds earlier he would have died out right. Shortly after that my grandfather started to act weird. Oh there wasn't anything seriously wrong at first. He would wander off. No one would know where. Then he stopped bringing home his checks. I'm not sure what was exactly the last straw but my grandfather ended up in the state hospital. He was committed and that meant my grandmother had to find work. She had been working all along but now she need serious money. My own father went to work at the young age of 7. He worked in a Jewish deli. But that's another story.

What this all boils down to is in the end my grandmother went back to school in her mid-40s to become a LPN. I remember the graduating class picture. There are all these fresh young faces in ovals. Then you see this picture of a mature woman with snowy white hair. I think she was so courageous.

One thing I've been told is that I have her walk. My mother says that my grandmother had a very clipped determined walk. She wasn't a tall woman but she got places very quickly. She just kept on walking. Determined. Yes, she was a determined woman. She wanted things her way but she wasn't ugly about it. At least I never saw it. There are those who would say that she could be very ugly but I can't help wonder if there is some sour grapes to those memories. Yes she was a fascinating old lady. She learned to drive a car at 50 years old. Courageous and fascinating.

Future business intern

2008-02-19T08:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, Little Blonde bitch, you may have an internship up your sleeve. You may be hot stuff in someone's point of view but to me you are nothing but a rude little shit. I have many fond wishes in your future business experiences. Most of all I hope someone comes down on you with hob-nailed shoes, and knocks you down a peg or two.

All I was trying to do was help you. Your communication skills suck. Next time you come in to the library (without the title) don't expect the librarian to be able to read your mind. Walking in and saying you have an internship and you need to watch the videos for it doesn't help much. You assume too much. First of all I don't know what kind of freaking intern you are going to be. Is it medical? What? And definitely when the nice lady at the reference desk starts to ask questions don't cop an attitude and get all huffy with her. It doesn't make her feel inclined to help you. (She does because it's her job but she's really itching to tell you to fuck off.)

In fact the nice lady behind the desk continues to help you even though you've gone off. When you come back to her it's not very good to continue the attitude especially when you want more help! I'm not asking for grovelling behavior but a more approachable attitude would be nice.

All I want for Valentine's Day

2008-02-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

Well most women want some sort of metal for Valentine's. Okay, precious metal with a stone attached. This year I wanted the metal in my scalp out of my head. It was also the day that our drive way got fixed. You know we don't want any unwanted drive ways lying around. :-0

Seriously, our house was suffering from drive way thrust. Our house is down hill from our drive way. The cheap builder only put in a tar joint at the apron of the drive. Well the physics in play here it anytime someone approached the house and applied the brakes on their vehicle caused the drive to smash into the house. Eventually over time the house would have been knocked off the stem walls and foundation. This is much worse than foundation sagging. Luckily we caught it in time so we don't have that kind of damage. We now are proud owners of a drive way wiht 2 expansion joints-- one on the approach on the other at the apron. There are approximately 4 strips of rubber in the cut they made in the concrete. They went all the way down to the sand bed of drive.

This project took longer for them to complete than they expected because our drive was thicker than normal. They could only go so far with the nifty concrete saw. The rest of the way they had to hand chisel it out.

So this messed up my plans. I wanted to go in the early afternoon to get my staples out. Instead I got to the urgent care place around 5:30. I got them out. It didn't hurt as bad as I was expecting. The good thing was PF and I got to eat at the Indian restaurant that we like. So we did have a Valentines date after all. We weren't planning on one. So it was a nice surprise.

The story of the wannabe unicorn; or how I confused myself with a rhinoceroes

2008-02-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

Last week I worked a lot of hours. I had over 30 hours in last week. This week I was suppose to have over 30 hours of work in, too. Well ST got the flu over the weekend. So that shot my 10 hour day.

See Monday I was going to work for 6 hours during the day and return at night and work another 4 hours. In the break I was going to pick up the girls from school and cart them to their various after school activities. Then I was going to high tail it to work.

Well, it didn't happened. In fact I ended up spending money on Monday. I had to take ST to the doctor because she looked horrible. So the 6 hours was gone. I dropped her off with my mother who was waiting to pick-up MI. I went and picked up DQ. Took her to ballet. We were late. I had stopped and got DQ an Icy from 7-11. My mistake.

Needless to say it was my mistake, too when I bent down carelessly to put her Icy in the cubby DQ had chosen. On my descent down I felt an excursiating pain on my head. I quietly muttered a damn it. And then I heard the teenage girl who assists the teacher remark, "That looked like it hurt." At this point I removed my hand from my head and realized that I was bleeding. Suddenly blood was coursing down my face. It was getting in my eyes, down my nose. I couldn't believe it. I've hit my head before but I've never had a cut on my head. I knew that head wounds bleed a lot. I knew I needed to get paper towels to stop the flow but the bathroom was locked. I went to the owner and asked if she had some paper towels. To say that she blanched when she looked at me would be an understatement. Her eyes widened to the point where I thought they were going to pop out of her head. Oh have I mentioned that I was crying? I couldn't believe it. I'm not one to cry when I get hurt but I was crying. I felt so ashamed of myself because I was crying which then only made me cry more. Go figure.

Anyway, Summer, one of the teachers, comes in and looks at my head. She told me I needed to go to the ER for some stitches. I told her that head wounds bleed profusely and I doubt that I need any medical attention. Summer really looked perplexed. She told me that it was a very large gash on my head. Summer got the phone and wanted to call PF. Faced with that phone I realized I couldn't remember his work number or his cell number. It took me a couple of attempts to get it right. Summer informs PF that I was okay and that I didn't lose consciousness. I'm standing there thinking OH MY GOD that is not the way to start this conversation. I get the phone and told PF that I'm taking myself to the urgent care facility about a mile and one half up the road. He said he would meet me there.

Now I realize that I will need to call work. I call and tell my co-worker that I was in need of medical attention. Okay. Got that covered. Now I must get into my mother's car and drive myself to the urgent care place.

When I get there I find out that I have never gone to the urgent care place for myself. I've taken my children and my husband but never myself. So I have to fill out their paper work. Now I'm crying and bleeding everywhere and I have to fill out this stupid form. I'm thinking I need to try not to touch too many things so they don't have to clean up too much stuff. You know bloodborne pathogens and all. I try to fill this form out. I didn't do a good job. In fact I couldn't answer many of the questions. I mean do you have your significant others SSN memorized? I don't. I got called to the window again. They asked about PF's SSN and birthdate. I told her that I didn't know the SSN and couldn't find my cheat sheet in my purse. I told her that PF's birthday was 9/30/68 which is my birthdate. She said cool how we share a birthday. I look at her completely confused. I told her that PF and I don't share a birthdate. That's when she looks at me. And she says, "Oh my your nose is bleeding! Do you need some assistance?" DUH! I told her that I didn't have a bloody nose but that my blood was coursing over my face from a head wound.

Finally I get called in for my vitals. The nurse asked me to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. Ten being the most painful. I thought for a second to be a hero but changed my mind. I told her that it was most definitely a 10+. I was taken immediately back. I sat in a room where they used it as a store room and an examining room for minor surgeries. I guess I was going to have minor surgery. They asked me all kinds of health questions. It's only now that I realized I forgot to tell them that I am an asmatic. While I'm waiting PF finally makes his way in to the room. I heard who ever was guiding him. She was a little confused about where they had put me. Hmmmmmmm. Comforting huh?

Well the doctor came in shortly afterwards and starts giving me a thorough examination. He gets to the part where they look up your nasal passages. Guess where the numskull put his hand?!-- on top of my head! I started crying and whimpering again. He's all like, "What did I do?" I point to the top of my head. And he's like "OHHHHH! That's why your here. That's a nasty gash. How you do that?" So he gets to work on me. I have 7 staples in my head.

For the last 3 days I've been a little loopy. I've done some irrational things that scared me. I've gotten things mixed up. So I'm guessing that I was a bit concussed on top of the gash on my head. The first day I was nauseous. I haven't had much of an appetite. But I think I'm on the mend. I can say things now and make sense. This morning I washed my hair for the first time in about a week. I went into this needing a shampoo. I didn't do the best of jobs on it for there is still the ointment that they put on the gash there but I look decent once again.

Oh wait! I've forgotten to explain the title. My boss called me up yesterday telling me I needed to come up with a good story. So this morning I realized what it was going to be. ST had an unicorn theme birthday party. My story: I tried grafting a horn onto my head and it didn't take. But I'll have a scar to show for my trouble. PF said that I took on my role a rhinoceros too seriously.

Sherman Alexie

2008-01-31T14:55:00.000-08:00

I'm reading Sherman Alexie's newest novel. It is a YA novel called The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian. It is really a great read. If you're white and easily get offended by how miniorities see you then you probably don't want to read it. It is a book about race. Plain and simple.

I live in a state where African-Americans are treated better than the Native American people are. In fact in the Western part of the state if you are Native American and end up in a life threatening car accident forget about getting medical emergency help. Those folks will stand there and watch you die.

I know this to be true because when I dated a Native American boy in high school people went around telling my parents the biggest lies about him. Said he was some sort of druggie dude. I can vouch for him. He never did drugs. Alcohol was his choice but he wasn't any different from any other guy in our high school. By the way this guy wasn't from one of the 5 Tribes. The 5 Tribes people aren't looked down on as much as the Apache, Commanche, etc. This guy was an Apache.

Anyway, this book is a hoot! Junior is a 14 year old boy who ends up leaving the reservation to go to school in the white town. Actually he doesn't really leave the "rez", he just goes to school in town. His community sees this as an act of treason.

Sherman Alexie captures the Native American humor well. I first got interested in Alexie when I had to do original cataloging of video the college did of his visit. He is an entertaining speaker. I immediately checked out our copy of Smoke Signals and took it home to watch. This is one of the movies that lives in PF and my imagination. We alluded to it for months after watching it. When we took a trip to New Mexico we found ourselves saying, "Hey! Victor."

My experience is racism against Native Americans is far more accepted than racism against African Americans, Hispanics or Asians. Maybe it just matters about what part of the country you live in but I've seen things that aren't right. I know about more injustices perpetrated on the Native Americans than on any miniority. Our federal government thinks nothing of going in to reservations and eliminating the sources of income the Native people develop for themselves. During the '60s the Federal Marshalls exteriminated the sheep herds of the Navajos. Before Guantanamo we had political prisoners. In fact every time this particular person comes up for parole the parole hearing is denied. This is Native American man accused of killing an FBI agent in North Dakota. The courts were never able to prove that he killed the FBI agent but the government refuses give the man his freedom. It seems to me that as soon as the Native Americans become successful at something the US government steps in and throws a wrench into the works. You don't hear about these things. They don't make the 6 o'clock news or even the 10 o'clock news. Wanna read some good history on Native Americans and their treatment by the U.S. government? Read Angie Deboe's books. Here is something to think about Angie Deboe was denied her PhD. Why? Because she stood up against the treatment of Native Americans.

So if you read this book by Alexie and get offended by the things that are said in the book. Stop. Think. Read some history. The plight of the Native American is at our door step just as much as the plight of the African American peoples is. Our forefathers were rather good at creating situations that modelled what happened in Ireland. In fact one can say that Ireland was the prototype of the subjegation of people all over the world. The British just prefected it in other places.

2008-01-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

Sickness abounds in our house lately. MI suffered a horrible head cold all weekend long. She continues have problems with her nose. Sometimes her head gets so congested that I know she has to be in agony. She's been a real trooper through all of this. Although, she did bite another child at school yesterday. DQ has had a cold too. Her's brought on a bit of larygnitis. It was fun to listen to her as she tried to talk. Oddly enough ST hasn't had anything abnormal. Just the normal allergy stuff.

Now PF is down. He's at home today. He's dizzy. I forgot to get the bed table out for him. I didn't want him walking around since he resembles a pin ball bouncing off the bumpers. I'm worried he's going to end up tilting.

Wondering about me? Well, I feel okay. As long as I don't bend down or roll over while laying down. It feels like it did when I had BPV. So I'm sure I'm having an inner ear issue. I'm just not sure whether it is caused by a virus or if it is BPV. If it is BPV it will last way to long and get progressively worse. Luckily if that happens I know what I will need to do, and I won't need to spend money at the doctor's office.

Another thing that is new is ST is getting an appliance to try to break the thumb sucking habit. The issue here is that her thumb is preventing her big teeth to come in properly. If we can break the habit then the teeth will come in well and perhaps we won't need to get her braces. I weighed the situation and decided it was worth a try. So ST has been going to the orthodontist for the last 2 weeks. Yesterday they made a mold of her mouth.

ST's appointment was too early to get DQ out of school, too. I spent the morning yesterday trying to figure out what to do with DQ. I finally decided to take advantage of the school's transportation system. DQ road the bus home. I'm now realizing I never got my house keyes back from her. I hope they are in the house or somewhere else that is safe. DQ felt so special riding the bus home from school. ST was so out of sorts about not getting to ride the bus home from school. I kept telling her that her time would come. Although I don't feel very comfortable about giving her the house keyes. I'm afraid she would loose them because she would keep showing them to the other kids. ST is such a flighty little thing.

The unimbraceable hugger

2008-01-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

Hip huggers! When are they going to go away? I am so tired of looking at young women's midriff's hanging over these low riding pants. Have you noticed, too, that the back end of these pants makes these young women' bottoms look flat and unshapely? Backpockets hang so low that they kinda look like they are all carrying a load.

Really when will the style change? Even Britney Spears no longer looks good in hip huggers. I saw that Britney is going to try and add more cute mistakes to this world. If that's the case then here's my advise Britney... go with the natural waist style pants because you are just a bit too soft these days to pull off the hip huggers. Plus, your plan to have more kids is only going to ruin your figure more so I hope you've prepared yourself for more mean comments from the media.

To be enlightened

2008-01-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

After being on the market for approximately 8 to 9 months our house out by the lake sold. Anyone who's sold/bought a house knows there were snafus and snags. An inspection of the house proved that the house needed to be lifted a bit. The oven stopped working sometime during the last 3 years. But overall the house was in good condition. Once we figured out how to fix those issues so we could close relatively quickly the process went pretty smoothly.

We did get pretty close to the asking price. I was just gratefull that PF accepted the bid without any haggling. I remember the night that PF handed me the contract. We were in a restuarant. I jumped up and did a dance. People looked up from their meals to watch me. I didn't care. I was just so happy.

Now we have money. We no longer look at every purchase and wonder if it is essential to our living. Now we can go into Quiznos and get the kids a bag of chips and a drink and buy a children's meal at the competition next door. I've got big plans for that money that we spent on the morgtage. We are going to start saving for the kids education. We aren't going to have a seperate account for each of them. It's all going to go into one account. It will be our money-- not their's.

I'm also going to go out shopping for kitchen chairs, material to recover the dining room chairs and to make a valance for the dining room window. Our other expense we plan to do is put in a fence. I'm tired of the neighbor's dog's poop in our yard.

I feel lighter than I have for years. And I know that PF does to.

How's this for crazy

2008-01-03T06:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I could not go to sleep. I laid in bed awake. My thoughts were running wild. I worried about my children. I worried about my house that we are trying to sell so we won't be bankrupt in 2008. I thought about those two baby boys in China. Can you believe it? I really, really thought about applying to adopt one of them. I mean these guys need a family, don't they? DQ needs someone in the family that looks like her in some way. (Last night she was upset. She finally realized that my hair color is not black but dark brown. Her words were, "Now I don't look like anyone in the family!")

As I laid awake, I thought about Adj. Queen. While I worked closely beside her low those many years ago and listened to her complain about her lack of sleep I often did not appreciate her the Cross she bore. Now I am TOTALLY sympathetic. Or is that empathetic? I walk in her shoes. It is horrible to lay in bed while your so lays there softly snoring, totally oblivious to the situation you are enduring. In fact PF started to have a nightmare. So I started to rub his belly and whisper that it's okay. PF awakes and apologizes for waking me. I told him not to worry. I was already awake and hadn't slept a wink yet.

This was a couple of hours after we had turned out the light. Here's something to giggle about. I don't know if you'll remember that I had a nightmare where I was screamming really, really loudly after watching the movie, Cars. Well PF had watched Dogs and Cats with the kids recently. His dream was inspired by something in that movie. I told him we really needed to stop watching these children's movies since we keep getting these nightmares. That got us to laughing pretty hard considering it had to be about 1:00 AM.

Well after the belly laugh PF falls quickly asleep again. I'm beginning to think he suffers from narcolepsy. Depending on how tired PF is he can fall asleep in the middle of talking to you. I'm serious. One minute he's saying, "Let's go buy..." You never know what it was he wanted to buy. The man is asleep. I digress. When PF falls back to sleep I continue to lay there waiting for the blessed event to happen to me. It finally does but I don't know how or why because my brain continue to go around and around. And I went back to thinking about adding to the family. I'm going to have to research about those tumors.

Love without boundaries

2008-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

I have thousands of children that I love. I've never met them and probably never will. However, I am connected to them because my eldest daughter is their sister through their shared life experience.

I just wanted to do something for these kiddoes. Right now Facebook has a competion going on for charities. Love without Boundaries is in the lead. I would like for themm to win. I'm going to do my part but I wanted to do more. Back in the beginning of December Love without Boundaries had to close down their emergency response because they had run out of money in their general funds. They could no longer respond to the urgent needs of babies abandoned with major health problems. On Christmas morning the director found out about two baby boys with similiar medical issues that required IMMEDIATE medical attention. They had tumors on their backs that had ruptured. Without immediate surgery those two boys would die; the orphanages did not have the means to provide the medical care so they asked Love without Boundaries to help. I know the director of LWB personally and I have a feeling that she took her own personal money to help these two boys.

So if you want a chance to start the New Year out doing a good thing please check out: Facebook Challenge

If you are worried about how much of the money goes to the children they serve I can tell you that they only have a 3% overhead because the board of directors and the founder are all volunteers. Should they win this competition they will have the funds to help emergency cases again. I'm going to link their blog to mine so if you would like to read more you can.

So many very different things.

2007-12-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

Adj. Queen you wanted a Thanksgiving story. Well it didn't happen did it? But the following weekend we had a family birthday party. I got to eat at the big people table this time. Now I have something to share-- I watched my big brother scoop a huge portion of food into his mouth, not realizing that it was piping hot. The next thing I know is he is leaning over to his wife who promptly blows into his mouth! I was completely shocked and grossed out. I mean this apparently was not the first time they've done this. I mean, it was obiviously a practiced movement.

My next bit of news is a new hypothesis, I think PF works so late because he doesn't want to get too close to the children. He doesn't want us to get too use to his presence at home. I think he worries about dying and leaving us a lone. What I mean is. The girls and I have dinner alone so much these days that it seems like we are the core family memembers. Of course when I shared this idea with my mother and my sister they both said he's a workaholic.

MI has a Christmas program tonight. She is really excited about it and is worried that we will miss it. Yesterday MI told me that fathers couldn't come to the program because they don't clap very well.

We are under winter weather right now. We lost power Monday around 9:45 AM. We played games; did some crafts; and read books. We have gas fireplace so we turned it on and stayed in the living room most of the day. Sister Sister called and asked for a ride to the rental place because a tree fell on her car. My sister, I don't get mad/I get even, had a branch glance off her car removing the side mirror and small ripple dents. PF and I measured our bed and then went out to the sofa and measured it. The bed there was wide enough so we planned to spend the night in front of the fireplace with all 5 of us in bed.

What actually happened was the girls and I slept on the pull out bed and PF slept on the floor. It was a challenging night because the electricity came back on at 6:45 PM Monday night the girls were all bummed out because they wanted to spend the night sleeping on the bed in the living room. So we did because we didn't know if the electricity would go out again.

Tuesday school was still out. The pull-out bed remained pulled out. The girls and I watched movies from late morning into the evening. In the morning we played games. I had held back a game from the girls. I brought that out when it looked like they were going to forget that they are sisters. The name of the game is Mr. Mouth. Well it was a lot of fun. It challenged the girls, and I explained the concept of trajectory to them. Fun and educational. Huh? MI got frustrated and spent her time throwing the flies into the mouth by hand. (And not the hand on the game).

By Wednesday I was sure the girls were ready to go back to school. I was so relieved when their schools were opened and they could go to school and I could go to work. Don't get me wrong the girls were very well behaved during this time I just don't think Wednesday would have gone as well as the last 2 days had.

All I want for Christmas

2007-11-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

ST lost her other front tooth on Monday. I was so proud of her. Why? Because she pulled her own tooth!

ST was so excited when I picked her up at school Monday. She told me that she went to the bathroom and pulled her own tooth. I have to report that she looks adorable sans the 2 big front teeth.

It was funny how quickly that tooth got loose. She went around for days with that snaggly tooth look. I swear that there were times when I thought that tooth was swinging back and forth. That's when I would check it. It was hanging on by a thread but not really so loose as to be moving by itself. DQ's other big tooth is still firmly in place. It is slightly wiggly but I don't think she'll be able to sing, "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth". Despite the fact that one of her teeth is missing DQ's face continues to look like an older girl.

ST has lost more teeth at school than DQ. MI is beginning to get a bit jealous. I saw the look come across her face. MI gets so frustrated because things do happen to her like they happen to her sisters. I really feel for her because she's right. She's not that much younger than her sisters. But a couple of years still makes a difference at this time in their life.

The Anti-American Woman

2007-11-26T08:17:00.001-08:00

I am not a red blooded American woman. I realized this truth the day after Thanksgiving when I called a couple of women I know that have Pamper Chef contacts. Neither of them were at home. No they were out shopping. They were contributing to the well being of our economy.

Where was I? I was at home doing nothing. I watched some movies with my dear little girls. I let them play computer games on my laptop. I played with my children. I talked with them. I even read a book. I read books to my children, too. My Saturday was much the same. We never left the house once. PF did. Both Friday and Saturday PF got out of the house. He tried to take a child with him but none of them were having it. Sunday we went to Church. I took the girls down to the barn and we played upstairs. We threw balls around. We danced. The girls built themselves a cool house out of these foam mats. Never imagined that as a possibility. Quite frankly I am rather proud of their ingenuity.

Adjective Queen wanted a Thanksgiving story. Well our Thanksgiving was remarkably uneventful. No one got on anyones nerves. OK. DQ was totally pissed off with the Macy's parade. They kept advertising High School Musical. She just knew they were going to do a number from the movie. All they had were Corbin Bleu and Ashley Tisdale singing on floats that had nothing to do with HSM. So there's DQ first lesson as a consumer.

But anyway here's what happened: my sister hosted the dinner. I got at least 10 phone calls leading up to the day. On one phone call she confesses that she has 27 people coming for dinner. So PF and I start counting heads in the family. We only have 21 people in the extend local family. So obviously she's got some guests coming. Knowing that there is a lot on her table I get to her house early to help out. My dear b-i-l, Tex drives me crazy harassing me about knocking the table where the rolls are rising. Tex also attempts to get me pickled early but I resist. And I do not drink anything all evening so perhaps that is why the night was so uneventful.

So I guess you can sum up my Thanksgiving weekend as a boat floating calmly in the waters. I didn't even brave the crush of people out shopping for their Christmas goods. Luckily I am almost done. I got Tex and my niece's husband's name to shop for Christmas presents. Otherwise I'm good to go. Actually it was because I got Tex's name that I discovered that I am not a normal American woman. And yes folks I know that I am never normal.

It's been a while

2007-11-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Nothing very extraordinary has happened of late. For those that remember DQ's puppy love from last year and would like a report-- it's over. She's found a new love. He is of Asian descent. It was rather cute because I asked her if she still liked the boy down the street. No it was "Matthew". He is Vietnamese but he can't talk Vietnamese. I thought it was rather cute that she felt compelled to report that he doesn't speak the language. DQ goes to Chinese school to learn Chinese every Saturday morning. She is doing very well. As is MI. The teacher reports that MI does very well for being an Anglo child. I laugh because I know that MI thinks she is Chinese. I'm living in dread for when she tells someone who is Chinese that she is Chinese. What are they going to think? I've tried to correct her but she will have none of it. MI believes and knows deep down inside herself that she is Chinese. Go figure.

Anyway, the other bit of news in our life is that ST is anxious about next year. Apparently 3rd graders do not have the same lunch and recess time as the 1st and 2nd graders. ST doesn't want to have DQ go on to 3rd grade because she feels abandoned. ST wants to have her sister with her during the 1st few weeks of school to play with and hang around. ST talks about this everyday know for the last couple of weeks. I am now beginning to wonder if I should call the school counselor to ask for help with this issue. I mean yesterday, ST asked DQ to flunk 2nd grade! So is it time to intervene?

Besides MI thinking she is Chinese MI is looking forward to when she is in school with her sisters. I hope that I can get into the school in time to get her enrolled in the all day kindergarten; otherwise, MI might as well get use to the idea of Catholic school for one more year. Maybe that is something that will help ST out. ST will be a 2nd grader next year and they use the 2nd graders to help the all day kindergarteners figure out how to get back to class after recess. Yep. I definitely need to talk to the school.

Jesus' kisses

2007-10-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

On Sunday as MI dipped her hand into the holy water font she turns to me and asks whether they (the water) are Jesus's kisses.

Gee. I thought that was one of the cutest things in the world. Better than when her two sisters down my supply of holy water like it was some sort of fantastic potable. Not sure how the Church rules on drinking holy water.

That's it. I have nothing else.

And the drama continues

2007-10-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to the library to hear a local children's author speak about his work. DQ asked if she could sit with her friend. I said sure. I then led my little tribe down to the first row so MI could see the screen without a big person in front of her.

Now this man is a very good storyteller beyond being a good author. He was a very engaging speaker. I really didn't want to miss a bit of it. Unfortunately right in the middle of his talk DQ comes up to me. There she was with a bloody mouth. That snaggly front tooth finally was ready to come out. I got up and took her to the bathroom where I pulled the tooth and cleaned her up.

After the talk I went up to DQ and told her how angry I was at her for loosing her tooth. I told her that we had pictures to take on Sunday. I had told her at some point to hang on and not let the tooth fall out until the pictures were taken. Poor thing. I'm either a very good actor or just a regular abusive mother because the poor thing thought I really was angry. I had to assure her that I was only teasing and joking with her.

Now let's fast forward to after we get the kids into bed. PF and I had some words with one another that might be lie the fact that we are truly happily married. I swear he is just as sensitive as I am. I was only reporting what other people thought when they find out we still have a house that we haven't lived in for 3 years. PF then acted all miffed and put-out. He did a real good martyr act. He used phrases like, "I never do anything right. I can't please anyone." Okay. So now you might understand why I got ready for bed as fast as I did. I read myself into drowsiness. I turned the lights off and went to sleep.

Unfortunately the God of sleep thought that I was sleeping too well. Why break a good run with one night of perfect sleep? I was awakened by a knock on the door. ST was out there. She had had a nightmare. I walk her back to her room and lay down with her. Now I am suddenly wide awake because I realize that I haven't put the money under the pillow. I go back to our room and ask PF if he as a dollar. Then I remember my piggy bank in the bathroom. It's where I put all the money I find in the pockets when doing the laundry. I have a perfect dollar. I fold it up and go back to the girls' room.

Now I'm wondering how I will get the dollar under the pillow without ST seeing me doing it. The only way to do it is to wait for her to go to sleep. Seems simple enough in theory. The only problem is ST has programmed herself to awake at the shifting weight of the bed. I lay there in bed worried that I will fall asleep and not do the deed. Then I worry about what I would say to explain the toothfairy failure to show up. Why I'm wondering are we doing this to ourselves. I know the answer is I want my children to have a sense of magic for as long as possible before they turn into the jaded youth of today.

Soon I think I can feel ST relaxing and breathing regularly. I slowly edge away from her. Then I get out of bed. Yep. The little stinker turns to me. She puckers up, and I lean in for a kiss. Then I turn to DQ's bed. I cover her up. Guess what? That stinker wakes and asks me to sleep with her. So I slip into bed. As I make myself comfortable I slip the dollar bill under the pillow. You know I'm wide awake now. So I realize that I can't leave the tooth under the pillow. So I think about what I could tell her about why the toothfairy didn't take it. Of course none of the explanations are going to work. So I dig around and find the nifty little 4H club tooth pillow designed to hold the tooth. I find it but the tooth won't come out peacefully. No it's giving a good fight. Suddenly I become aware that there is movement in the other bed. ST is awake. Now I have no idea whether she realized what I was doing. I hope not.

What an eventful night. This was definitely one of those stories one must preserve. To all of us toothfairies out there, "Good luck and good night."

Drama Queen

2007-10-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh folks. Drama Queen is a wreck. I mean it. This morning she spent some time dancing around the kitchen. I had watched her. But then I turned around to stuff the dishwasher. Suddenly I hear this huge loud clunck that reverberated through the whole house.

Drama Queen in all her enthusiasm for the dance must have lost her balance and knocked her head on the door jamb. I knew she had to have the biggest headache. I mean this child is lucky she did not knock herself out with that little stunt.

On my drive to work this morning. I wondered what happened to my graceful little girl. Instead of the beautiful, flowing arm movements DQ slings her arms and her legs around. Inhibition has set in on this child. It makes her stiff. How did this happen? When did she become aware of others. Why? Why is she not graceful anymore? Why do I cringe watching her dance? Now. Now, I must worry about her flinging herself into solid objects. Is she going to be the one who is going to be the walking wounded one?

To top off all this DQ is becoming the most emotional girl in the world. I may run off to a nunnery to survive her coming of age.

Physical world vs. Cyber world

2007-10-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

I've been reading blogs by others in my profession. After this reading I have to say that the thought of dropping out of society seems more attractive than ever. I am a dinosaur. I'm not sure that there is any place for me in this changing world.

I don't want to be plugged in and tuned in. I don't want to have a network of friends that I only interact with through a computer interface.

This makes me think that those people who embrace this "cyber reality" because I just read today that they believe that the cyber world is more real than the physical world, are really being sucked into the beast. For those that don't live in the Bible belt world. The beast is satan. Folks around here believe that those that aren't saved will be marked by the sign of the beast. Years ago I had to suffer hearing about how the UPS symbols on products is the mark of the beast.

I'm a vilifying the Internet? No not really. I'm vilifying the social networking software. I do not have a My Space page; a Face page or any of the multitudes of social networking. This blog comes the closest to this function in my life. I communicate to those I love dearly but am seperated by land. I also have some friends who are in the area that read it. Actual I can only think of 2 that meet that criteria.

Here's my common thread in my blog. People are getting so tied up with these cyber worlds that they are unable to see; interact; function in the physical world. People no longer use their manners. Parents aren't teaching manners. I'm seeing an irony here that I've noted before. How are all these people going to know that the person they were just extremely rude to wasn't the very same person they were "connecting with" just a few minutes ago.

Somehow the nunnery just sounds better and better. Give me peace and quiet. Give me solitude.

Miss Independence

2007-10-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that MI talks with a Jewish accent? I remember when she was going through the babbling stage. MI made a lot of German type sounds. Sounds like iech, shin were her favorites. Perhaps I am the cause of her pronounciation? I always thought it was cute to hear the iech coming from her. So I would iech right back. MI uses a lot of oy's in her speech, too. Turkey sounds like toykey. Thoysty for thirsty.

Well last night we were working thourgh the project bag the preschool sent home with her yesterday. They were shapes. Little plastic shapes that you use to create other shapes. Essentially they are math manipulatives. While we worked MI kept saying, "I need a whombus." We all thought that was pretty cute. Passionfruit asked her where she heard that. Passionfruit explained what whombus meant to DQ and ST.

After a while I get the instructions out of the bag to find out what we need to be doing with these things. That's when I realize that MI wasn't saying whombus. She was saying rhombus. Rhombus is a diamond shape. I don't know if I ever knew that. Anyway, I tell PF that MI is saying rhombus not whombus. We both laugh for a while.

Yesterday evening was a very nice evening. ST and MI were pretty wild but they weren't fighting with one another. We had a really nice time with each other. So we spent our 13th wedding anniversary with our children. It was a nice quiet evening. It was cold and wet outside but it was warm and loving inside our house.

Big Undertakings

2007-10-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

Last night Passionfruit and I watched a very, very funny movie. Undertaking Betty is it's name. YES! Folks, I remembered the name of the movie! It got us laughing. We laughed so hard and so long. We even ended up remembering the many funny things that happened to us during our life together.

See we were getting ready for bed. We were laughing. We couldn't do some things like take our meds because of the laughter. Brushing our teeth, laughing and trying to talk about the movie got us both thinking about the time when I was brushing my teeth. Passionfruit asked me a question and I tried to answer. Well I don't know how I did it, and I've never been able to reproduce the sound but I made a noise that sounded like Chew Bokah on Star Wars. More laughter. Thus began the reminiscing.

Which of course only led to more laughter. See our first year of marriage was pretty funny. I've talked in the past about how finky Passionfruit can be about somethings. Cleaning the lint tray of the dryer is one of them. I was young and in love. I wanted to be a good wife. So I did my best at cleaning the lint tray and trap. I frequently used rubber scrappers as tongs to get clumps of lint out of the lint trap. One time I lost one down there. My hands were too wide to get down there so I tried getting another scrapper to dig it out. Well finally after loosing that one down the trap I finally managed to get one up to where someone could grab it. Unfortunately I didn't have a third hand. So I started calling for help. Passionfruit did hear me calling for help but he thought I was only using profanity. Yes, folks I swear horribly. I also have a horrible temper. So Passionfruit ignored me. I had to go find him and drag him back into the house to help me.

Here's another appliance story. This one involves the dishwasher and Passionfruit. Our dishwasher at the time was the original appliance from when the house was built back in 1975. This was 1994. Anyway Passionfruit became aware that the dishwasher had been running for hours non stop. So he takes the knob off and sees a wire wrapped around the rod for the knob. Passionfruit then picks up a pair of metal scissors and sticks it into that orifice. I grab a wooden spoon and place it next to him. Passionfruit asks, "What's that for?" I reply, "For when you electrocute yourself." Passionfruit scoffs at me. I turn away. The next thing I hear is a popping sound. I turn to see Passionfruit jumping away and giving a very good imitation of someone with voltage running through his body. I mean he had the shimmy and the shake going. Of course the puff of smoke added to my distress. I just knew my new husband had done himself in this time. I imagined that people would accuse me behind my back of killing my older husband. I was so angry with him. I was so scared.

Then Passionfruit brought up the time when I slid off the bed. I love satin. I was wearing a satin night shirt and I had a satin comforter on our bed. I was young back then and I got cold so very easily. Our bed at the time did not have a foot board. So I crawled across the bed to get another blanket that had fallen on the floor, and that's when it happened I lost my balance and went careening off the bed. All I remember is how fast the floor was coming up to meet my face. Passionfruit's perspective was far more amusing because he said that he saw me go slidding and then the next thing he knew my feet were up in the air.

These are the highlights to our first year of marriage. I know there were several others because back then we had weekly dinners at my parents house. When we would get to the table everyone wanted the newest story from our married life. I'm pretty sure that there wasn't a week we weren't able to give everyone a story. Passionfruit and I love to laugh. We laugh at each other. We laugh with each other. But laughter is so very important to us. Life is too short to be so serious.

Driving home

2007-10-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to a conference. It was in Little Rock. I got to drive there. Of course driving is one of those times that I get to think. What I thought about the other day was-- how Passionfruit has held me in his arms in two different occassions. It's funny that they were both linked to my father. The first time was before we were even dating. My father was lying in a hospital bed. He was recovering from surgery. We were expecting cancer as diagnosis.

Anyway my mother sent me off to contra. Passionfruit saw me and asked me where had I been all these many monthes. I told him that my father had major surgery and a bleeding ulcer over the last 3 months. Passionfruit put his arms around me. I remember how his chest seemed to be large. I snuggled in and enjoyed the warmth and support he offered me. We started going out within a couple of monthes after that.

Then we need to fast forward by 10 years. We are in Jamaica. We are celebrating the wedding of his nephew. My father had just died 2 monthes before we went to the wedding.At the time there was a song that talked about how a father died and how he wished his parents could have had one last dance together. My parents had met at a community dance hall in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. While Passionfruit and I were dancing that song came on and I broke into tears once again. Once again Passionfruit's chest seemed so large and strong as he held me.

Passionfruit is not a large man. He is short and slender. Passionfruit is not by any means a buff kinda guy. Where he has some nice muscles are in his legs. But he doesn't work that upper body. But you know he is a strong man. My man has always fought for me. Let me correct that. Passionfruit has always fought for me when I am right. When I am running half cocked and wrong he finds a gentle way to bring me back into the reality of the situation. I thank God for this wonderful man. To have and to hold... I love those words in the marriage ceremony. By his touch my husband can give me so much-- so much strength; so much love; so much compassion; so much empathy; so much comfort. Yes, dear Lord you have truely blessed me. Thank you.

Our wiggly ways

2007-10-05T10:50:00.001-07:00

The other night we ate dinner. Of course, we eat dinner every night. What was singular in this ordinary event is our two oldest daughters.

After the meal was mostly consumed DQ and ST sat wiggling their upper front teeth. Each of them have a loose front tooth. They are the exact opposite of the other. DQ's is so loose that the tooth is just hanging on by a thread. It's really gross to look at her. It gives her a really odd look to that tooth. I mean it's literally slanted. ST's tooth isn't quite so loose. But I suspect ST will lose her tooth first since she tends to be far more active than DQ. ST has reported that it hurts to brush her teeth so I'm guessing she doesn't do much tooth brushing.

Yesterday ST reported that she spent the recess period sitting under a tree wiggling her tooth. DQ doesn't seem quite that pre-occupied with her tooth. I really, really can't wait for her to loose that tooth. Of course once they loose one it makes the other unstable and it generally falls out pretty quickly; or so the dentist says. I wonder if this Christmas DQ and ST will sing "All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth."?

Fremont St. Rules

2007-10-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my birthday Sunday. It was a good birthday. The kids were well behaved and excited about the party. My family came over for a lunch party. I received several cards with cats on them. One of my sisters couldn't resist. I hate cats for those that don't know. Plus we recently had a cat volunteer to be our pet. I finally took it to the pound. I co-worker made me feel better; she said, "That way the owners can be reunited with the kitten." I no longer feel guilty about doing that.

We ate so late in the afternoon that by 6:00PM I wasn't hungry and I had to force myself to fix a dinner for the kids. DQ and I played UNO together. We started out with MI and ST but they quickly lost interest. Actually MI wanted to play the game her way.

Which leads me to last night. MI came home with homework. It's a game. After dinner MI and ST were playing it. Passionfruit, DQ and I were still eating. We over heard MI saying that they were cheating at the game. She said this with pride. I told her she wasn't cheating; she was playing by Fremont St. rules (this is the street my father grew up on and their rules never remained the same and always changed to benefit the players in possession of the ball.) MI turned and told me she was too cheating. So I left it at that since MI was getting upset. I think my father would have loved it.

Mother Mary help us!

2007-09-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

This week my co-commuter no longer commutes with me. MI now goes to what she called, “real school”. Today it’s hit me hard. I was all alone in my drive to work. I never realized how empty the mini van can feel. I was lonely.

Even though MI didn’t talk much while we drove over to the college, she was a presence there. Every once in a while she would have something to say, and the most amazing part was it was frequently something very profound. MI is an observant child so she frequently pointed out the new things in the landscape. New inflatable promotion creatures along the interstate car lots, fire trucks and police cars, were among the many things she would see and point out to me. Sometimes she had an idea that would blow you away that a small child could come up with these ideas. Like my dad being dead and being with God.

Wondering why MI is no longer driving to the college with me? Well it all started with a phone call. I called up the grandma, who’s raising her grandson, who’s MI’s bestest buddy. I asked her how kindergarten was going for Austin. Grandma said he was doing just fine but. Here’s that big word BUT. The child development lab did not prepare Austin for the rigors of kindergarten. This has been my worry now for several months that MI isn’t getting prepared for school.

Now the lab is wonderful. And I know their philosophy is in line with the National Association for the Education of Young Children. They are accredited by this organization; however, this organization doesn’t believe small children should be in desks learning yet. They don’t believe in worksheets for young children. Here’s the problem: the public schools expect children to be able to write letters and identify letters and numbers before entering kindergarten. So there is the problem. The NAEYC is not keeping up with the expectations of the schools. They are great for the toddlers and young preschoolers but once their in the 4 to 5 age range they need to be sitting at a desk for 1 hour at least; learning their letters and numbers.

MI was longing for that situation. She was ready to sit and learn. That’s what she wanted to do. Her first day of school I could barely contain her. Once we crossed that road she was running like a gazelle to the school. Her second day was evening cuter. MI didn’t want me walking her to class. She wanted to walk to her class by herself.

Where do I have this sweet little girl? Well it’s a Catholic school. She has to wear a uniform. She looks adorable by the way. So far MI seems really into the uniform thing. I drive MI to school first. Her school starts at 8:20 and gets out at 3:15. Then I drive the older girls to school. My mother is picking up MI for me. Things really have worked out well. So pray for us that this is a good move for her. I think it is.

I am a rhinoceros

2007-09-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

My house is a major user of electricity. My husband and children leave the lights on in the house. They will leave a room and leave the lights on in the vacated room. This drives me crazy! Perhaps because I come from a home where we were severly reprimanded for the above infraction.

Thursday night I came home to find the house lit up like a Christmas tree. So I announced that I have a new campaign. Of course this led to explaining what campaign means but that is besides the point. The point is my conservationist husband refuses to conserve energy. Electricity in particular. He leaves lights on in the garage. I wake up the next morning-- wandering out to the garage and low and behold the light is still on! IT'S BEEN ON ALL NIGHT! GRRRRRRRRRRRR! This is not a one time occurance it is a habit of his.

Does anyone remember the movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy"? There is a scene in it where a rhinoceros runs into the camp and stomps the fire out. Well that is how I feel. I'm the lone rhinoceros running through the house turning off the lights. Well if you click on the link scroll down to the bottom of the entry. I have joined the ranks of legendary stuff. I will continue to wage my war against lights using up the electricity. And I will continue to think of rhinoceros everytime I turn out the light or make a child turn out the light.

The Morphing Mom

2007-09-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

Tuesday my children's school celebrated Grandparents Day. Passionfruit calls it a contrived holiday by Hallmark; however, if you follow the link you will see that Grandparents Day got started by the very state Passionfruit lived in for several years-- West Virginia. But this is besides the point, it's what happened at the school.

Everyone must know by now that I simply can't stand gushing mothers who think their child is the most talented, wonderful thing God created. You all know of at least 2 women who fit this description. They tend to squeal a lot. They tend to be groomed to immaculate Barbie images. They probably only went to college to find a rich (or potentially rich) hubby to support their superficial hobbies (themselves!).

Well I hate to report that I morphed into one of these chicks sans the grooming. It all started when we were finally able to get into the cafeteria. ST led me into there to get herself some cookies. To get to the table you had to pass the wall with these really nice portraits displayed. ST pointed out that one of those was hers. I said, "Oh really? Which one?" She ran up to this really nice drawing with a nice color wash. "That's yours?" She pointed out where she signed her name. Another mother with her children were standing near it. She said that it was good, and she asked ST whether it was her mommy. I saw little ST's face. Now she's worried because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I pipe up with, "NO. It looks like the Mona Lisa, to me." ST breaks into a huge smile, and replies, "Yes, that's who it is."

Now I'm totally floored because I study all the other pictures. They look like 6 year olds drew them but ST's looks more like 12 or 13 year old drawing. I'm dazed, and amazed. I do want to point out that one of them looks like a Picasso study of the Mona Lisa which is pretty cool but still pretty immature looking.

Here, is where I must tell on myself. At this point I turn around and find the art teacher not too far away. I walk up to her and ask her, "Is it just me? or is my daughter really talented?" BING! I have now morphed into that kind of MOM. I mean what is the teacher going to say, "No, Mrs. T. your daughter sucks big time."? I can't believe I put the teacher in such an awkward position. She was nice and charming and told me "Yes, she is and I push her to do more than the other children." Maybe it's true but I feel like a heel for morphing. So, yes Adj. Queen, I'm that lone parent clapping maniacally for my special pumpkin.

My Big Accomplishment

2007-09-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I spent my Saturday cleaning out the garage and doing laundry. My goal was to get those 2 things completed. If anyone really knows Passionfruit and I, we are pack rats. Even though we are both pack rats Passionfruit and I differ. Passionfruit has a problem with decision making. He believes that if he gets rid of something that he might need it 2 months later. Let me describe the normal things that Passionfruit finds difficult to throw away-- it's anything! A piece of string becomes invaluable because you just might need to tight something up in the next, oh I don't know, 20 years. Take last night I found some sort of plastic thing. It was quite obiviously broken. I threw it away. I did this right in front of Passionfruit. Passionfruit reaches in and takes it out. Examines it and puts it back where I found it. I picked it up and threw in the trash again. Passionfruit takes it out of the trash again and starts to lecture me because it could possibly belong to something. And then he went on and talked about how we will find whatever it is that it belongs to. I mentioned that it was BROKEN. That didn't seem to matter. So there it sits in my bathroom waiting for the future reunion, that most likely won't happen.

Back to the garage-- Saturday was the first day of Chinese school DQ and MI go to Chinese school. Passionfruit takes them, and he takes a class, too. So I was going to be alone with ST. I get to work at 8:00 AM. ST assists me from time to time but I'm pretty much going it alone. I start on the North wall first. It's the easiest wall. It had been cleaned before. Then I progressed to the East wall. Again, there is not as much there as the South bay. Much of it is the bikes and the wagon for the kids. I get these two sections done. I feel really, really good about all of this. I mean the garage looks really, really good.

Now I'm hungry. So I break for lunch and some laundry folding. I cool down. Take a bathroom break. Drink lots and lots of water, water in a glass with ice cubes. I get a call from Passionfruit asking whether or not to take the kids he has to lunch. I say, "SURE!" I'm thinking, "Great! Now I have more time to work without the meddling hubby!"

So I scurry back into the garage and start working on the most difficult part of the garage: the South bay. By the way it's a 3 car garage. As I work I discover that most of the stuff is empty boxes. I find boxes of clothes that I meant to give away to some sort of charity. I have a couple of boxes of kids shoes, too. Some of them have never been worn. Other shoes have very little wear and tear. I'm looking at all this stuff wondering what to do with it.

Then I remember that the Faculty Association is having a garage sale soon. So I'm going to donate all these boxes of stuff to that. I'm even giving my big old limo stroller away (seats 2 kids). I do have some trepidation about giving all this stuff away. It's my talisman against getting pregnant. This morning while I was packing up the baby bumper; comforter, sheets; crib skirt, and the mobile, I thought about having another baby. Well I decided that it shouldn't matter because if I do get pregnant then I deserve another baby shower. After all, I've waited 5+ years before getting pregnant again. Plus it would be my luck to have a boy this time.

While I'm working away up drives Passionfruit. I can see his face. It reminds me of the pictures of soldiers suffering from shell shock. The kids hop out and act normallly. They're pretty interested in the activity too because I've unearthed alot of their toys they haven't seen for several months to years. I'm already for the ensuing fight. I'm ready to demonstrate that I have my recycling piles all organized. Finally Passionfruit steps out of the car. He walks right past me in what can only be described as a hurried pace. What's going on? I ask DQ where's your dad going? DQ says that he is going in to watch the football game. BINGO! I've strucked gold once again. Passionfruit must watch the games for the schools he's attended. I continue to work away.

At one point Passionfruit comes out to the garage. He asks where he can help? I tell him he can go watch his football game. Passionfruit tells me that it is half-time. BUMMER! I think. Okay. So I set him to working. I'm amazed he's not pitching a fit. Okay! Is this the invasion of the body snatchers? The hours continue to wear on.

Somewhere along the way Passionfruit suggests that it is dinner time. I tell him, "NO! I've got to keep going." So I work until 8PM. It's been 12 hours. I'm filthy, grimy and sweaty. But I feel so good. I got the garage cleaned out. I realize that this is the first time over 12 years of marriage that I've cleaned out a garage. It's the first time in 3 years to clean out this particular garage. I didn't realize that this garage is so large. It's great. It's huge. It's wonderful to walk into it with bare feet. I feel so successful I'm ready to get to work on my bedroom. Really cleaning out the garage was the first step in cleaning my bedroom. Once my bedroom is done I'm planning to go to town on the study that Passionfruit occupies. Of course I know that that won't be easy, and Passionfruit will behave very territorial. I think a fight might ensue because he'll feel threatened. But that won't be for a while yet.

Later that night I asked Passionfruit how he felt about the garage. He said he was really proud of what we accomplished. He did tell me that when he drove up he could tell that I was in my "get it done mode". I don't think Passionfruit ever, has a get it done mode. He has more of a "ponder it mode". I always laugh at him when he talks about his sister having an inertia problem. To me it seems to effect him, too. I would never say this to him but I think it's pretty true. I don't know about his sister. Actually I think she's more like me. She'd rather read a good book than do house work. No shame there really. We just aren't the neat freak type.

Terrifying Tuesday

2007-09-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

My Tuesday went well. Things were rocking along. My mom and I had come up with a plan for the new school year. I mean... who was going to take whom where. With 3 kids I can't be everywhere at one time and the girls activities have a couple that are at the same time in 2 different places.

I went and picked-up MI from preschool. When I get back in the car my cell is ringing. I answer... my first reaction was not to since it was an 800 number. I remember muttering in my brain about damn telemarketers. It was not a telemarketer. It was a person from our home security system. We still have 2 houses. The operator told me that there was a medical emergency out at the lake house. I then immediately hung up. I cold knot of dread developing in my chest. I made a point not to freak out. I call Passionfruit's cell phone. No answer. I call his work phone. No answer. Okay. I lost it for about half a second. I start praying frantically. MI's in the back saying, "Daddy's dead. Daddy's dead." It was kind of weird for the child was so matter fact about that. I calm down immediately. I explain to the girls that we have no information and that we can't jump to conclusions. I told them that it could have been anyone out there. I mean the house is up for sale people go in out showing the house all the time. It could even be a friend that we hire as a handy-man. (He sometimes drinks; and he has fallen from the roof before.)

So I'm racking my brains trying to think how I can find out what's going on out at the lake. I don't want to take the kids out there if something really ugly is going down. My first fear was Passionfruit was having a heartattack. Then I remembered that real estate agents are often victims of violent crimes. So I didn't want to take the kids out to where there might be blood and gore. I continue with the plan. Tuesdays is gymnastics for ST and MI. DQ goes to tap at the same time. My mom had DQ. I call mom to let her know that I want to switch out cars with her, and that she needs to pick-up all the kids. Then I call my sister, I Don't Get Mad; I Get Even, if anyone can found out something it's her. I asked her to find a number for someone/anyone in Passionfruit's office. When I Don't Get Mad calls back she tells me that the call was in reference to a one Jim Jones. BINGO! It's our friend! It's not my husband! IDGM tells me that she called the police and they told her it was Jim Jones and that he was taken to the local hospital. She then had called the local hospital only to find out that Jim Jones was released. Here's the confusing fact both the hospital and police said that it had been hours ago.

Next phone call I make is to Jim. He answers his cell. "Hey dude! What's up?" He replies that it's been a shitty day. I told him to tell me about it. He asks where do you want me start? I said, "How about the release from the hospital."

"Hospital?"

"Yeah, the hospital."

"I haven't been to any hospital today", says Friend Jim.

"You haven't?"

"No."

"Okay, tell me about your day from where the firemen showed up."

"Hey! That was really cool! They showed up in 5 minutes. You know I'm pretty sure I punched in the code correctly. Next thing I know the alarm's going off. I talked to the monitoring center. Told 'em who I was and what I was doing out here but they still sents the firemen. And you know what they were all pretty fat (firemen)."

"Really. Normally that towns firemen are pretty buff and cute, too boot."

"You should let potential buyers know how quick the response for the firemen was. It would be a great selling point."

By the end of that conversation I realize that my mom is probably freaking out. I didn't tell her any of my fears but I still hadn't shown up to switch out cars. I go into the gymnastics joint. I find a mother with a daughter about the age of my MI. I ask her if she's going to the same class. They are. I tell her that I'm really not a bad mommy and I don't normally dump my kids with total strangers, but would you mind keeping an eye on my child while I drive off to tell my mom that my husband isn't mortally wound/sick? She said sure. I drive off and find my mom. I tell her everything that happened.

I just wanted to share this rather heart stopping; heart palpitating experience.

Quickie

2007-09-03T17:54:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are more interested in my girls activities than my rants I'll provide you with a few quick happenings. The other day when we were heading out to the neighborhood pool I discovered how the girls have been opening up the garage door. I thought that they were pulling something up and climbing to get to the button; however, this is not the case-- instead they pick up the mop standing next to the button and press the end to the button. My! Don't I have some clever girls!

Saturday I took the girls to a local department store. We were looking for bathing suits. I know it is not the season; however, I was hoping to find a good sale. Indeed I did, unfortunately, the rack was pretty much picked clean. DQ was hoping I would break down and buy her a bicini. I do not believe little girls should were such things. I did consider a tankini at one point but realized that it would be very easy to end up slipping down that slippery slope towards caving into everything.

Anyway, I lost ST and MI. I ran through the store with DQ at my side. I really was getting anxious. I made two laps around the area I thought they would be. Finally after starting the third lap ST and MI came running up to me. They each had a bathing suit on and were carrying their clothes. When I got them back to the dressing room we discovered that MI had lost her shirt. I again made a couple of laps around the area where we had been shopping looking for the lost shirt. In the past I've learned that these things are gone. So I didn't make a great attempt at searching. I found a sale rack and found her a top for $3. It's cute and she liked.

After we got through the cashier line we went to the car and dropped the stuff off. We then went over to the "river" walk. We saw 2 school of fish and several turtles. One of those turtles were massive. His head was a good 12in. long. I never did see the rest of him. But I don't think I'll go swimming in that creek bed anytime soon.

DQ is giving me a complex. I can't look at her without her saying, "What!??" She claims that I look at her and make faces. She says she thinks she's in trouble. Finally tonight I asked her was there ever a time when she didn't know that she was in trouble with me. I'm wondering where she picked up this little behavior. Which older girl at school does this.

I've been volunteering at their school every Thursday. This has caused some strife with the PTA chicks. The treasurer says that I need to join the PTA because volunteering at the school is a PTA activity. I don't see it that way. I don't care to join their little sorority. Been there done that and didn't like their attitude. So I continue to boycott the PTA and volunteer to boot. DQ and ST love it because they have to come to the media center to get me. I am usual so engrossed in my projects at the media center that I don't pay any attention to the time and must be reminded that the end of school has happened. DQ will rush in asking if she can help. In the past I've allowed her to check-in books but the past Thursday the media specialist was there so I asked if it were okay to allow DQ to do this little job. Yep, it sure was. ST brought in her new friends to show off. It's fun to see this. I never had friends. I had Sophia in 1st and 2nd grade but we frequently didn't get along with one another. I don't remember having another friend until high school. I'm still friends with her but we had a falling out over a child (16 year old boy with a mouth like a sewer). She kept expecting me to over look his behavior and I kept expecting her to understand I didn't want my children exposed to this young man. I think we are slowing on the mend now that she found a real home for this boy and he is no longer living with her.

My mom is doing well. She forced me to have a Partlite party for her. We had fun. She pretty much made the show because my heart wasn't in it. I told her to have the party herself and that she could use my house. But for some reason she won't do that. So you can see that mom is as feisty as ever.

Our house out by the lake continues to be for sale. Lots of folks have looked at it. No one has made an offer. So I guess nothing will happen for a year or two. By February we will own the stupid thing. So I suppose it will all be profit if it does take a year to sale. I don't know why Passionfruit won't use a regular real estate agent. But he won't. At this rate I really think I ought to cash in my moneymarket and finish the mortgage off. I've also tried talking him into doing one of those reality shows where they help you sell your home. He's just not that kind of guy.

Dinosaur Tracks

2007-08-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

We went on a very quick family vacation this weekend. We drove to an area of our state that is suppose to have dinosaur tracks. We got there and asked a couple of people for directions. The second person really made me feel very welcome. Phrases like the ranchers want to blast the prints to get rid of the tourists; ranchers don't like the tourists coming. Made me wonder if we were going to end up in a situation out of "Deliverance".

Once we made it to the creek bed we wandered around not finding any tracks. We gave the girls lessons in geology and wilderness safety. They really enjoyed tramping through the dried up creek bed. I was disappointed that the prints weren't in view. So we packed the kids up and went on to the next state where they have dinosaur prints and use them as a tourist draw.

While we drove we got the girls singing songs. After one song DQ asked her father, "Is there another virgin of that song?" Well I wasn't very good at keeping the giggles at bay. I laughed for several miles.

Yesterday we ended our trip with a drive through Palo Duro canyon. It was beautiful. Passionfruit and I tried to go there once before ten years ago but there was such a sand storm going on that we aborted that trip and went on to New Mexico.

It was a great time. I really enjoyed our little excursion.

Work on a Saturday at the college

2007-08-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at the reference desk today. It's our special orientation day for new students. Half the librarians are over in the main building grabbing students to issue them their print cards. Students and parents are wandering all over the campus trying to get their bearings.

What I find so interesting is the wide range of individuals walking past my desk. I only started this blog after watching a young woman walk past who so obviously was working hard to walk like a tough nut. To smile for her would have meant to break her face.

Next, it's really interesting the diverse parents who play a role in this day. There are the mothers who lead their young adult around like a mother duck with her ducklings. Then there are the mothers who attempt to not be involved. They come to the library and sit reading a book waiting for their child to return from the various activities. Then there are the mother daughter teams. You can tell they have a good relationship. The child and parent are interested in the things being offered but the mom is pretty cool about not smothering the child. Of course not to be forgotten is the lone mother coming because she can't get her child to come.

I've just come back from the main building. It's very quiet. Nothing like last year. Maybe the weather is keeping people away. I don't know. While I was over there I took the role of the carnie hawker. You know, "GETTCHAYAR HOTDOG!" Only my call was, "GETTCHAYAR PRINT CARD!" Wonder how many cards they'll give out now that I'm gone. I'll wonder over later to see what's going on.

Back to school and all its frustrations

2007-08-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

The first day of school was yesterday. DQ started 2nd grade and ST started 1st grade. The girls were terribly excited to be returning to school. I think ST will have a better year. The school is now a familiar place. She has friends there from last year. DQ is thrilled to be in a class room that was a originally the teachers' lounge. I as the mother am not thrilled because the room was not design as a class room.

When we went to meet the teacher night last Friday, the room that DQ is in was very difficult to get into. A long narrow passage leads into the room. Parents and kids were backed up in this confined space. Now as I write this I worry about a fire. Will that class be able to remain calm enough to traverse this space and get out? Okay, I better stop worrying about that.

This morning I was treated to a wonderful struggle of wills with MI. We had breakfast at the school this morning. MI did not want to leave. She wanted to stay. I tried to make it sound good for her to go to preschool but she didn't think it was grand at all to be the oldest in preschool. She didn't like the idea of having to be the role model for the younger kids. She wanted to be in Kindergarten. From now on I'm dropping my little munchkins off at the door.

To top it all off when I finally got MI into the car and buckled up we got behind an individual who felt she was above the traffic sign informing her that only a right turn during this morning rush is allowed. Oh how I wish the cops would sit there and hand out tickets. But we live in a suburb and the school is located in the city. The school belongs to the county but resides in the city so I fear the city doesn't feel all that compelled to patrol the area. In fact one never sees the city police in the area. Those houses in the area are frequently burgalerized. I hear the mothers talking about how they were robbed last night. Another says, "Yes, we were robbed last night, too." If it were me living in that area I would certainly be complaining. I mean the way they talk about it is so casual, so matter of factly. They are resigned to being victims.

My friend QueenBee has a blog entry about the commonness of our culture. Isn't the above another example of people accepting bad behavior? What a soapbox I've become. Someday I'll have something funny to write but not today. Today I'm just too frustrated.

Around this time last year

2007-07-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

Last year we were suffering a major draught that had started the winter before and lasted throughout much of the year. In fact the land was going up in smoke (literally) Wild fires came close to our house (about a mile) I remember that their was one day that I had to take a very winding path to get home because of all the road closures. I remember the smell of smoke hung in the air for days afterwards. I remember one night when I went out into our garage that we had just cleaned out some only to be alarmed by the smell of smoke. I went outside and started searching for the source. About a mile away there was the flames reaching for the stars. I frantically knocked at a neighbors door to ask them to call the fire department. The husband came out to look and the wife went in to make the call. Shortly after that we heard the sirens racing to the scene.

Now we have state parks that are closed due to all the rain we've received. Firefighters have had to perform hair-raising rescues. People have been lost to floods. I remember one of my entries last year described the grass on the campus. This year everything is green. Green grass, green trees, flowers. It's amazing. It reminds me of the Northeast U.S.

Once on one of our year migrations to visit the grandparents in Pennsylvania we went through Kentucky. Lord! Everything was an unrelenting green. Everywhere you looked it was green. I remember telling my folks how glad I would be to return home so I could see some nice yellow/brown grass.

Please don't get me wrong, I love this wet rainy weather. The temperatures have been bearable. With age I've gotten to be bothered by the heat. Never thought that would happen. It's great that I haven't needed to get out the hoses to water the grass. But I think this beautiful weather is at an end. I think the weather is getting ready to turn up the heat (literally) I know I better pull out the hoses and get them situated because my willows seem to be drooping and turning yellow. Tomorrow.

Summer dud

2007-07-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

There is something wrong in my house. The evenings are something I've come to dread. I have to make dinner. I have to wait on 3/5 of my family to return home before I can serve the dinner. Dinner is getting later and later. The kids fight going to bed. Before they are in bed I'm ready for bed.

But lately I've been doing house work after the little monsters go to their bedroom. Notice I didn't say go to sleep. No in fact noise continues to emanate from their room. Parents are required to go in and threaten drastic measures before the noise turns into whispers. Further warnings and yes, groundings are issued.

This hasn't been a good summer for the kids. They wanted to do so much. We just aren't able to financially afford to do the things they want to do. The girls want me to pick them up from their camp early so we can go swimming or go to a park but we simply can't afford for me to drive down there and get them. MI is having a great time with me. She gets me all to herself. ST is really showing signs of stress and anxiety. DQ actually is having a great time at camp. She just doesn't want the day to end.

I've already told Passionfruit that we will not do that summer camp in the neighboring suburb. I'm going to find an alternative. Passionfruit replied that next year ST will be able to go on all the field trips. I just want to be able to pick up the girls. I don't want to wait on Passionfruit to decide to go home.

I wish I had something funny or profound to say. Instead I'm complaining. Well, I tell you that one good thing happened this summer. DQ initiated a disscussion about her adoption and birth family. This has me feeling so good because I think that she is okay. She is going to be okay. Being adopted for her is not a tragic, horrible thing. In fact when DQ gets to be older and more mature I think she will say that being adopted is an adjective. It's a word that describes her not defines her.

Rambling rampages

2007-07-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

I don't like it when holidays fall in the middle of the week. It makes the work week awful. I didn't really want to work yesterday but I finished my regular authority work just in time to get the next report. They will run today. What fun!

Now when I go to work tomorrow I'll have a lot more work to do. Work that can only be described to the civilian as boring and tedious. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone appreciates what I do. What I read in the professional journals, and what I see happening at the Library of Congress I can only hear the death toll for us catalogers. No one seems to understand what we do and why we do it. Everyone wants Google and Google-like environments without realizing the limitations to Google. Do people even realize that they are missing information? Yes. I must admit I Google, too. But that is not my end all of any research I do.

Newsweek's "My turn" the essayist wrote about taking the traditional road trip with her family. Everyone had their personal electronic equipment. While they sped down the highway everyone tuned each other out. I can only say that I laugh when I think of Timothy Leary's phrase, "Turn on, tune in, drop out". I doubt that Leary had any idea that we were going to take it to the limits that abound today. Did he ever envision people being hooked up to phones and ipods? Walking down the street talking to some unseen person, not hearing anyone near them greet them. We all are turned on and tuned in with the results of dropping out.

When I see people walking around with their blue tooth in their ears it makes me think of Star Trek the Next Generation. You know the episode where they encounter the Borg. "Resistance is futile people". We are all soon going to be a part of some massive piece of machinery. And those of us that resist shall be pursued to the ends of the earth. Tortured into assimilating into the various parts and pieces that make the whole. [Funny how that seems to parallel some Christian ideology... "I'm the vine you are the branches... Hmmm...]

Well I see that I am only rambling and continuing my anti-technology thread that seems to weave itself through this blog from time to time. Which in itself is ironic considering it is technology. I'm not against technology perse but the way in which we use it as a society. Enough.

Fickle sisters? Or are they thick as thieves?

2007-06-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

One wonders the dynamics of children. One day recently in our "happy home" it wasn't so happy. I don't remember exactly what happened to cause DQ to slap Miss Independence but it happened. I told DQ to go to her room and only come out when she was able to act in a more appropriate manner.

This caused DQ to run from the room screaming that she hated me. ST went to console her older sister. A few minutes latter ST comes out to tell us that DQ is packing up and running away from home. Next I see MI slipping away from the room in a manner that can only be called furtive. More minutes pass and out comes ST. Apparently MI has decided to join DQ in running away. This doesn't seem to bother DQ at all.

Now I'm totally stumped because the whole reason DQ is running away is unfair treatment in regards to MI, ie., MI gets better treatment than DQ. Apparently the plans are to run to DQ's friend's house to live happily ever after. If they were unavailable perhaps the neighbors would take them.

Wondering how we handled this situation? Well we pretty much let them pack their bags, boxes and various other modes of transporting stuff. This went on for about an hour. At 9:00 P.M. we told them that it was too late to runaway, and they needed to go to bed. As DQ calmed down she decided not to runaway after all. MI still wanted to go. In fact, MI continued to runaway all week. (Never actually walking out the door.) She had a black backpack packed. MI kept taking it to preschool all week. It snowballed to taking her slumber bag to preschool. Yesterday when I picked her up and put her in the minivan she said, "Well I'm ready to runaway." At four I suppose she hasn't got the full mechanics of running away down.

What amused me more was ST. She seemed rather eager to get rid of both her sisters. This is the first time that she's displayed any feelings about not wanting siblings. DQ frequently wishes out loud that she were an only child. MI tells me she doesn't like her sisters, because they are mean to her. (Which in my opinion is true.) So I was amazed when we asked whether ST was going to runaway, and she said she was staying and helping her sisters to pack.

In conclusion the two that were at logger heads with one another became partners in a running away scheme. ST had no desire to runaway and appeared rather eager to get rid of her siblings. As I've reported before that alliances are ever shifting in the world of childhood, especially among siblings.

Tender mercies

2007-06-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

Well I find myself at work today. I did it on purpose. I didn't have to work. Someone else had already volunteered. But I wanted Passionfruit to spend time with our children. So to work I went.

Yesterday Passionfruit came home with the beginnings of the dreaded summer cold. I started to feel bad about this passive aggressive manuever. My poor sweet wasn't feeling well, and I was abandoning him to the tender mercies of our children.

I was out of work for 2 days. I didn't realize at the time that another co-worker would be out, too. So while I was here working I found her work to and did it. That way Monday will not be so horrible on her, and it gave me some more work to do.

I haven't received any phone calls from Passionfruit, so I'm assuming that all is well. I guess I'll find out how it went when I get back home. I have to confess that I don't believe that my drive home will be straight there. NO. I think a trip to Braum's is calling me. I haven't had any decadent sunades in a while.

While we're on the subject...

2007-06-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my children I had lots of strange dreams. After the two pregnancies I was amazed that the two pregnancies were similiar in that I had dreams. Each pregnancy I dreamt of celebrities. I am not a celebrity hound. I don't read the gossip rags. I may occassionally glance through People but do not seek it out. Another similiarity was the subject matter of the dreams remained constant for the particular pregnancy and each of the subject matter was disturbing for markedly different reasons.

For the first pregnancy I will not describe those dreams in detail; nor, even hint to what they were about. What I'll tell you is Goldie Hawn, Sally Fields and several other female actresses were in those dreams.

While I carried MI the actors ranged from Don Knotts to Tom Cruise (Which some of you may remember that I disliked Tom Cruise long before it came into vogue.) These were dreams of action, adventure, murder and doomsday. I was hounded with dreams about serial murderers, mass murderers and the end of the Earth as we know it. It use to scare me. I thought perhaps I was being possessed by the devil or something.

Where is all of this leading to? My Mom picked up my girls from their respective institutions. When she got to MI's she was handed a report. It wasn't good. In fact it was down right scarry! My little darling had her hands around another child's throat! She was doing her best at strangling the little guy. His offense? He told her he wasn't her friend.

Hmmm! Now that was a tactic I never thought of as a child longing for friendship and companionship. They won't be my friends I'll just kill 'em!

What's even funnier is we do not use physical punishment. Okay. We give 'em a slap on the hinney when they are behaving dangerously. Things like... playing with matches, running into the street, strangling other children... OOPS I didn't do that. No. I talked to her about how she could have really hurt the other child. I told her how disappointed I was with her behavior.

Reflecting on things that have happened over the past year in preschool I realize that MI is far more violent than my other children have ever been. This past year she told other children in her class that I would come and shoot them with my gun. (I don't own a gun!) MI resorts to her fists and feet first. What I'm wondering is... were the dreams an indication of what is to be? Do I have some sort of budding criminal on my hands? Pray not. I wonder whether the preschool teachers think she comes from an abusive family.

My little darling is the cutest thing in the world. She is sweet and funny but I don't think you want to make her mad. I keep telling myself that her spunk will hold her in good stead when she's an adult. I've told MI not to turn bitter. I've told her to stay sweet. This was one of those days where I wonder if I will ever get this parenting thing down.

A blessed event

2007-06-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a really busy weekend. Sunday my niece gave birth to a little boy. I'm still trying to think of a name for the little guy. I went to see him on Monday. I took my mother after her doctor's appointment.

Those two people had such a difficult time. My niece went into preclampsia. So the doc induced labor. Zach was turned in a bad position. A couple of times his heart rate went down. My poor niece labored for 12 hours. I know it could have been longer but still 12 hours is a long labor. Zach, even though 3 weeks early, was a good size. He weighed 5 lbs. 14 oz. and was 20 inches long. He is beautiful.

When we saw him at the hospital he was all wrapped up good and tight. He had a little hat on and the blankets went up over the top of his head. Zach was having a hard time keeping his body temperature. He slept through our whole visit, even though I tried very hard to wake the little guy up.

In conclusion, all I know is this little guy took my heart. He has the sweetest little nose. It is so perfect. My heart aches that my niece suffered so while delivering him but she is such a little trooper. She never complained once and kept assuring my mom that she was doing fine. I would include a link to his picture but apparently they chose not to allow his picture to be posted on the hospital's website. Bummer! Because I sure would like to show off this little tike.

Swing, balance and CRASH@!

2007-06-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a blast for Passionfruit and I. We managed to get people to keep our children overnight; although they were our responsibility during the day.

Our weekend began on Friday night with a great contra dance. So many friends that we haven't seen in years were there. It was wonderful to see them and catch up on stuff. The ballroom was decorated in pink flamingos, palm trees and christmas tree lights lined the windows of the hall.

At one point I danced a dance as a woman. It was a terribly difficult dance that even very experienced dancers were having troubles. My partner and I met up with a couple of women dancing together. One was a rather new dancer and the other was a rather poor man or perhaps I should say lead. I made a point to ask the new dancer to be my partner in the next dance. I assured her that I am a very good man. She seemed doubtful. I turned to a long time friend (male) and asked him to assure her that I was indeed a fine man. Well she did find out how good I was including being able to steal a kiss from my Passionfruit when the men met in the middle for an alemand right.

Later near the end of the dance I was dancing with an old flame when CRASH, BUM, BANG! Screechs of terror, gasps of horror! The flamingo on the mantle came crashing down along with the mirror. The fiddler magically escaped injury when by all rights she should have been cut up horribly. There was glass under her chair; in her case for her fiddle and under the case. The caller was totally freaked and that was the end of the dance. I have never been to a dance where the dance ended so abruptly.

We ended up going to the after party. Passionfruit talked me into it. A dear friend who's had to deal with a ugly divorce threw the party. It was also the hostess' son's birthday. I had to go.

Saturday night my sister came and picked up the girls. We had a few hours before the dance. We chose to have dinner alone together instead of joining the large group. I told Passionfruit that we so rarely get time without the kids that it is really important to me to have him alone for a while. We went to a local Mexican restaurant and had a lovely meal.

Then on to the dance. Nothing terribly exciting happened like the night before. But it was really great to see people. One of my many old dance partners were there. I use to be a wild twirling woman but do to certain health problems I no longer can twirl 3 or 4 times. It was hard having to control those men. Jimmy used to love to see how many twirls I could get in before having to get back to the patterns of the dance. I remember one time I did 5. I so amazed him. Jimmy was my main partner that I had to control. I never did get a chance to tell him that my days of whirling like dirvish are gone.

The weekend ended with an after party at a friend's house. I had volunteered us to help with clean up. I got so tired I fell asleep on the couch in the sun room. Passionfruit woke me up at 2:30 AM to tell me it was time to go home. He had helped to clean up all by himself. I'm so proud of him.

Things I regret

2007-06-04T16:07:00.001-07:00

A couple of weekends ago I was driving DQ around. We listened to a local Country station. A guy came on, and his whole song was about regrets. He didn't use that word but that's what he meant. So I took that as a teaching moment. I explained to DQ that that guy was experiencing regret and what an aweful thing that is.

Well DQ asked me if there was anything I regret. I had to think very hard. Overall I'm pretty happy with my life and the way I've lived it. I haven't killed anyone. I haven't done drugs. Oh I've had my fun but it was all good, clean fun. So this got me to thinking.

When I was a Senior Girl Scout I had my Gold Award earned in that I had all the badges and other peliminary stuff done. The only things I lacked were documenting my work and doing the project. The council even offered me extra time. I turned it down because I didn't think that that was fair to the other girls who did all their work in the time allotted for the award. I remember how my mother nagged me. She kept saying over and over-- "You're going to regret this some day."

Now I'm 38 years old. I have a satisfying career. I'm a mother and a wife. My husband love me. My children love me. And never once in the last twenty years have I regretted not getting the Gold Award.

No. What I regret is that I didn't have the guts to audtion for the Oklahoma Arts Institute, Quartz Mountain the first year I was eligible. I regret this so much. So much so, that I think I might turn into that stage mother that some have accused me of being and nag, and push my daughters to try out as soon as they are eligble. I envision locking them in their rooms the night before the audition and waking them in the morning. Filling their stomachs with good protein packed food. Whisking them out the door and dragging them into the studio to audition for this prestigious summer camp.

So there is my secret-- I regret that I didn't audition until the very last year I was eligible. It isn't all that shocking of a regret. I don't need to bow my head in shame. Nor do I need to worry about my enemies finding this out and using it against me. Oh! Are you wondering how the audtion went? Guess!... I didn't get chosen for the OAI. I made a horrible mess of the audition.

I did it!

2007-05-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

After twenty some years of not shaving my legs I went and shaved my legs today. It started in the morning. The razor I had was rather dull, and I didn't have any replacement blades so I went out and bought more.

So this evening I finished the job. I now have legs that are a brilliant white color. My hair provided a certain amount of color that I don't have in my skin. Perhaps someone might expect me to feel free, smooth and fresh. Well, I'll tell you how I feel. I miss the feel of the air ruffling my hair legs. I don't especially like the glowing white of my legs but I'm not about to start tanning. I still have my principles.

I have to tell you Passionfruit's response is rather funny. He is mourning! He accused me of being vain. I had to explain to him that I did not do this for myself or him but for DQ. I also have a hypothesis that the other mothers will treat me or at least look at me differently. Passionfruit can't believe it but I reminded him that women see all and judge all. Passionfruit has never met my legs without hair. I'm afraid that he won't do very well with this new condition that he finds my legs.

What might you wonder was the catalyst to such an action? This morning DQ was totally rude to me because I won't let her have what she wanted since she hadn't finished what was on her plate to begin with. I remember getting up; going to my room and getting in the shower. While in there I took up the razor I keep in there and started shaving my legs.

I wonder how long I will keep this up. I can't say that I'm particularly happy with the results. What's really funny is-- I didn't cut myself once! I don't remember ever being so successful in my earlier life. I've made sure to moisturize my legs. I even gave myself a pedicure this evening. I would rather have read a book. Oh well, I just hope DQ will one day realize how much I love her. I don't want to embarass her anymore than I already do by being her mother.

Lord of the flies

2007-05-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

What does one get when a group of four boys move as a pack of wild dogs? Well this afternoon it was an attempt at peeping at my daughter while she used the park's toilet facility. What happens when you add a fierce mother into the equation?

I'll tell you-- A woman willing to take on a gang of boys. I was as belligerent as they were. I dealt out verbal blow by blow. I stood, arms akimbo, legs spread speaking loudly. They did their very best to intimidate me. They called in re-enforcements. They threw rocks and sticks. I in the mean time told them to bring it on. I told them I wasn't afraid of them. I told them I was willing to "rumble" with them. Yes, I used the word rumble! I'm sure they have no idea what it means and it is possible that their parents won't know what it means either.

Crazy, huh? Well let me "flesh" the story out some more for you. While I had DQ and MI in the toilet shack we heard all this banging. I mean lots of banging. When we got out of there I don't know why I looked back but I did. There on the roof of the building was a boy about 10 to 12 years old. I whipped out my cell phone and dialed 911. I don't really know why I did it other than I could tell that this boy would not respond well to some good natured mothering. He jumps down from the building and yells at me. "I can't believe you called 911! I can't believe you called the cops! I wasn't doing anything!" Then he and his pack of friends continued to heckle me. Something inside of me slipped. Maybe it was reality? Maybe it was sanity? Anyway, all I know is I found myself telling these boys that I wasn't afraid of them and that they were more than welcome to take me on because I had taken on bigger and better than them in the past. I never yelled. Although they might not know that I can get much much louder than I was. They continued to try and intimidate me. They weren't going to stand down and neither was I.

In the back of my mind I knew what I was doing was risky. I knew that they could rush me and start beating me up but you know I was so ready to take down as many as I could before they took me down. When some of the boys started throwing rocks and sticks and I called them on this use of force another brighter boy did some reprimanding of his peers. I don't know, maybe my suggestion that if they actually were to hit me or one of my children with a rock I would file actual charges against them, and that a stay in Juvenile Detention isn't all that much fun helped curbed the actual aimming at my physical body.

How did all of this end? Well when the motorcycle cop showed up I waved him down and told him about the boy on the roof of the bathroom and how I thought he was trying to peer into the girls bathroom. What amazed me was how the child that had been on the roof took up an attitude with the police officer. This officer wasn't at all happy with the situation or the boy. Then all the other children were called up to face the officer of the law. And wonders of wonders these kids tried pulling wool over the officers eyes. Phrases like: "I don't know where I live." were thrown about. Amazing. I would never have spoken to police officer like that. In fact I never had to speek to a police officer when I was a child.

The aftermath for me was a jumble of feelings. I felt empowered. I felt vindicated. I felt stupid. I felt scared. I worried about what kind of message I sent my children. At first I worried that it was all wrong but after writing this out I realize that it is a good message. I am always telling the girls that it is okay to make a scene. That in fact, I expect them to make a scene and not to worry about calling attention to themselves should someone attempt to hurt or touch them improperly. I realize now that I did just that. I made a scene. I didn't actually (at the time) worry about calling attention to myself. That came later, after I had cooled down. Instead I lived the lesson, and I am proud of myself. You may differ with me on that but that's okay. I just know that I was dealing with this situation on a gut level. MY instinct told me there was something wrong with the situation. And I was right.

PS
After driving by the park today (5/23/07) Not only are there grill windows at the top on the sides of the building but the gables have windows that resemble transom windows. It would have been very easy for a boy to lean over the gable and look into the bathroom through that window.

Green door

2007-05-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

This week I've been making an effort to go out walking. Every night we've been out walking. As I head back to my house and see my front door and think about the connection between a door and my father. It is painted a green color which isn't quite hunter green and not quite emerald either.

While we were building the house I originally wanted to have the door green but later down the line I wanted the door to be a burgundy red. Well that never got communicated to the painter. I remember the day that I came to see the house and the door was green-- I was disappointed. Passionfruit wanted to make them change it but I told him no. It wasn't that I disliked the color. So I told Passionfruit to leave it.

A few weeks after we moved in the the house my father died. I got the call and hurried to my parents house. We all got to say good-bye to my dad. We waited for the funeral home to come and get my father. Two men came and went back into my father's room with a gurney. I remember we were all standing around the end of the hall as they rolled my father's body pass. They had wrapped his body in a blanket. That blanket was green. It wasn't quite hunter or emerald green. I remember telling my sister-in-law that the blanket was the color of my front door.

So now, I think of my dad when I walk up to my house. It's a nice, comforting thought. And I don't think I will ever have a red door. Green suits me just fine.

Reflections of a year

2007-05-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the school year. I'm a proud mother. My eldest daughter is a math whiz. DQ also reads at a 4th grade level. My middle daughter is reading above her grade level. (Last year DQ resisted reading so much that she wasn't at this level of reading last year.) What's even better is Storyteller can do math pretty well, too.

When I look at these two young girls they are so confident and happy. They have friends at school. They lead such a different life than what I knew as a child. I was shy. I wasn't liked by the other children. I was the brunt of all jokes. And my academic life wasn't at all good. I couldn't read until I was in the 3rd grade. I was in special ed. classes by the time I was in 2nd grade. I was taunted by my class mates as being the dummy of the school.

I remember how I hated Mr. East for the name he called his classroom-- The Brain Train. I liked him I really did. But I seethed under my exterior shell for the name because the other "normal" kids teased us: "That's where you go to get your brain taken out and trained to sit up and beg!" GRRRRRRR!

Now I look at my children and marvel that their existence doesn't reflect mine at all. They are happy, well adjusted individuals. They have a great confidence I never knew.

The end is in sight for this year. My children have excelled in school. Summer is fast approaching. For the kids it will be a long and wonderful experience full of activities at the various camps they're going to over the summer. For me it will be just a drop in the bucket. Summer will speed past. And tomorrow I will be writing about the up coming year where my two oldest daughters will continue their education.

All for a good cause

2007-05-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

I allowed DQ to participate in the St. Jude's Mathathon. We got the disc on a Monday but we didn't have anytime work on it that day. So I told DQ that she could work on it in the morning if she woke up early enough.

Tuesday morning at 5:30AM DQ calls for me. I wander bleary eye down the hall to her room to find out what the problem is. When I get there she wants to work on the CD-ROM for the Mathathon. Frankly I was disturbed for being aroused from my sleep so very early. I mean I get my best sleep done in the hours between 4 and 7 AM. So I told her to lay down and go back to sleep.

Now 6:30 AM rolls around and another call from DQ issues in the monitor of our bedroom. Realizing that I simply was not going to get anymore sleep I get up and set up my laptop. I put it in the front room. DQ comes and starts working.

Out of the early morning fog comes Passionfruit. He is an angry bear. The math game is too loud and is disturbing his sleep! Grrrrrrrrr! I think what in the world do think is happening to me. So I quietly move DQ and the computer to her father's study. DQ spends about 1 1/2 hours working on the math problems. At one point she gets so angry with me because she can't do something. It's really quite funny. She's so tired she can't work the problems.

In conclusion, DQ, within 2 days, finishes all the questions for her grade level. I up the ante by asking her to work the 2nd grade level questions. She's about 1/2 way through with them. DQ also raised $100 for the St. Jude fund. I really am quite proud of my little math wizard.